Bodily Functions & Fitness 101: Blood, Tears, Vomit, Saliva & Poop

Pee. Sweat. All kinds of gaseous emissions. We've covered a lot of embarrassing stuff on here the past week. We giggled, we shared our worst moments and I unwittingly earned the privilege of having everyone in Turbokick ask me if I've had any soy that day before they'll stand next to me - every single class (answer: no, I learned my lesson thankyouverymuch). But there are a few odds and ends we haven't talked about yet, bodily functions that while still potentially humiliating in a fitness setting aren't common enough to warrant their own post. So, enjoy one last ride on the gross-out-mobile.

Blood
There are really only two ways to bleed out while working out (okay, there's three if you watch a lot of C.S.I. but you only have to worry about that way if you have a chimera twin, an enemy in the mafia or are Marg Helgenberger's asexually produced spawn.) Basically you've got an accident of some type like a ripped-off fingernail in a basketball game, a scraped knee from stepping into a pothole or a bloody nose from punching yourself in the face during kickboxing class (done all three!) Or you're a menstruating woman. The former is easier to fix, both your skin and your ego, than the latter.

If you've had an accident of some sort, take a time out and bandage yourself up. Don't try to gut through it; none of us want to see your blood on the court, the pavement or the gym floor. Band-aids are cheap, awesome and can even add to your street cred on the weight floor if you buy the cool camo kind. For the love of little green apples, cover your open wounds people.

Aunt Flo accidents are a bit harder to contain. In an ideal world every woman of a certain age would be prepared at all times with appropriate surfing gear to ride the crismson tide. And yet all of us have been caught by unawares by Mother Nature's gift at least once. So, how to best avoid become a walking Rorshach test? I used to carry a tampon in my gym purse all the time until my children decided it was candy. That I wasn't sharing with them. Thereby necessitating them to pull it out and whine loudly that I open it at least 7 times a day. Now - when I'm not gestating, that is - instead of riding the cotton pony, I use a Diva Cup. Seriously girls, this thing is the best invention for athletic women since sliced bread (what bread has to do with menstruating, not even I can come up with). I love it so much that let's just say I'm always walking along the beach in soft focus.

Tears
Have you ever cried at the gym? I totally have. I did last Thursday, in fact. A friend of mine (hey-o Sarah!) lent me a book about dealing with the death of a loved one - it's a long story - and forgot to mention it had kids dying in it. A fact I discovered whilst stretching out my middle splits after a particularly relaxing yoga class. I cried so hard that I had to pull my hoodie up over my face to stop the two teenaged boys also occupying the stretching mats from staring at me. I made quite the picture spread-eagled on my face with my hood up sobbing uncontrollably. Anyhow. My point is, whether you're hurt, embarrassed or just have a soft spot for your favorite weight rack, tears happen.

What to do? If you're asking me, obviously I'm for letting 'em out. The harder I try and stifle my tears the more come out my nose as snot. Other options include excusing yourself to the bathroom, breathing heavily into your sweat towel ('cause of course you're using one, right?), and finding a non-sweaty shoulder to lean on. Like sweat, if you get tears on equipment, wipe it up (preferrably with sanitizing spray). It's not that we don't feel your pain - we just don't want your pinkeye.

Vomit
Having just spent the past few months repeatedly vomiting in public places, I have to tell you that there's really not much you can do about this one except look appropriately horrified when you're finished. On a good day, you make it to the bathroom or at least a garbage can before letting the chunks fly but all the rest of the times it's puke in a pool. That's why they make that crazy-cool-why-can't-I-buy-it-for-home-use vomit absorbing powder.

Saliva
Once during bootcamp, an old man hawked a loogie over the balcony where he was walking on the elevated track. That loogie landed on the floor right next to my left arm while I was holding plank for three minutes. There was splatter. On me. This should go without saying but I'm gonna say it: Don't ever hawk a loogie indoors. Not on an indoor track. Not even into the drinking fountain. It's your spit/boogers, you swallow it. The end.

Poop
Ah, I finally got to poop! And why does it not get it's own post here at GFE when there is obviously so many fitness-related things to say about it? Because tons of people have covered it so much better than I could. Strangely, I have never had problems with "runner's tummy" nor any other incarnation of poop and exercise (I'm as surpised as you are, frankly.) So I give you the experts: You've got pooping while running (warning: picture not for the faint of heart). Pooping while weight lifting. Pooping in a Karate tournament. You've also got the helpful folks who tell you what the color of your poo means, what your poop says about your health, and what exercises to do to help you poo. And, just for fun, an article about Suri Cruise's poop.

I don't know about you all but I certainly learned a lot during this little bodily functions course. Interesting factoid #1: no matter what combination of poo, exercise and fitness I typed into google The Great Fitness Experiment came in the top 5 hits - take THAT search engine optimization! Interesting factoid #2: you all have led some pretty embarrassing lives. One of these days, I'm going to put together a post of all the best comments on these posts because you guys shared some hilarious stories!

So, one last time in case we missed any gold star stories, anyone else had any experiences with blood, tears, vomit or poo while exercising? Did I miss any crucial bodily functions? Anyone else come up with a great euphemism for menstruating that I missed??

The Ghosts of Diets Past (Strong Vomit Advisory)

Nothing says SPECTACULAR! like a tower of processed pork products!

Mine was a product-centered childhood. Not from any failure on my parents' part but rather because I was one of the first generations to grow up with a television and TV ads specifically aimed at children. Therefore I have many fond memories of various '80s paraphernalia: My Little Ponies and Rainbow Bright (side note: Turbo Jennie wore Rainbow Bright shoes to Hip Hop the other day and 20 years later I still almost died of envy.) were my faves but I also have strong feelings about plastic t-shirt clips, fluffy hair bows, jelly shoes, unicorns and charm necklaces. Tucked amongst these childish things are adult product invasions: Tupperware in brown and orange, melmac dishes, large neon earrings, shoulder pads, feathered hair and very very lax seatbelt laws.

