Foam Rolling: Fitness Miracle or Fad?

Hmm, yes, the rolling pin was the tip-off that shenanigans were about to ensue. "Something bad was going to go down" indeed!

"Hurts so good!" "Absolute must-do!" "MIRACULOUS!!" It was that last one that got me and not just because it turned exercise into a religious experience on par with seeing the Virgin Mary in a pancake. For all my professed cynicism (not really, I'm like an eager puppy), I'm as interested in the next fitness "miracle" as the next girl. Twitter schooled me today. As is often the case with me in social mediums I don't understand, I was randomly eavesdropping on other people's conversations and came across several people singing the above praises of the foam roller. Personal Trainer Deb Roby even tweeted, "I teach all my clients to foam roll before a workout," adding that it is "magical*." Magical! Yes, this thing:

My first reaction was, "Really?!?" We have used foam rollers before, both in stretching and in actual workouts. The Gym Buddies and I even dedicated an entire month during the Core Performance for Women Great Fitness Experiment to getting intimate with this cheap piece of plastic (made even more awkward by the fact that our Y only has one roller basically making all of us sloppy seconds.) We were, to a woman, unimpressed. The tennis ball produced more of a good massage and muscle release although Gym Buddy Megan broke my heart and refused to share hers. Did I mention I love the tennis ball to get deep into my glutes (a la the piriformis-beleaguered MizFit)? It's probably all for the best we did not share the butt ball.

My second reaction to all the hype was, "Clearly I'm doing it wrong." After all, all those Twitter folks are way smarter than I am. (And I'm not being facetious - they really are a bunch of smart sugar-free flourless protein cookies.) But after watching this video tutorial, from Ryan at No More Bacon, where a girl (whose hair I deeply covet) demonstrates how to use a foam roller, I realized: I've totally been using the foam roller right. And it hasn't done a thing for me. Stymied! By a piece of bike-helmet foam!

What to do? Consult the experts of course! The CrossFit Nor'easter blog commands you to repeat, "“I want to roll everything! Rolling is good! Rolling is our pal!” Which I did. And then snickered. A lot. Because I'm immature like that. They add,

"Foam rollers offer many of the same benefits as a sports massage, without the big price tag. The foam roller not only stretches muscles and tendons but it also breaks down soft tissue adhesions and scar tissue. By using your own body weight and a cylindrical foam roller you can perform a self-massage or myofascial release, break up trigger points, and soothe tight fascia while increasing blood flow and circulation to the soft tissues."

Well, now I see my problem. First, I have never had a sports massage. (Confession: I've never had any massage ever because I have an irrational fear of being naked alone in a room with a stranger. On second thought, that fear seems totally rational.) So I have nothing to compare the beautiful torture of the foam roller with. Second, I have no idea what a myofascial release is. But it certainly sounds like something I would want - especially because then I would only have to get naked with myself! Ahem. The Nor'easters to the rescue again, quoting about.com:

"Myofascial release is a body work technique in which a practitioner uses gentle, sustained pressure on the soft tissues while applying traction to the fascia. This technique results in softening and lengthening (release) of the fascia and breaking down scar tissue or adhesions between skin, muscles and bones. Myofascial release has also been shown to relieve various muscle and joint pains such as IT band syndrome and shin splints as well as improving flexibility and range of motion."

Now I definitely want a piece of that! Google tells me that a fascia is "band of fibrous connective tissue separating or binding together muscles and organs." Obviously you would not want those to get overly tight (except perhaps in the bladder region and then, you know, all of us moms would like them to cinch back up like a paper bag if you please) and I hope I don't have scar tissue either.

Rachel Cosgrove (of this month's Experiment fame) is totally on the foam rolling bandwagon as well. At the end of each workout she instructs us to do "15 minutes of foam rolling" even on off days. We've ignored her advice. First there's the one diseased roller issue (although they're not that expensive so I suppose I could invest in one - marketing opportunity: anyone want to send me one for free? Either that or I could sew a cloth foam-roller condom and instruct the Gym Buddies not to wear shorts.) and second there's the whole disaffected problem. But after today, I am resolved to give the roller a second chance. Especially because I don't want to get to the end of this Experiment and wonder if my results could have been better had I done everything she told me to (which, for the record, I am doing everything else she instructs including drinking a nasty protein shake after my weight workouts, on the stretching mats even!).

The whole reason I didn't think much of the roller in the first place was it never felt like anything. People talk of screaming pain and crying and whatnot and all I got was a little shaky from having to hold myself up on my already-worked out arms for so long. Why don't I feel anything? Should I add weights? Help me to love the roller! - how can I make the foam roller work for me? Do you love the foam roller? Do you use it before or after a workout? Both? What benefits have you seen from it? Do you have to be injured to benefit from it?

*Deb has promised a whole week on her blog of posts dedicated to the wonder of the foam roller. I'm eagerly anticipating this!