I'd forgotten one my favorites, however, until today. Until Reader Melissa (love you girl!) sent me the link to these old Weight Watchers recipe cards. I used to sit on the kitchen floor and organize these endlessly in the little plastic storage box with dividers that they came with. I remember much time spent in poring over the pictures, the recipes and yes, even, the calories. (See - even then I had food issues!)

And now I must share them with you. Honestly I can't believe this was even considered food, much less "health" food. Be warned: you may vomit.

Consider: first they killed the fish, then canned it for your convenience and now they want you to try and resurrect it before you eat it? And is it just me or do those fish eggs look an awful lot like lemons?

I do not see where the "melon" nor the "mousse" come into this "dessert." But I really really dig the saucers. They actually look more like food than the food product.

Jelly, tomato and refresher are three words that should never be together. Jellied tomatoes? I'm pretty sure they are talking actual Jell-O here. It was the '70s. I'm sure tomato Jell-O existed. If not, somebody call Atrayu, I hear he's got an in.

This enchilada is on a piece of toast. Mexicans everywhere thank the stars for quotation marks.


Here we are again with the Jell-O mold. And purple cabbage. People in the 70's must have had awfully low standards for "perfection."

Well color me surprised: fish bleed red.

These actually don't look too bad except I'm confused about one thing - what exactly is the "caucasian" involved? Can Weight Watchers possibly be promoting cannibalism?? Somewhere Atkins wishes he'd thought of it first.


Whew - good thing they chilled this celery log or it might not look like the disgusting spawn of a sea cucumber and what my dog pooped after he ate a roll of Mylantas. Also, what up with all the pimientos Weight Watchers?

It's fluffy AND it's mackerel. The pudding's just gravy. PS> I love that strawberry potholder.

This is yet another Jell-O mold but this time with the delightful palate-pleasing combo of green beans, 'shrooms and what appears to be ketchup. Note the Mommy mushrooms in the background telling their kid mushrooms, "Now let this be a lesson to you..."

And my number one Weight Watchers Flashback Favorite is... liver pate en masque! Yes, it's Jell-O AND liver! Garnished with radishes!! And a peevish piggy bank!!! Good thing they are including a mask because blindfolded is the only way I'd ever eat it.

So, anyone else tasting their bile? What is the worst diet recipe you've ever made?

There is probably nothing more important to an athlete than consuming water.

DR Susan Kleiner, renowned sports nutritionist, has described water as the most critical nutrient for growth, development and health. Indeed, water comprises:


• 45-70% of the entire body

• 76% of the brain

• 82% of the blood

• 90% of the lungs


Good hydration levels have been shown to greatly reduce the risk of developing urinary tract stones, various cancers and problems with the heart’s mitral valve.

In a sporting environment the very best case we can hope for when in a dehydrated state is a decrease in performance, at the very worst, severe illness and death.

Lisa Bauch, Uppercut Boxing Gym

Sparring and competition
Some boxers wish to take their class and individual training to the next level by sparring in a controlled environment. Uppercut offers members the opportunity to hone their skills through sparring based on the concept of "White Collar Boxing," created at Gleason's Boxing Gym in Brooklyn, N.Y. "White Collar Boxing" allows individuals to step in the ring to compete, often white-collar professionals, to try their skills in the ring.

Members who wish to become amateur or professional fighters may register and compete through Uppercut Gym or independent trainers. Uppercut's two full-sized rings allow the gym to hold Golden Gloves, and other amateur and pro boxing cards

Americas top 20 "fittest" cities

1. Washington, D.C.
2. Minneapolis-St. Paul
3. Denver
4. Boston
5. San Francisco
6. Seattle
7. Portland, Ore.
8. San Diego
9. Austin
10. Virginia Beach
11. Hartford, Conn.
12. Sacramento
13. San Jose
14. Cincinnati
15.Atlanta
16. Pittsburgh
17. Milwaukee
18. Buffalo, NY
19. Baltimore
20. Raleigh, NC

Some "ChickenTuna" for the soul.

Recently I came across a great little personal web site by a popular member of a bodybuilding web site. She goes by "ChickenTuna", I encourage both men & woman to check out her site. Rarely do I promote personal sites, however what appeals to AbFitt is her no nonsense, here it is, like it or not, this is what it takes attitude. I think you will find yourself admiring her fitness as well as examining your own dedication and goals. Good luck Miss Tuna! ( Visit her site by linking below in our picture section ) Here is a sample from her site below, enjoy.


Words I Don't Use, Here is a listed of some fitness related words that I don't use.


Diet/Dieting
This word has been ruined by years of schemes and madness. It also implies a 'temporary' style of eating in most cases, so that doesn't apply to me. I eat right all the time, all year, and will keep on doing so for the rest of my life. When I am talking about eating, I call it 'eating' or 'food' and will not even use the term diet. That word is dead to me.

Macros
This word has the meaning of performing a computer function, to me. When I first started chatting with fitness people, they were all using the word 'macros' and I had no idea what they were talking about. The word is referring to 'macro nutrients' which are protein, carbs, and fats. New people just starting out love to go nuts with this word and over complicate the process of eating right. I will never be using the word 'macros'. When I am talking about protein, carbs, and fats,.. I will refer to them as protein, carbs, and fats.

Bulking/Cutting
This is a term used by professional body builders. It is a process where they gain a lot of weight and work out hard for a period of time in hopes of gaining big muscle mass, and then start to drop the weight to become lean in a process called cutting. I'm not a professional, and I don't' use any of the above methods. I keep it real simple and eat right and workout consistently all year long.

Cheat
This word implies that something bad is being done by eating a delicious meal. Eating some crap is not a bad thing and nothing to be ashamed of. It just depends on what your goals are, where you want to be, and what you are willing to do to reach them.
I like being lean, so I don't eat any crap. If I occasionally want something good to eat, I will have a 'treat'. I am aware that eating a tons of treats will prevent me from being where I like to be fitness wise, so I always have that in mind. If your goal is to be lean, you'll probably want to go light on the treats as well.

Clean Eating
Out of all the words I am not using, this one has been the most contaminated of all. It has taken on a life of its own and basically has a different meaning to everyone.. People getting into fitness and eating right will constantly be asking... 'Is this clean?' 'Is that clean?' who knows... I have just completely eliminated all those questions from my life by referring to all the food I eat as "plain". If its not on my 'plain foods list', I don't eat it.

Do you need to eat all your food plain all the time to be fit and look great? No, not at all. Eating plain food all the time is how I stay lean and keep low body fat. I'm an extreme case, not many people are willing to eat plain food all the time. There are plenty of people who look incredible and they don't eat their food plain, they just eat basically healthy food, they watch their portions and make good choices. They aren't super lean, but they are looking amazing and very fit. It just depends where you want to be.

Secrets
I can't stand when this word is used in regards to fitness. Try and pick up any product or service related to fitness without seeing this word, it's probably next to impossible. There are no secrets in fitness. All anyone can do to be fit is eat right and workout consistently.

more to come....Visit "ChickenTuna @ http://www.bunklers.com

What Eating Local Really Means

One of these things is not like the other...

Anna Wintour - Vogue magazine's editrix-in-chief - made headlines earlier this month in an interview where she said, "I'd just been on a trip to Minnesota, where I can only kindly describe most of the people I saw as little houses." In an bit of irony that says God loves Vogue as much as I do, Minneapolis/St. Paul was just named the second healthiest city in the nation, after Washington D.C. All jokes about The Devil Wears Cornbread aside, Ms. Wintour brings up an interesting point: the variability of food cultures, even within the same country. There is a huge coastal food divide in the US that nobody ever talks about.

California exports health & fitness advice like China exports lead-covered baby toys. And, most of the time, said advice is generalizable to the public at large. However, I sometimes think that all the personal trainers and health gurus forget that many of us don't live in the land of eternal sunshine (A.K.A. the place where food actually grows on trees).

It's not just that the tanned & toned ignore our inability to run outside in a -35 windstorm or the fact that the local grocery store thinks purslane is a new line of designer handbags made just for Target. It's that they overlook the differences in the entire food culture.

The family that blowdrys together, stays together.

Coastal Culture vs. Midwest McDonalds

I moved to the Midwest from Seattle - a place where you can get organic produce at the farmer's market year round and salmon right off the boat. (Oh and that nonsense about it raining all the time? Lies to keep all the rest of you from moving there. New York gets more rain than Seattle.) I never knew how good I had it until I moved out here and discovered tiny shrivelled apples on "sale" for $1.49/lb.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love it here. People on the street actually meet your eyes and say hi. And not even just tin-foil hatted homeless crazies! Normal people will talk to you in the check out lane. Teenagers hold doors open for grandmas. There's a playground on every corner. And the local honeycrisp apples, when they are in season, are the closest thing to Apple Heaven I've ever come (even if they do still sell for $2.49/lb). But. If I were to follow the current food craze to "eat local", it'd be snow cones and sausage six months out of the year.

In addition to the physical limitations, there is also a prevailing food culture here. I hesitate to bring it up lest I conjure perverse images of Fargo or America's Next Top Model and thus blaspheme against my new and much-loved home but it is the simple truth. The PTA here opens the year with a beer-n-brat tent. Almost every birthday party my children are invited to is in a fast food establishment. All fish comes fried. HOTDISH (read: casserole based around Campbell's Cream-o-whatever) is the regional delicacy and shows up at every function. The schools hand out Pizza Hut certificates for reading, McDonald's Happy Meals for math, and Culver's Custard (ice cream) for playing sports. And we have one of the highest rates of drunk driving in the country.

As much as we like to believe in a TV-homogenized America, there simply is a difference between the way people on the coasts and people in the middle think about food. Disclaimer: the one place I've never lived is in the South, so I can't speak to their food culture but I have been told that it is very distinct and about as far from the Cali-sushi-veg aesthetic as you can get and still stay in our borders.

Why is it that we can accept that the French have their own way of eating and the Italians and the Swedes and yet fail to see and appreciate the differences in their own country? I expect that some of you will answer (or at least think) "Well, it's because the Europeans are trim and healthy whereas somebody better put you Americans out to pasture before milking time."

And yet, Minneapolis is the second healthiest city in the nation for the 4th year in a row! That's right, somehow it all balances out - the vicious weather, the McDonald's birthdays, the freaking hotdish. We exercise indoors. We take vitamin D tablets. We eat a lot of frozen fruits and veggies. (Bonus: you don't even need an extra freezer here! Just throw it out your back door.) We make it work but it ain't the California way.

Is Dad a clergyman? Or a postal worker?? And what does Junior have against Mom?

What To Do?

Now that my rant is over, what's a produce-loving girl to do? Well for starters there is Local Harvest - a nation-wide community that puts consumers into direct contact with the local food providers. It may not get me strawberries in February but it definitely opened my eyes to what is available (homemade grass-fed goat cheese anyone?).

Try a CSA (community supported agriculture). I just signed up with one and I think I'm in love. The way it works is you buy a share of a local farmer's crop before the season starts. The farmer then delivers a bushel basket full of picked-that-day seasonal produce to you every week. True you don't get to pick what ends up in your basket but, hey, you needed a reason to branch out past broccoli and carrots, right? It can also be affordable. My experience with my CSA last year wasn't great but I haven't given up all hope yet!

Grow your own. Even in our 1000-sq ft condo in Seattle, we grew tomatoes and strawberries in large pots. Gardening is the new black! I know you think you have a black thumb - I do too - but you really can't mess up radishes, spinach and squash. Plus, it's good exercise. My husband and I just planted our garden for this year and while we planted lots of fun stuff (6 different varieties of tomatoes!), I'm keeping my expectations low. I consider our garden a raging success if we get a handful of cherry tomatoes and cucumber the size of a pickle.

Anyone else noticed this difference in food cultures? What makes your local food special? What challenges do you have to overcome?

For more painfully yet hilariously awkward family photos, check out AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.

Intensity, the key to continued change in your body's composition.

Intensity! I define intensity in my training program as follows. Increased poundage's with each set. Little to no rest between sets. One set will include up to four exercises performed back to back with no rest, until all four exercises are complete. That is one set. Find new ways to increase your training intensity and the results will come.