The Most Unfortunate Athletic Logo Ever

Reading National Geographic last night (see? I do read things apart from health and fitness!), I came across an ad for "gravity defyer" shoes. Clearly, this is a joke. I mean first of all there's the word "defyer." I'm guessing it's supposed to mean that the shoes defy gravity and the spelling is a word play on "defier", as in "one who defies." But then I realized that I'm reading National Geographic and what passes for humor in that magazine usually involves a pit, a wild animal and a misunderstood foreign language. As in, "There I was photographing the bewildered wildebeest when all of a sudden I stumbled into a 12-foot aboriginal pit! Guess I should have paid attention to the 'caution, wet floor' sign!" You would laugh at this because you would realize that wildebeests, while innately comical, are native to Africa and modern Aborigines (as opposed to the more general usage of aborigine meaning first or indigenous peoples) live in Australia and do not have written languages. Yeah, it's that bad. Which is why this first mystified me and then made me laugh so loudly I woke up my husband:

image from gravitydefyer.com, naturally

Updated to add: Fiona Picklebottom (awesome) pointed out in the comments that the arrow in the ad points to the logo and says "the slick seed of life (because it's cool)"!! So it IS totally intentional. And I have to agree with Fiona: it only makes it worse.

Question #1: How did someone come up with the concept for this, uh, little swimmer? You know somewhere there was a meeting around a big table where some (hipster) genius sketched this out on a napkin. Question #2: How did anyone decide that this was the exact image that best represented trampoline shoes? Question #3: How much money does it take to place an ad in National Geographic with a picture of inseminated shoes?

Now, I have never tried these shoes. For all I know they could be the miraculous scientific wonder of athleticism that the fine print claims they are (sure hope so as these suckers are pricey!) but even if they are all that and a bag of nuvarings, I don't think I could ever wear them in public. At the very least I'd have to wear thick socks - can't be too careful, it only takes one you know. You?

The Best Indicator of Your Overall Health [Hint: It's not what you think]

It's not your BMI. It's not your cholesterol. It's also not your resting heart rate, your back squat max, your weight, your body fat percentage, your BMR, your RMR, your AT or even your SDTG. (Okay, I made that last one up; some of the alphabet was feeling left out.) It's definitely not your shoe size (although that is important to know). So what is the number that researchers have found that is the single best indicator of your overall health? Your VO2 max.

Which is how I found myself awake in a puddle of cold sweat at three a.m. last night. I am not a person who normally dreads a workout but whether it was flashbacks of Middle School P.E. - my teacher used to chase me around the track throwing footballs at my head until I cried - or just my perfectionist nature, I was scared. See, first thing in the morning in Boot Camp, the Gym Buddies and I were taking the Cooper Fitness test, an assessment used to find your VO2 max. And would consequently tell me if I am a worthwhile human being. (Note to self: write post about how I give numbers too much power in my life.)

How To Get Yours (For Free!)
The most accurate way to measure your VO2 max is to do the Darth-Vader-masked-run-on-a-treadmill test but that's spendy - expect to pay 150$ - 300$ - and I am nothing if not cheap. Also, the last time I did that test I almost* mooned the whole gym because I was running so hard my pants were falling down and I didn't dare spare a hand to hold them up because I was too occupied trying to keep my hands from ripping that suffocating mask off my face and hurling it at the nearest trainer.

The Cooper Test goes like this: run as hard as you can for 12 minutes and then given the distance that you cover (in meters, naturally, we're being scientific here remember?) and your age you can get a fairly accurate approximation of your VO2 max. It was exactly as fun as it sounds. Which is not at all. It was horrible pain. Maximal effort is bad enough in 20 second increments during Tabata sprints; it's hellacious when you do it for 12 minutes. Upon finishing our run - in a heap, on the dirty gym floor - Gym Buddy Allison exclaimed, "My insides have never hurt so much before!" But our suffering was not in vain: I'm proud to say all the Gym Buddies scored in the highest rank for both the run and our VO2 maxes.

(We won't talk about how this wasn't good enough for me because it was lower than the last time I had my max measured even though that was to be expected as we lose about 1% of our VO2 max per year as we age. So I stewed about it all day until Allison told me to get a grip and learn to live with being "just superior". Seriously, self, get on that "numbers mean too much to you" post.)

So why would anyone do such a thing to themselves just to get a number?

Your VO2 Max is your maximal oxygen uptake and reflects how well your body takes in and uses oxygen while you exercise. VO2 max "is widely accepted as the single best measure of cardiovascular fitness and maximal aerobic power. Absolute values of VO₂ max are typically 40-60% higher in men than in women.” Your average man has a VO2 max of 45, while an average woman's is 38. Just for comparison purposes (because who doesn't like to compare suburban soccer moms with the world's most elite athletes?), Greg LeMond's is 92.5 and the highest ever recorded, belonging to a Scandinavian cross country skier for which my keyboard doesn't even have the ability to type his name, is 96 - in his off season.

The Research
Danish researchers examined 86 men and 115 women, all between the ages of 23 and 27. They tested their VO2 max. They then studied their physical activity, blood pressure, blood lipids, body fat and smoking habits. As expected, a greater VO2 max was significantly correlated with a better cardiovascular profile. (And for your surprising research finding of the day: Physical activity was not correlated with a better cardiovascular profile.) This means that the higher the VO2 max, the lower the LDL cholesterol, body fat, and blood pressure. They also found that a higher VO2 max a correlates with a decrease in symptoms of the scary metabolic syndrome and is an "excellent predictor" of heart attack risk.

The take-home message from today's workout is if you want to lower your cholesterol, blood pressure, body fat and bikini inhibitions, then your workouts need to be intense enough to increase your VO2 max. If better heart health is your goal, it isn't enough just to be physically active (although physical activity of any intensity has numerous other benefits). You have to keep pushing yourself. Never get comfortable! And also: Remember that numbers are just tools to help you understand yourself better, they are not value judgments. (Repeat three times every morning.)

So do you know your VO2 max? How important are numbers to you? Are you able to look at them as just information or do they pack an emotional wallop too? Have you ever mooned anyone accidentally or on purpose??

*Not to be confused with the time I DID actually moon the whole gym thanks to a heavy pager from the childcare center attached to my weakly elasticized yoga pants. Good times!

Running 101: Get a Professional Shoe Fitting

Gorgeous sunny morning. Nice cool - but not cold - temps. Crisp clean air. Beautiful scenery. And to top it all off, an awesome new playlist on my MP3 player. Indeed, all the makings of a magnificent long run. Which it was (my pace time surprised me so much that I rechecked it on 3 separate websites to make sure I wasn't imagining things). Unfortunately, my perfect run was marred by one little thing: a blister breaking out on my right arch. Sadly, I realized as I unlaced my sneaks, my gut feeling was confirmed that these were not good shoes and I was going to have to revisit my shoe options. I didn't want to admit that my beloved Asics had failed me but it was true. This was the 3rd style I've tried since the demise of my beloved GT-2120's and each had been worse than the last.

Not knowing where to begin, I started with one of those 100-page advertorial spreads so commonly found in magazines this time of year. One of these yearly staples is the "Perfect Shoe Guide" which purports to help you find the perfect shoe for your foot. If you've ever read one of these, you discover very quickly that you need to be on intimate terms with your body. First you need to decide what type of exerciser you are. Are you a runner? A jogger? A walker? A trail runner? A trail runner who jogs up hills and sometimes walks when the scenery is really gorgeous? Second, you need to know your arch type - high, normal or so flat you'll never have to worry about getting drafted. Generally they tell you to step with wet feet on a paper bag and then match your imprints to the pictures in the guide. Lastly, you need to know what your "pronation" status is. It's at this point that I generally get so frustrated that I stop reading all together and go surf the web for cute workout pants (although then I need to know my waist measurement and my inseam and ... why are women's clothes so complicated??).

So, I started by looking up pronation. While the definition is pretty simple - it's the degree you roll to the outside or inside of your foot when you run - telling whether you do it is not. It's hard to watch yourself run without smacking into stationary objects. For the first time in my warehouse-shopping, bargain-hunting, online-sale-loving life I realized it was time to call in a shoe professional.

So I trotted myself off to Runner's Gate, a running boutique near my home*. The first thing I noticed was the indoor track that went around the sales floor. It was probably 50 laps to a mile but I suppose it could keep the sales staff entertained on slow days. The second thing that caught my eye was the lack of shoes. Being used to shopping in stores that rightly end in -house, I was surprised to see one wall with three shelves of shoes. That's it. The last thing I noticed was that I was the only customer in the store which meant I got the devoted attention of the owner Phil.

After listening to me babble about how Asics are the only shoes that have ever worked for me and my left foot is a half size bigger than my right and how I have to shave the hair on my big toe or else it looks like a daddy longlegs and scares my children (true story) he sat back in his little rolly chair and said, "Well, let's see it. Take your shoes off."

I'd expected this. And yet I'd still forgotten to wear socks. Or fix my self-mutilated pedicure. Or shave my big toe.

Phil did not recoil in horror. Although he did ask me if I preferred cushioned or non-cushioned socks as he proffered me a basket of demo socks to try on. Cushioned? I didn't even realize that was an option. All my gym socks come from Target or TJ Maxx where they only have one kind and the Puma logo may or may not be backwards on them.

While I was debating sock philosophies in my head, Phil was evaluating my feet. His verdict? High arches, no pronation (so I'm a "neutral" runner), and MY FEET ARE THE SAME SIZE. I KNOW. How have I lived all my life with these feet and thought I was a normal-arched over-pronater with freak-show feet? How could I have been so wrong?!

According to Phil's assessment I'd been running in the wrong shoes for years. He brought out a stack of boxes, one pair of each neutral shoe he carried. I pulled the first pair out of the box. "Oooh pretty!" I gushed over the hot pink, gray and black kicks.

He frowned at me. "Function first."

Oh, right. I dutifully jogged around the track to see how they felt while inside I was thinking about how weird it is to have someone watch me run. Is my stride too long? My arms too stiff? Heaven help me, do I have a Phoebe Run??

To his credit, not once during the try-on fest (8 pairs, I believe) did he laugh at me. Not even when I told him the reason I need new shoes is so I can run the Monster Dash in full costume in a week and a half. In fact, he even helped me troubleshoot how to make wings that would be more aerodynamic than the ones I found at Target! In between laps, Phil let me pick his brain about various running trends: Barefoot? Good for the short occasional workout, not great outdoors or for long distances. Shaper shoes? Utter ridiculousness. Newtons? Pricey but will indeed help make you faster but only if you don't have any existing biomechanical issues with your gait. Talk about your full-service shop!

After the frenzied circle running, I decided on the shoes that felt the best. And they weren't the Asics. I got a pair of Saucony Ride 3 shoes. The pretty pink/gray/black ones, even. I'd never even tried Sauconys before. The snobby part of me always ignored them as they were cheaper and I figured cheap shoes couldn't be good shoes. But then I took them for a run. No blisters, no hot spots, no shin splints or calf cramps. Nothing but good sweaty running! A hard 9 on the treadmill where I sweated so much my ponytail (little nubbin that it is these days) was dripping water down my back and my shorts were so soaked that it looked like I'd wet myself (perhaps I did! Ever since childbirth I can't be sure my bladder isn't pulling one over on me.) didn't even phase them.