Richard

New Diet Claims Snacks Make You Fat

One onerous cross-county trip, somewhere around mile Nebraska, my husband invented a fun little car game. Turning to me with a straight face he said, "Plastic: pro or con?"

"Excuse me?" I said and threw some rice cakes behind me, hoping they'd land somewhere in the vicinity of the kids.

"Plastic. Are you for it or against it?" replied the high school debate geek.

"You mean like credit cards?" One of the rice cakes came flying back at my head. Note to self: baby does not like rice cakes.

"Whatever. Just plastic."

"How can anyone be against plastic?" I said, exasperated. "It's omnipresent."

"Ah, then you're pro plastic. I never knew that about you before." He said it so seriously that I was sure this was going to come up in a marriage counseling session some years down the road.

He was silent for a couple of miles as I threw goldfish crackers at the baby (missing more than I hit - my aim is not great) and then, "Michael Jackson: Pro or con?"

Before I could even answer, from the back seat a tiny voice yelled out, "Pwo!" And thus it began.

Sometimes I feel like health and fitness research is a lot like my husband's car game. Researchers take something random and obvious and then throw a lot of money at it trying to decide if it's good or bad. The most current example is one of the latest fitness fads to hit the market: snacky snacks.

You know what I hate more than adults who use the phrase "snacky snack"? People who would take away my snacky snack. So I can't say I'm completely impartial on this subject. Back in the day, our grandmothers used to admonish "No snacks, you'll ruin your dinner!" to their kids and even used it themselves as a diet technique. Eating between meals was not popular. And then over the last 10-20 years, research has swung the opposite direction with every major diet proclaiming "three meals and two snacks" or "don't go more than three hours without eating" or the even more ubiquitous five (or six! or seven!) mini meals a day instead of three squares as the secret to stoking our sluggish metabolisms and torching fat. In fact, I dare you to open up any lady mag these days and not find an article on the benefits of snacking.

So it's about time for the pendelum to swing the other way, wouldn't you say? Enter The Leptin Diet by Byron J. Richards. This "new" diet claims to help control your hunger hormones, specifically leptin and gherlin, by timing your meals to take advantage of your natural hormonal fluctuations thereby avoiding insatiable hunger. This diet espouses several tricks including:

Never eat after dinner. Allow 11 to 12 hours between dinner and breakfast, and finish eating dinner at least three hours before bed.

Eat three meals a day. Allow five to six hours between meals and do not snack. Snacking causes leptin to malfunction.

Do not eat large meals. Eat slowly and stop eating a meal when you are slightly less than full. Consistently eating large meals is the easiest way there is to poison your body with food.

Eat a breakfast containing protein. Your metabolism can increase by 30 percent after a high-protein meal. A high carb meal such as cereal or a bagel will increase your metabolism only by four percent.

Reduce the amount of carbohydrates eaten. Definitely eat some carbs, but don't overdo it. In each meal, half should be a protein source, and half should be a healthy carb.

Don't overeat, eat a bunch of protein, reduce carbs - all standard weight loss mumbo jumbo. Until you get to the snacking part. What - no snacks?!?!? What kind of diet is this? And how does he ever expect to sell his (I'm sure forthcoming) line of snack bars, shakes, yogurts and after-dinner mints with such advice??

But Does It Work?
I know people - very healthy people, even - who swear by three meals a day with no snacks. When I was in Europe I discovered that snacking is not very common there - at least in the sense that you don't see Spaniards or Germans pulling out little plastic baggies of trail mix on the metro. They did, however, have two-hour lunches and a siesta (well, the Spaniards anyhow) that probably helped nip that urge to snack in the bud. And the Germans just seemed really anal about having food outside of a designated food area. For the most part, all of our European friends were quite svelte.

Europeans, blah, blah, blah; we all know that Americans have a fat inferiority complex. So what about this leptin business? Back in the day - yes, the same day in which our grandmothers forbade snacking (i.e. the '50's) - scientists discovered the effects of a hormone that seemed to control obesity in mice. It sat on the backburner for a few years but as Americans got fatter, interest in the mysterious hormone grew until finding it became the Holy Grail of nutrition research. Finally, to much fanfare, in 1994 leptin was identified by Jeffrey M. Friedman.

As he discovered that leptin signals satiety, this led scientists to crow loudly that they had found the cure to obesity... only to make them eat crow a few years later when it was discovered that save for a select few humans missing a gene, leptin did not seem to have the same effect on humans as it does in mice. Moreover, scientists were discovering that leptin was only a tiny part of a complicated pathway that tells the body when it is hungry and when it is full. (Ignoring of course, that many people eat when they are decidedly not hungry.)

While leptin didn't turn out to be the miraculous discovery that people - namely the drug companies - were hoping it would be, it has still taught us a lot about how our bodies regulate our desire for food. But has the science evolved enough to make dietary recommendations based on that research? Researchers are skeptical, but that didn't stop Richards from writing his book.

At this point, I think it all comes back to deciding what works for you and your body. If you snack all the time and are overweight, then try cutting out the snacks to see if it helps. For some people, no snacks just make them eat more at meal time and feel deprived the rest of the time. For others, if they tell themselves they don't eat between meals then that's the end of it and they don't think about food except for the 3 appointed times of day. What research does agree on is that we can train our bodies to anticipate hunger so perhaps it's just a matter of deciding a schedule and sticking to it?

So, snacks: pro or con? Go!

UNCONVENTIONAL IS CONVENTIONAL, my fantastic five!

I preach these training principles when it comes to my H.I.G.T program. I believe these five basic principles when applied correctly and accompanied with proper nutrition,supplementation & rest allow for drastic body composition change and huge gains in speed & strength.
1. INTENSITY...without it you're spinning your wheels, achieve it with heavy weights and little to no rest between exercises.
2. GROUPING...pairing two or more muscle groups during training, remember functional fitness. Muscle contraction is a team effort. Single joint movements are limiting your results.
3. RECRUITMENT..this program was developed to recruit as many fast twitch muscle fibers as possible. These are the fibers responsible for a lean sculpted physique.
4. NO REST.. I should say limited amounts of rest. traditional weight training limits overall growth in trained individuals. Limited to no rest between exercises forces the body to recruit more muscle fibers to handle the increased demands put on the body.
5. UNCONVENTIONAL IS CONVENTIONAL.. Training in this matter puts a huge demand on your heart & lungs, forcing more blood flow and rapid use of oxygen in time resulting in better cardiovascular fitness without endless hours on the treadmill.