Of course once I got home I immediately looked up my new shoes on my fave discount shoe websites. They were 5$ cheaper online. But you know what? The 5$ was more than worth it to finally have someone help me find the right shoe. Oh, and to discover that my feet really are the same size. (Whatever will I talk about at parties now?!)

What are your favorite running shoes? Have you ever had your gait and feet analyzed by a professional? Cushioned or non-cushioned socks? Have you ever been surprised to discover one of your body parts was not what you thought it was??

*FCC: I was not paid, given free or discounted merchandise or compensated in any way by Runner's Gate nor by Saucony. Sadly. It would have been nice to get free shoes! Saucony - call me when you need a new spokesgirl!

Yoga Mats as Status Symbols - What Does Yours Say About You?

See? He's so cool he doesn't even need a mat! The Times was right!

Scorpio? Libra? Who needs a sign to make unfounded snap judgements about strangers? The zodiac is sooo 70's! According to the NY Times, the new thing is to judge a girl by her yoga mat. (Because yoga is soooo, uh, '70's?) Actually the Times article is mainly about whether to use a sticky mat or go commando on the bare floor (for all you hygiene enthusiasts, apparently the floor gets cleaned a lot more than your mat*) but anyone who has been to a yoga studio knows that your yoga mat says a lot about who you are and how you live your life. So what does mine say about me? That I'm cheap and that I love my lady bits!

There I was the other day, blissfully inhaling and exhaling through a nice deep down dog (oh yoga, why so porny?) when I looked through my perfectly starfished hands to stare at all the pretty lotus flowers etched on my mat. Lotus flowers a la Georgia O'Keefe, that is. At that zen moment I realized my yoga mat is covered with a repeating pattern of - oh yes - the female genitalia. Which explains why I got it for ten bucks at TJ Maxx.

I was not as bothered by this as one might think - there is something oddly fitting about being in a class all about body awareness whilst sitting on replicas of my, ahem, awareness. Although anyone who asks to see my yoga mat from here on out has to buy me dinner first.

So what does your yoga mat say about you? Let's break it down:

Color: Yoga classes are usually pretty subdued and yogis are generally conforming (You may think you're being an individual by binding when the rest of us are extending but unless you go totally rogue then we're all doing the same flow - even our breathing is synced. Baaa.) so neon or rainbow sparkles shows that you! are! different! And also, that you don't mind glitter stuck in your awareness.

Pattern: Are you a tigress? Or a pansy? Unless you are like me and shop at a store so steeply discounted that they only carry one pattern (hey at least I didn't buy my "lotus flowers" in pink!) then you must have chosen the adornment upon which you like to stand. Personally I find this baby panda creepy but maybe you just need a big hug when you're lying face down in Sivasana?

Thickness: Yoga mats come in every size from paper thin - you might as well just buy one that looks like wood planks - to super plush. The fluffier your mat, the kinder it is to your knees, back, head and elbows. Unfortunately it is also that much harder to roll up. I've seen people so devoted to their comfort that they give up on rolling up their mats and just walk around looking like they're carrying a piece of dry wall (with leopard spots!). Also, in case you missed all the "breathing through the pain" admonishments, yoginis are not supposed to be wusses so unless you're pregnant then I'd better see headstands on the hardwood people.

Material: Ever wondered what the "sticky" in sticky yoga mats is? Most likely it's some toxic combination of plastic and carcinogen that will not only sicken you from inhaling the delicious plasticky fumes but will live forever in our landfills. You're a junkie and a polluter! (Of course this is the kind I have. Cheap, remember?) If you are environmentally aware however, you can buy all natural rubber mats or at least synthetic ones that don't have that new-car smell. You're green and rich!

Shape: Think rectangle is your only option? Think again! The one time I visited a high-end yoga studio I was shocked to find all the mats were large cushy ovals. Corners harsh your mellow, I guess. Also available are circles, squares and "yoga sheets" - mats large enough that no matter which way you come crashing out of your inversion, you'll still land on mat. Although you should know that the larger your mat, the more territorial you appear. Floor space is at a premium; are you a good sharer?

Bag: While creativity is limited with the actual mats, options abound for the bag you carry it in. (Of course you need a mat bag! Always practice safe yoga, that's my motto.) Is your mat bag a simple, austere strap? (Do you also tie back your pony tail with a string you bit off the frayed cotton hem of your tank top?) Or do you robe your mat in bright flowers or polka dots? I'll admit it: mine is the grand dame of mat bags. Fed up with carrying a gym purse, a diaper bag and a yoga mat that unrolls at inconvenient moments, I finally got this baby:

Owner: This is probably the most telling aspect of your mat. Do you own your own mat or borrow one from the gym? Sure remembering your mat in the trunk of your car is hard but getting impetigo from putting your child's pose where someone else put their open-sore cobbler is much worse.

Do you use a mat in group fit classes, when you stretch or do yoga? Do you bring your own mat or use the gym's? Anyone else ever end up accidentally seeing va-jay-jays in something innocuous? Tell us what kind of mat you use and we'll make random authoritative judgments about your morals in the comments!

*One of the best yoga tips I ever got (and heaven help me I can't remember which one of you taught me this on your blog so if it was you know that a) I love you! and b) feel free to name check yourself and post a link!) was to fold your yoga mat in half - short edge to short edge - before you roll it up. That way the patterned side that you rest your face on never touches the floor side. Try it!