These fundamental principles have been tested and proven to work. I began training and developing H.I.G.T in 2004 with the help of some of this country's fittest USFS smoke jumpers.. http://www.smokejumpers.com ..in the deserts of Nevada. I have tweaked it to what it is today. You don't have to agree with these principles I only ask you to ask yourself this, "If there is a better more efficient way of training, that will drastically sculpt your body with tons of lean muscle tissue and turn your body into a fat incinerating machine, with a metabolism that operates full throttle, can you afford to NOT give it a try?
Your body, your health, your choice.

Richard Seymour

Richard Seymour's / Fit School...Lean for life with AbFitt.

Get health and nutritional information on topics such as healthy eating and picking the right foods. Learn how to eat for your type of training or sport, also learn how to maintain a balanced way of eating & supplementing. How you eat & train affects your health, so why not use AbFitt to find a way to build balance into your eating and training programs. Look, the days of old school lifting and nutritional strategies are just that, old school. The science behind human health and fitness training to achieve a body that is lean & muscular and functioning at peak condition is what I am after, is what I teach & how I live. What about you? It's all her at AbFitt.

Is Online Personal Training Right For You? (Plus Giveaway!)

The efficacy of personal training can be distilled down to one factor: the person in the "personal" trainer. This was the downfall of April's Great Fitness Experiment wherein I tried out Women's Health Magazine's online personal trainer. The problem was that other than me, there were no actual people involved and their computer wasn't any better at "training" me than their magazine articles are. (I'm still waiting for the trained monkey option.) After that experiment however, I got several e-mails pointing out that I had lambasted the whole online personal training industry unfairly. And while there are many sites run like the one I tested out, there are a whole other type run by a living breathing human personal trainer who just does his or her business over the web. (Ten points if anyone else just snickered!)

One Reader in particular caught my eye - probably because she lives just down the street from me - but also because her amazing physical transformation has been a hot topic around these parts for months. How did Reader Beth go from being a mom of 5 (her oldest is 7, her baby is 2) and looking like it to looking like the 20-something nanny? An online personal trainer. Her old college buddy Lindsey contacted her last January and offered to train Beth and her husband Nate - all over the internet.

At first Beth and Nate were skeptical - "How does she know if I'm making real progress if she can't even see me?" Nate wondered. In addition to not being able to see clients' progress (or lack therof), online trainers also can't check bodyfat percentages, weight lifting form and all of the little non-verbal clues from their client that would help them do their job better. But at a fraction of the cost of real world trainers - Lindsey charges $30 a month for her fitness or nutrition packages or $50 a month for both - the benefits can be great. Especially if you are the type who can be both very honest with yourself and honest in communicating with your online trainer. Bonus: they also can't offend you with their foul breath, obsessive self-checking in the mirrors or their overly enthusiastic atta-boy butt slaps.

So Beth and Nate both signed up for the exercise package and went to work. Their results are so astounding that at Nate's last doctor visit the doctor actually asked him for tips. Since January, Nate has lost 30 pounds and gained muscle. Beth managed to lose her pregnancy weight on her own but credits Lindsey with helping her drop an additional 10 pounds to reach her goal weight and also build muscle. I can personally vouch for how fantastic they both look.

Online Personal Training Vs. An Online Personal Trainer
Why was my Experiment such a boring failure while Nate and Beth's was such a huge success? They both credit it to having a real live person behind the computer screen. They checked in with Lindsey every week - although they were free to e-mail her more often if they had questions or needed motivation - and Nate says this accountability made all the difference to him. It also helped him that Lindsey was a stranger (to him) and so he felt he could be completely honest with her in a way that he feels he couldn't have been even with a real life trainer. "I hate lifting weights," he says, "but Lindsey would change around the program until we found one I liked and could stick with. If I were with a trainer and he told me to do a machine I didn't like, I'd probably just say okay and then not do it when he wasn't there."

In addition to the accountability factor, the couple also liked how varied the programs were (they received a new one every month), how easy it was to contact their trainer via e-mail, the recipes and other support they found on her site and, of course, the affordability. I'm guessing if I'd e-mailed Lindsey my (pretend) eating disordered food journal and workout schedule like I'd sent to the Women's Health Mag program, she would have spotted the problem right away.

If you are looking for an affordable and more anonymous way to get a personal trainer - with an actual person involved - then this type of online personal training could be an excellent solution for you. As in picking a real-life trainer just be sure to check to make sure they are credentialed, have a legitimate payment method on their site (i.e. you're not sending them money orders to a P.O. box), and offer references (and actually contact a couple of them!).

Bonus: On Lindsey's site today, she's got a giveaway going on as an incentive to check her and her services out! Let me know in the comments if any of you have used an online personal trainer and if so, how it worked out for you - feel free to link to their site if you recommend them! Also, if YOU are an online personal trainer, feel free to pimp yourself in the comments section as well.

Readers - are you the kind of person who needs a real-life Jillian Michaels all up in your grill or would you prefer the semi-anonymity of an online trainer?

The Kitchen Workout

Today being a holiday in the States, I'm off picnicking with the family (read: pulling ticks out of the wee ones and screaming at the baby to not throw himself in the lake). But seeing as a lot of gyms are closed to today or if you're just feeling in the mood for a saucy (you'll get the pun in a minute) workout, I got your back. Enjoy G.E.'s - yes the refrigerator people - "Strong as Steel" workout:

E-mail subscribers and feed readers, click through to see the video.

My fave part? Keep your eye out for the woman getting a little too personal with her dishwasher. Happy Holiday!