New Trend: Texting While Running

American racers are sissies, in Europe they are way less lax on enforcement. "Oh hai! I will teach you to look where you are running - buttock, say hello to my two pointy friends!"

"Don't forget to follow my race tweets!!" my friend* texted me on the eve of her big race. The Twin Cities Marathon was yesterday - huge props to all my peeps who ran it! (Way to go, Tracey - her first one!! And Bill, Shannon and Meghan!) - but I figured she was kidding. Who tweets while running a marathon? Remembering the last time I ran farther than 20 miles (um, over two years ago, sigh), I was a) too exhausted to form a coherent post and b) so sweaty that had I even had my phone on me I would have fumbled it through my slippery hands and drop-kicked it over the finish line.

So imagine my surprise when my phone chimed with an announcement from her at the start line. Well, I figured, she's not running yet. But then mile marker two brought a hot foot alert. The aid stations were serving Powerade in red cups, just in case you are curious. Possible blister at mile 14. Definite blister at 16. Cramp at 17. Ominously (or mercifully?) that was the last text I got from her. While the blow-by-blow was very entertaining for me, as it went on I began to worry about her safety on the race course. Twin Cities is pretty strict - they won't even let you use your iPod on the course out of concern for the safety of all the runners - so I can only imagine what they'd do if they caught you texting. In other races, I've heard many a runner complain about getting veered into by electronically distracted racers. Of course the complainant is generally sporting white earbuds but that's another issue I suppose.

Just walking while texting is risky - you may remember the 15-year-old girl who walked into an open manhole in Long Island whilst texting. Plenty of us have walked into walls, fallen off curbs, and apologized to a mannequin after bumping into it in the mall, thanks to walking and texting. (Yeah, that last one was me. It was super embarrassing.) So if walking and thumb-typing is that tricky, it's a miracle more runners haven't been injured fussing with their gadgetry.

And it's not just phones that are the issue. I once tripped over a tree root and did one of those face-plant prat falls in the dirt thanks to messing with the readout on my heart rate monitor. (It said I was flat-lining! Clearly an emergency!) Thanks to iPods, GPS systems, heart rate monitors and, yes, phones, runners have a million reasons to take their attention off the road. But is it worth it?

For myself, running without music is pure agony. I better either have a friend loaded with juicy gossip or an mp3 player loaded with a heart-pounding playlist to get me through my long runs. (Side note: I can walk for hours listening to podcasts but I can't run to them. Also, I can't stand books on tape. The people read.... so.... slow.... that I just want to grab them by the lips and scream, "Talk like a normal human, not a robot!") I also generally wear my heart rate monitor. And if I were rich enough to have a Garmin I'd darn sure be wearing that bad boy too. But all of those are, in theory anyhow, "set it and forget it" (I'm the Ron Popeil of fitness!) gadgets. Properly set up you shouldn't have to mess with those for the duration of your run. Texting on your phone, however, is a different story.

What's your opinion on texting while running? Have you ever fallen in a manhole cover? Anyone else totally unable to run without music? 'Fess up: How much of a techno-geek are you on your runs? (Anyone else think people on books-on-CD read too slowly??)

*Details have been changed to protect the, er, innocent.

The Trick to Tabata Workouts [Bring a Barf Bag]

This is one way to ensure you are running at maximal ability. Not that I recommend it.

20 seconds of work followed by 10 seconds of rest. That's one Tabata interval or "Tabata" if you're in the gym and want to sound like all the cool kids. Sounds simple, right? This little gem, a staple of most of the hardest workouts around, revolutionized - some say even began - the fitness frenzy surrounding high intensity interval training or "HIIT." (To prove you're both hip and culturally relevant, feel free to tell your workout partner to "HIIT me baby, one more time!" Bonus points if you do the hair-flippy move. Extra bonus points if your partner replies, "Ok, Bit-Bit!"(Double parenthetical: Have you seen that video lately? She was such an earnest little singer! And, also, there's no way she hasn't had a boob job.))

Why Tabatas?
So how could something so simple be so revolutionary? According to the research, first started by Tabata himself on elite Japanese athletes, doing as little as four minutes (or 8 Tabatas) can increase your aerobic capacity, anaerobic capacity, VO2 max, resting metabolic rate, burn more fat (and make you look 200% crazier) not only as good as, but better than, a traditional 60 minute aerobic workout. That's right - 4 minutes of Tabatas can get you better fitness gains than a whole hour of running on the treadmill.

How To Do Tabatas
So why isn't everyone doing them? Well I said it was simple but I never said it was easy. In fact, if it is easy then you're doing it wrong. Those 20 seconds of rest are balls-to-the-wall* all out 100% effort. You should see stars. Your heart should be trying to claw a hole in your chest cavity to get out. You should be able to play Rorshach in the ginormous puddle of sweat surrounding your machine. You might even see a light and a long tunnel (don't worry, you're not dying it's just the flashlight thingy the medics are shining in your eyes to check for a concussion after you passed out and hit your head on the treadmill handlebars.) You know those RPE (rate of perceived exertion) charts on the wall of every gym? During Tabatas, you should be a 10+. Barftastic!

Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to be a runner to do Tabatas. Any aerobic activity - biking, swimming, jump roping, boxing, squatting, Matrix-style building jumping - can be adapted to a Tabata interval. Although for beginners, running is probably the simplest way to start. For myself, the best (read: hardest) Tabatas I've ever done were punching Sensei Don during Karate class. Yeah, yeah, he was holding pads up. (I split my knuckles wide open on 'em and he still made me finish! I have never been so proud of workout wounds.) Incidentally, the very first Great Fitness Experiment I ever ran - over 3 years ago - was Tabata intervals for twenty horrible minutes on the stationary bike. To this day, the Gym Buddies and I do them about once a week.

To do a running Tabata, all you need is a track or a treadmill. If you are on the track, simply run at full speed for 20 seconds, stop and suck wind like you're the only windmill keeping South Dakota on the grid for 10 insanely short seconds, and then repeat 7 more times. If you are on the tready, power that baby up until it sounds like a jet ready for takeoff. The Gym Buddies and I do max speed but just do whatever you think is the fastest you can run. It will look scary and too fast but you'll be fine once you jump on, I promise. (Or you'll fall off. I've done that too. You'll still be fine, albeit a tad rug-burned.) Jump on and run for 20 seconds. Straddle the belt and hoover in some air for 10 seconds. Repeat 7 times.

The Trick
The trick to a good Tabata workout is this: a good timer. You cannot estimate when 20 seconds and 10 seconds have passed. I promise you. No matter how good you think you are 1-mississippi-ing, your brain will be so fuzzy that you will need help. If you are running on a treadmill you can use the clock on the display - just make sure you start on a 0 or you'll have to do math and sprint at the same time which adds a level of difficulty not even Einstein would want.

If you're not on a treadmill though, timing is hard. There is an iPhone app for it (if there's a "Pocket Girlfriend" app, of course there's a Tabata timer!) but who wants to hold their phone in their sweaty hand while they're sprinting so hard that blackness is overtaking their vision thereby making it highly likely they will crash into something (a real girlfriend, maybe?)? You can download a "Tabata song" onto your iPod that just beeps repetitively for half an hour but then you can't listen to your music while you do it. You can also program your watch to beep in intervals but if you can figure out how to do that then you're smarter than me and my computer science degree put together. (Ok, not that that's hard - I'm a ridiculously bad programmer.)

The easiest way I've found is to just get a simple gym timer. Gymboss sent me one of theirs to try out for free and I really liked it. Its only purpose in life is to be an interval timer. No worries about deleting your podcast or resetting your lap count or accidentally changing your ring tone to *beep* 20 seconds *beep* 10 seconds. You can set it to any interval you'd like and it also has a vibrate option if you prefer to be discreet with your Tabata-lovin'.

Any of you love (to hate) Tabatas like I do? How do you time yours? Are you the kind of person who prefers short super-intense workouts or would you rather run at a steady pace for 60 minutes than endure a HIIT? Anyone else ever fallen off the treadmill??

*All these years I've been saying this, I have thought it had something to do with running balls - as in basketballs, kickballs, whatever-balls - to the wall in some kind of mad speed drill. But having just typed that out I think it may perhaps have a cruder meaning? Although I can't imagine what those balls would have to do with walls and running. Please don't disillusion me. Update: Chelsey educated me in the comments, "I believe that "balls to the wall" is actually an aviation metaphor. That stick that they push forward to make the plane go faster has a ball on top of it and when it's pushed "to the wall" you are going all out." So both my innocent and dirty thoughts were wrong! Buwhahahah!

High Intensity Bootcamp Report! [War Wounds]

When our trainer said he was going to use the TRX to whip us into shape, I didn't think he meant literally:

What I love about this picture:
1. ATTACK OF THE HUGE HAND! Run! Hide the children!

2. The fact that I am concentrating so hard - as evidenced by my durn-all-these-new-fangled-contraptions-and-their-tiny-buttons facial expression - and yet I still forgot to move the camera strap. Or suck in my stomach. You'd think I'd never used a digital camera before.

3. My awesome shower curtain. It's cleanliness and an education, all in one! Only downside is if my kids wander into the bathroom (as they are wont to do - privacy, whaaaa?) then I have to hide strategically. Thank goodness this is a Mercator projection map so South America is overly large!

4. Oh yeah - and my war wounds! First day of HIIT bootcamp and our trainer had us doing these squat-jump-swing things on the TRX. (Okay technically there's not supposed to be any swinging with the squat-jumping - I just can't help myself, it's too fun!) The TRX schooled me good and then slapped me around a bit for getting smart with it. Yes, there's a matching set of scrapes and bruises on the other side!

What do you think - is leaving marks the mark of a good workout? Do you have any battle scars from the gym you're particularly proud of? You've seen lots of my shower curtain - what does yours look like?

PS> If you are looking for more to read today, check out Leslie's article in Ladies Home Journal - she interviewed me on slide #8!

The Fitness Trend I Wish Would Make a Comeback [The Sweaty Bangs Problem]

Yes, I've used this picture twice on this site before but that is just how deeply I love this dude. I have titled it "Awesome Sauce." I think he may be the patron saint of the GFE!

Bikram kickboxing - you many not have heard of doing kickboxing in a super heated room before but let me tell you it's all the rage at my Y. Oh it's not intentional, it's just what happens when you cram 70+ sweaty bodies into a tiny studio with poor ventilation. We sweat so much all over the floor that Turbo Jennie had to bring in carpet dryers to keep us all from hitch-kicking right onto our well-toned tushies. (Confession: while I haven't kicked myself onto the floor - YET - lest you think me more of an athlete than I am, I did accidentally slide into the horizontal splits trying to do a plie squat. I'm already getting excited for ice-rink kickboxing come winter, when all our sweat freezes to the floor!) So today while I did slip-n-slide roundhouses, I was contemplating fitness trends that I really really wish would come back in style. Why? Because thanks to my propensity to sweat like a dude and my cute bangs, so much salt water runs into my eyes that I'm considering shaving off my eyebrows to fully embrace my pale-wet-and-clammy aesthetic:

You love me, Powder.