Fitness Checklist (1-10)

I like lists. They clarify and reduce waste (time and energy). This one can also reduce your waist. Take a look and see what you're doing from the list below, and what you're not. The missing items could be your bridge to success:

1. Drink enough water to keep your urine pale to clear.
2. Get in up to five hours of cardio each week (lower intensity) or at least 90 minutes at very high intensity.
3. Strength train with large, full body compound (moving at more than one joint at a time) movements, whenever possible, 2-3 times a week.
4. Challenge yourself so that when you finish a workout, you couldn't repeat it.
5. Eat more veggies than any other single food group.
6. Get .5 - .75 grams of protein per pound of ideal body weight each day.
7. Spread that protein as evenly as possible across the waking day.
8. Get 6.5 - 8 hours a sleep each night.
9. Make sure your calories are as rich as possible in protein, vitamins, minerals and fiber.
10. Be honest with yourself about how you live and what you expect your body to look, feel and perform like as a result.

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Bodily Functions & Fitness 101: Gaseous Emissions

I did yoga this morning. Per usual, it was a sweaty-yet-relaxing good time and I enjoyed myself immensely (fave part: the stares when I did my headstand inversion, pregnant belly and all). But there was one part at the end that got a little awkward. It's called Happy Baby Pose:
It ought to be called Embarrassing Baby Pose. Don't know why? Try it. Just do it. I don't care if you're at work. Just tell your boss it's an experiment for science. Still don't get it? Pull down on your feet a bit harder and... ahhh. There you go. Hint: it's doubly dangerous if you're a woman. As if that's not enough, yoga actually has a Breaking Wind Pose - although strangely in all my years of yoga this is not one I see often in a class setting. In fact, yoga has a whole slew of poses specifically designed to, well, expel gas from various orifices.

It's one of those quirks about being human. If you have an orifice and it is in proper working order then that means that sometimes things will fly out of it. Burping, farting, sneezing, hiccuping and if you're a woman - that other thing (which due to advertiser restrictions I cannot name but judging from the number of e-mails I get about this topic, you all know what I mean) - all happen. And for the most part you can't really control them. Sure you can "hold it" and sometimes that works. But sometimes holding it just leads to a bigger, noisier explosion in the end. (Side note: I had a friend in high school actually crack a rib from trying to hold in a sneeze!)

So I'm going to skip the recommendations on how to prevent these particular occurrences and go right to the good part: what to do when it happens. And it will happen eventually. It's not just yoga that brings out the gassiness in us. While each person has their own personal "Happy Baby" trigger, common offenders are ab works, straddles & deep squats and any class requiring a perfectly quiet room.

How To Deal With Gas
1. Hold it. This is generally the first strategy people try but unless your gas is just teasing you then this technique won't work very long. It also has the unfortunate side effect of possibly making things worse when your Old Faithful finally does blow. Case in point: One evening I made the mistake of eating a massive bowl of edamame (soy beans) 15 minutes before a Turbokick class. My body doesn't react well to soy, especially not soy that is swallowed and then jostled around to aerobically remixed Hip Hop. Being of a generally inoffensive nature, I dutifully held it in. And watched my stomach expand like a hot air balloon. Which led me to...

2. Escape. Leave the immediate area - preferably to go somewhere well ventilated like outdoors - and then let 'er rip. Be sure to walk around a bit or fan yourself with a newspaper so you don't bring it back in with you. The problem with using escape is that a) you have to have enough time to get out and often gas erupts with little warning, especially that other thing and b) you have to have someplace to go. If you are deep in the bowels (forgive me) of a mega gym then your chances of finding someplace unpopulated quickly are slim. Me and my now-tight-like-a-drum belly tried to escape but the studio was surrounded by the cardio floor, weight floor and track. I'd have to go to an entirely different level to find an exit! Which led to my next option...

3. Cover it up. If you have loud music, like we do in Turbokick, then you're golden. Belch, scream, sneeze, and even do the Happy Baby with impunity as nobody will know the difference. If you do somehow end up louder than the music you can always pretend it was part of the remix. No one will notice. If you don't have loud music, like in yoga, a well-timed "cough" or giggle can cover a multitude of sins. Unless, of course, there is a smell attached. Soy bean farts, sadly, have a very distinctive smell thereby necessitating...

4. Dispersion. It doesn't matter if you failed the physical sciences in school, the laws of nature will still work regardless of if you understand them. And the one you want to invoke here is the law of particle dispersion. What you need to do is dilute the smell so that it dissipates quickly in the air but more importantly so people won't be able to trace it to you. There are several methods of dispersion: the fan technique (generally too obvious although I have seen it done!), the wandering away technique (nice try but the scent usually follows you like the paparazzi on Jon Gosselin), and - my personal favorite - the jumping around technique. The latter requires lots of big movements in an effort to stir up the air and get some fresh stuff mixed in. The trick, of course, is to do it without letting on why you're doing it. It's a fine art and one that I'll admit I'm still working on. Oh, but there's one more little science factoid you need to know about dispersion: it doesn't work well in an enclosed environment. Like a class studio. Oops. No matter how much I jumped and kicked and punched, the gas crept across the room like a putrid cloud. Which led to...

5. Accept and apologize. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do. Everyone in yoga is doing their (silent) centered breathing and your butt decides to go off like a machine gun on automatic followed up by a high pitched squeal and a pop like a firecracker. Or you're trying this straddle move in the middle of the weight floor and you surprise all the meatheads around you with a Happy Baby incident. Or you ate too much soy and now the smell has people on the other side of class asking what died (true story). If you're all adults then chances are most people will ignore the incident out of courtesy and while you will still be red faced, nobody will say anything. However, if you're like me and the Gym Buddies, you'll probably laugh. I can't help it. I know it's juvenile but it just comes out of me. And once the perpetrator starts laughing then who can resist a good chuckle? Last resort is to apologize. A sincere straight-faced "Sorry, dude, I ate soy for dinner" can go a long way. Plus it's a small price to pay for a comfortably deflated stomach.

Although once you have reached this stage in the process you know that you're never going to live it down, right?

Any of you have a patented gas technique? What's your worst trigger? What's your most embarrassing gasseous emission story? Anyone actually get down and try Happy Baby??

The Problem With Being a People Pleaser

This would also be good reason for a freak-out.