You know what I need? A sweatband. Oh yes, one of these bad boys:

They still make them. Under Armor even makes pink ones and I had one in my cart before bowing to the whims of fashion and taking it out. Hey, I may not be the most fashionable girl around but I do like to look au courant and for some bizarre reason bangs-in-your-eyes is the It style right now.

They look adorable but trust me when I say they are about as comfortable as wearing sunglasses rolled in dog hair. They get even worse when I sweat.

I've tried other solutions. Bobby pins work great for pulling my bangs out of my face but they don't do squat for the sweat rivulets. Headbands are super cute right now but I must have the world's weirdest shaped head because they pop right off with all the zeal of Tim Gunn making fun of "I must be carried down the stair by a phalanx of men" Anna Wintour. (You must watch this video, I have never seen Tim Gunn so happy! Or Jon Stewart for that matter.) And I can't pull off do-rags due to the fact that I'm neither black nor an extra on Little House on the Prairie.

So you see how I have arrived at the sweatband? The terry cloth is wonderfully absorbent, the circular shape enfolds my sweaty forehead in a gentle hug, AND it's machine washable! The only problem is I think I'd look more Muppet-unibrow than trendy Hipster:













For the love of little green apples, I'm a 32-year-old soccer mom! (Okay, "soccer mom" in name only - my boys actually do Show Choir, and do it awesomely, I might add.) Help me out! Do you have the sweaty bangs problem too? What do you do? Should I just buck convention and wear the sweatband with pride? What bygone fitness trend do you wish would come back?

PS> You know what else is awesome and I wish I got to wear more of? Tennis dresses. All the coverage of a skirt but so many more cute options! Although maybe not quite like this:

Um, Venus? Do you know you have fireworks exploding out of your lady business? Also, this looks like the world's least-flattering tank top but if you see yourself in the other pictures you will realize this is actually a dress. (You should, you designed it!) Typically we associate crotchtacular dresses with inebriated starlets. Don't be that girl Venus. Think of the children.

But I do give you mad props for wearing underwear! Although I do feel compelled to tell you that when they say to wear flesh-toned undies they mean underneath something else. Carry on being awesome now.

The Art of Saying No

"No." Jelly Bean, 9 months old, said her very first word a few days ago! It was very clear (and very much a product of having three older brothers who like to scream that word incessantly) - said in the context of me taking away the graham cracker she was powdering the floor with. You do not get between that girl and her food. She was still her pleasant adorable self but a steely look came into her eye as she said it again, this time with more force. "NO." And then she spitup blueberries down the front of her clean dress.

I could learn a few things from Little Sister. And not just how to barf with class. I'm terrible at saying no. It's the curse of the people pleaser - if someone deigns to ask you to do something for them, you say yes and thank them for the privilege. If I were perfect at this, I would be sainted by now and Mother Theresa and I would be swapping tips over whatever it is people drink in heaven. As you should know by now though, I am a case study of Imperfect.

My problem is that I often say "yes" when I know I should say "no" and then passive-aggressively take it out on the asker. Consider my ex-boyfriend Julian. He wanted to get married. I wanted to be 19 and unencumbered. So when the time came to move him into the "ex" category, did I just (wo)man up and tell him no, I would not marry him? Of course not! I made up an elaborate lie about how my dad (I'm sorry dad!) had gotten cancer (I'm sorry cancer sufferers!) and I had to drop out of school to go home to Chicago (I'm sorry Windy City!) to care for him. I even managed to eke out a few tears as I explained why our love could never be.

The lie worked brilliantly for about a week. Until he called to ask my roommate for a forwarding address to which he could send a card and she said, "Charlotte's right here. Why don't you ask her yourself?" and handed me the phone. Um, awkward. Talk about the worst way ever to break up with someone. A simple no would have been better all around.

Fortunately I'm thirteen years past that atrocity and can laugh about it now. (Hopefully he's somewhere laughing about it too and not throwing darts at my face.) But I still have a ridiculously hard time saying no. So you will be very proud of me when I tell you that I got an e-mail to try out a super duper cool new fitness gadget that tracks your calories and energy expended and sleep patterns and everything... and I turned it down. While it made me sad to turn my back on a cutting edge fitness gadget, I knew in my heart of hearts that using it would undo all the hard work I've done these past few months. I've finally broken that cycle of tracking every bit of food in and every drop of sweat out. And I can't go back to that again and keep my sanity.

I said no.

It didn't feel good. I'm one of those chronic second-guessers. When I'm bored waiting in lines, for fun I'll go over all my past mistakes and try out different scenarios until I find one that would have been better or until my number at the pharmacy comes up. And so the second after I sent the e-mail I panicked. What if it turns out to be the next IT thing and I missed the boat? What if all the other cool bloggers try it out and rave about it and I look lame and out of touch? What if it would have given me the body of my dreams??

But then today I felt good about it. Because saying no to this one thing is actually saying yes to taking care of myself. Yes to listening to and trusting my body. Yes to eating ice cream, sometimes. Yes to skipping a workout, sometimes.

Possibly related to the Yes: This morning I stepped on the scale and it was up two pounds. Instead of my usual closet-crying and day of mourning routine, I looked in the mirror and thought, "It's wrong. I feel awesome. I look great!"