And now for an interruption in our regularly scheduled programming (I owe you a dissertation on poo, I know.) The following is an announcement from the Emergency Charlotte Broadcast System. This is not a test. I repeat, this is not a test. (And it's not a Thursday re-run today either.)

So I had my first official meltdown of this pregnancy today. Truth to be told I've been building up to it for a while now. A lot of you in the past have asked me how a girl with an eating disorder history and serious body image issues handles pregnancy and I've answered truthfully that each pregnancy was different. The second and fourth ones were pretty blissful. The third one was a nightmare. This one, it appears, is going to be rocky. I went into it a tad blithely as my last pregnancy (with my 3rd son) was pretty good in this respect. And it helped that I didn't gain much weight - about 25 pounds - and so even up until the end people were still telling me I looked small.

I naively thought this time around would be the same. But it isn't. Right away I gained 10 pounds which freaked me out. And I've continued to gain weight steadily to the point where I now have a very pregnant belly. I'm still not wearing maternity clothes but that's only out of sheer stubbornness.

Back to this morning. For months now, I've been complaining to my long-suffering husband that I'm gaining weight much faster than the last go around and for months he's been dismissive. But this morning my dear one rolled over and looked at me and said, "You know, you're right. You are getting a lot bigger a lot faster." Now before you think him hugely insensitive, this is the man who rubs my back every day and brings me popsicles and even cleaned up the mess when our 5-year-old decided that pooping in the wastebasket would be "funner" than using the toilet. Apparently the walls, floor, rug and doorknob were also "funner." Besides, my husband was only telling the truth. Seeing my distraught look he quickly added, "But I still love you!"

That's all it took to send me into a tailspin. After he left for work, I cried. Then cried some more after I got the older two on the school bus. And then took a nap and cried a bit more. The worst part? I can't figure out why I care. So what if I am bigger? (And no it's not twins, they checked.) The baby is healthy by all accounts. I'm healthy - at least physically, mentally may be another story. Isn't that all a mom can ask for? Why is my body shape and size so important to me?

After mulling this over all day between eating half a watermelon unassisted and a few crying jags, the best answer I could come up with was, "I always have." For as long as I can remember I have always, always cared what I weighed and what I looked like. It wasn't a case of vanity. I've never been conventionally pretty. I clean up all right but I'm no beauty. On the rare occasions that men have been overtly attracted to me (and not just using me as a pawn in their power games) they've been more drawn to other aspects of me. Which is good because pretty doesn't last and blah, blah, blah. Perhaps that's part of why I care so much - I can't make myself pretty but I sure can make myself thin! But that still doesn't answer the question of why my appearance in general is so important to me.

Another reason that partly explains why being thin is so important to me is that especially for women, beauty is power. When you are pretty - or at least thin - not only do people treat you better but they find you smarter and more trustworthy and credible and funny. All without really knowing anything about you. Think of all the women in our society who are successful in realms not directly dealing with appearance (so exclude models, actresses, etc.). Now think of how we talk about them. Michelle Obama is one of the most visible and prominent first ladies of our time; she has a law degree; she is the mother to two bright daughters. What do we hear most about her? What designer she is wearing or how she got her sculpted arms or even Iman calling her unbeautiful. Condoleeza Rice? Secretary of State, shemecretary - did you know she has designer taste in boots? And had time to fit in Parisian shopping trips between trips to the UN? Even Hillary Clinton who has worked very hard to not make her looks an issue was first acclaimed for her prettiness and then pilloried for "letting" herself age. We women even use it against each other. We can do everything right but still not be "successful" unless we're thin.

But that still doesn't explain why I have let myself get sucked into this cultural nonsense. Until I hit on this idea: I'm a people pleaser. And one of the fastest and easiest ways to please someone is to conform to their standard of beauty. So if people like me more when I'm thinner and prettier, then that means they will like me less as I get bigger and therefore uglier. When you look at it from the perspective of being loved - after all, isn't that what we all want? - then it seems very clear why this issue is so soul destroying for me. I can't help that I'm getting fatter. I eat healthy. I exercise every day. My body is doing what it needs to, I suppose. Which means to me that people - the people I care most about - won't love me anymore and there isn't anything I can do about it. And since I seem to have no self-esteem, then I won't love myself either. Seen from this light, restricting food actually seems like the lesser of the evils. Lose the love and respect of those around me or just lose the food? The answer is easy now. And scary.

See? Depressing.

In all fairness, I think that most of my friends and family will strongly object to my, frankly brutal, assessment of the capricious and shallow nature of their love. After all, that is quite insulting to them, is it not? And yet, I've seen this born out in my life before. I don't think it's a conscious thing - nobody actually cogitates "Huh, Charlotte's not as cute anymore therefore I like her less." - but some people do pull away from me the less I please them. Not everyone. But some will. Although I suppose it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy as well. I expect people to love me less so I pre-emptively pull away from them thereby making my own worst fear come true.

I do realize that the problem, regardless of what other people do, is ultimately in my own head.

Doesn't the child that I'm doing this all for deserve a mother who can teach him - or, heaven help me, her - that they are lovable just by their very existence? I certainly believe that about my children already here. I would never love them any less no matter what they look like. So why can't I love myself that way?

I hate it when I get self indulgent like this.

Image credit: Natalie Dee

Bodily Functions & Fitness 101: Pee

"Just saw the CrossFit WOD (workout of the day). I'm not even at the gym yet and I already have the nervous pee." When I read this Facebook status update from Reader Amber, I laughed so hard I had to, well, you know. So class, for part two of my Bodily Functions & Fitness series today we will be discussing number 1. And no I'm not giving you an M&M for every time you go.

Urine
1. The nervous pee - my personal favorite - is that almost uncontrollable urge to go that always happens in the five seconds before public speaking or right when the gun goes off for a race. Or, like Amber, when you know you have an intense, fast workout coming your way shortly. (Really, that's one of the best parts of CrossFit. I think they purposely don't post the WOD until the morning of just to make everyone do the nervous pee. Gotta love athlete humor!) It doesn't matter if you just went and still have the toilet paper stuck to your gym shoe to prove it. Your body doesn't care. It just knows something slightly scary is about to happen and is preparing it's best turtle defense.

2. The excited pee is closely related to the nervous pee except this one is more likely to involve hysterical laughing, which as most of my friends now know sends me straight to the floor. No matter how many kegels I do, this body has had too many kids to withstand a really good funny. Unfortunately when I go crashing to the floor, it usually makes them laugh harder which ups the hilarity thereby worsening my condition. Frankly, I'm considering never smiling again. It's either that or Depends.

3. The jumping rope (also known as the "Turbo air jack") pee is a high-impact staple. Bosus, jumping over the step, trampolining and all forms of plyometrics are common offenders. For some people even running qualifies (Hansel & Gretel tracking system is a bonus!). This is probably the most common of all the pees, especially as we age and/or have children. It also seems to be mainly a female issue although if any of my (5) male readers care to weigh in, I'm all ears!
4. The weight-lifting pee is brought on by the bladder compression from a deep squat making it probably the most embarassing pee on the list as the damage is so hard to mitigate. Consider: you are stuck inches from the floor with your legs spread apart and a really heavy weight across your shoulders. As demonstrated by the poor woman above.

5. The pregnancy pee is the bane of gestating gals everywhere. One of those things that nobody tells you before you get pregnant is that the pregnancy pee kicks in from day 1. Surprisingly, it's a hormone thing that will only later be compounded by a wee one doing jumping jacks on your bladder. Your body does many amazing things during pregnancy but I'm telling you now that few will be as enthralling as how much, how frequently and how long you will have to pee. I've even considered asking Gym Buddy Allison to time me - horses and frat boys got nothing on pregnant girls.

Prevention
Preventing "bladder leakage" (as the marketing folk are so fond of calling it - quick, don't think of water balloons!) is imperative. Your first step is to go right before your workout. Even if you just went at home. Go again. I promise something will come out. It's Pavlovian - see toilet, must pee. I don't think there is even such a thing as pee constipation, is there? The next step is to wear clothing that can handle a bit of moisture (see the recommendations for swamp crotch in the previous post). Third is to avoid all discussion of how badly you have to pee. This last rule is one the Gym Buddies and I have a hard time remembering but really, discussing it makes it ten times worse. (Although now I know which one of the Gym Buddies has the technical skill to pee in a bottle in a moving car - and no it's not a dude.)

Damage Control
It happens. It happens more often to the very young, the very old, the pregnant and the mothers who delivered vaginally. But eventually it does happen to everyone. So what to do when you've just wet yourself and you still have 30 minutes of plyos left? I'm going to borrow FEMAs steps for dealing with an emergency (What? Tornados, earthquakes, bladder leakage... it's all disasterous, right?). First assess the situation. How bad is the damage? Is it a minor leak or a broken dam? If it is the latter, you'll just have to leave but the former still leaves you plenty of options. Second, assess your resources. Is there a bathroom nearby? Does it have a hand dryer? That doesn't require you to stand pantsless outside the stall to use? If not, will toilet paper do to mop up? As a last resort, can you just splash some water on other places to distract attention and make people think you're just a really profuse sweater? Third, assess your environment. This basically boils down to a) did you leave a puddle? and b) did anyone see? If either of these are true, you are just going to have to go home. I'm sorry.

Learn From Your Pee
The last thing every fitness freak should know about their pee is that it is a wealth of knowledge. The color alone can tell you everything from how dehydrated you are to if you have life-threatening rhabdomyolysis or a kidney infection. The frequency can tell you if you need more kegel work or if you are pregnant or have a urinary tract infection or even prostate cancer if you're a guy. The smell can tell you if you've recently eaten asparagus or - if you're me - Cheerios. (Question: Do Cheerios make anyone else's pee smell funny?) And the taste... well, if you've tasted your own urine then that says things about you that I don't know if we even have time to go into on this site. But I do hope you'll leave a comment.

So, have you ever wet yourself? What fitness activities bring out the pee in you? What do you do to prevent your water balloon from popping? Anyone else kinda obsessed with the color of their pee??

NEW INSTALL MAY 2009 at the Lancaster Family YMCA, Lampeter Strasburg, PA Location

Motus USA just recently installed a brand new cardio deck at the Lampeter Strasburg location for the Lancaster Family YMCA in Lampeter, PA. Included in the equipment install were treadmills, crosstrainer ellipticals, and exercise bikes featuring fully integrated embedded LCD TV screens. A fleet of the ever popular M-Racing Series of indoor cycling bikes of both NRG (step through) and FUSION models were installed as well.



Also featured in the issue of FBP

(http://enews.penton.com/enews/clubindustry/newsbeat_new/2009_07_01_july_1_2009_newsbeat/display)







Lancaster Family YMCA Cardio Deck featuring fully integrated embedded LCD TV Motus USA Treadmills (plays DVD, Satellite TV and Cable TV)





Lancaster Family YMCA Facility, May 2009 Installation





Lancaster Family YMCA Brand New Motus USA Cardio Installation, May 2009





Lancaster Family YMCA Brand New Motus USA Cardio Installation: Treadmills, Crosstrainer Ellipticals, Upright and Recumbent Bikes





Lancaster Family YMCA Brand New Motus USA Cardio Installation: Fully Integrated Embedded LCD TV Entertainment





Lancaster Family YMCA Brand New Motus USA Cardio Installation: M-RACING Series Indoor Cycling Bikes (eclectic mix of NRG step through model & FUSION models)





Lancaster Family YMCA Brand New Motus USA Installation, May 2009





Lancaster Family YMCA Brand New Motus USA Installation, May 2009





Lancaster Family YMCA Brand New Motus USA Cardio Installation, Welcome Desk



About the Lancaster Family YMCA

"Lancaster Family YMCA" has been a trusted name since 1851. As a center for community, we are committed to improving the lives of children, individuals and families. The programs at our two branches in Lancaster City and Lampeter-Strasburg create a sense of belonging, connecting individuals to people and services in the Lancaster community. We strive to see each person reach his or her full potential." Learn More...