Do you have a hard time saying no too? What do you say no to in order to say yes to your health? Anyone else ever broke up with an ex in a really cruel way?

New Research: Toning Shoes, Instability Exercises Don't Work

Shoe pants. (Shpants? Poos?) Brilliant. If you keep the laces going up, you could use them like suspenders thereby completing the trifecta of cool.

You knew they were too good to be true. We all did. And yet "Officials from Reebok, a unit of Adidas, say the EasyTone is the company’s most successful new product in at least five years." I blame the word "easy." Here's how it went down in my brain:

Um, I have to wear shoes. (And a shirt or I won't get any service.) Minnesota weather precludes me from going barefoot 9 months out of the year so they're an evil necessity. So if I must wear shoes, I might as well get a little bit of toning action in at the same time, right? How hard can it be - they're actually called EASY.

Unfortunately I discovered very quickly that wearing "toning shoes" not only didn't do anything noticeable for my legs or butt, but they were also painful and nearly injurious. I picked the MBTs for my 30-day Experiment as they are generally considered to be the best (and science-iest), if not the prettiest, of the toning shoes. I didn't last 30 days. I barely lasted two weeks. There's a reason you never see a Weeble Wobble lifting weights (besides the fact they have no arms or legs). Turbo Jennie wanted to give them a spin as well so I gave them to her with the instructions to wear them as long as she liked. She gave them back to me the very next day. If a physical education teacher and group fitness instructor doesn't think they work, then the shoes have a serious credibility issue.

Recent research has back up my experience.

The American Council on Exercise (ACE), America’s leading authority on fitness and the largest non-profit fitness certification, education and training organization in the world, today released the findings from an independent research study on the effectiveness of popular toning shoes including Skechers Shape-Ups, MBT (Masai Barefoot Technology) and Reebok EasyTone. The study, one of the first from an independent organization, enlisted a team of researchers from the Exercise and Health Program at the University of Wisconsin, La Crosse, and found no evidence to suggest that the shoes help wearers exercise more intensely, burn more calories or improve muscle strength and tone. "Our findings demonstrate that toning shoes are not the magic solution consumers were hoping they would be, and simply do not offer any benefits that people cannot reap through walking, running or exercising in traditional athletic shoes.” [ACE Fitness]

Jen Sinkler, editor of Experience Life, explains the fundamental problem with these shoes (and any unstable training surface, including BOSUs and exercise balls) on her blog Survival of the Fittest saying, "The idea that training on unstable surfaces is a good thing is flawed in and of itself -- check out "Build Your Balance" for a glimpse into Eric Cressey's research on the topic (the gist: unstable-surface training makes you slower and less powerful) -- and aside from that, the muscle-activation research these shoe companies are producing is flimsy at best (tiny studies, questionable results)."

The shoe failure did not surprise me. (After all, what do you expect from a company that uses talking boobs to sell shoes?) The BOSU failure, however, did. For years I've seen people doing all kinds of different activities on the BOSU (both sides up) ball: everything from weight lifting to jogging to push-ups to abs. Gym Buddy Allison and I used to take a twice-weekly BOSU class. And we really liked it! We were told that doing regular moves on an unstable surface would "activate our cores" and "work our small supporting muscles" as well as improve our balance. Not so, says the research. And not only do unstable surfaces, whether they be BOSU or shoe, not have a fitness benefit they also up your risk for injury.

What's your opinion on unstable surface training? Have you ever tried any of the toning shoes? Do you love the BOSU/Swiss ball/balance board? Does this research change your mind about any of it? Anyone else think that stupid talking boobs ad is one of the lamest ads of all time?

Shoe fish. Not brilliant.

June's Great Fitness Experiment: Eating Like a Normal Person (Plus Pilates Experiment Results)

And this is why your mom told you not to swallow your gum.

Friday found me curled in the fetal position, succumbed to the dreaded body image double whammy. Chances are you've been there too. It's the one-two punch of ill-fitting clothes and an unexplained jump on the scale. The upper cross to my jaw was the arrival of an adorable workout skirt that I ordered in my usual size, only to discover it is uncomfortably tight through the hip/thigh area. The sucker punch to my stomach though was the overnight - and I kid you not - arrival of 6 pounds. I did the ugly cry (mad props to Oprah, by the way, for introducing that phrase into the lexicon); both my mascara and my nose did runneth mightily.

For some reason - and I don't blame the Pilates but more on that later - this month I've gained back every single pound I've lost since January. As you may recall (or not, I can't imagine you are nearly as interested in my weight as I am) since Jelly Bean was born, I have been losing steadily at about 1 pound... a month. Most diet plans say you can safely lose 1-2 pounds per week but no matter, as long as the numbers were trending down rather than up I could keep a lid on the Boy George histrionics. And then. All that hard work - 6 months of working out 6 days a week and recording every calorie and being way under my maintenance allotment (even without adding in the nursing calories) - was erased in just a few short weeks. The worst part? It was for no good reason. This is the part in the weight-loss movie where I shake my fist at the sky and scream BUT I AM DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT!!! According to MyPlate (you all were right - that really is the best calorie tracker), I should have been losing 2.5 pounds a week. For everyone who says that weight loss is simply a matter of calories in/calories out I offer myself up as a living rebuttal.

This tear-soaked weekend has lead me to two conclusions and I think they may surprise you.

1. I'm done dieting. I'm so tired of being wrecked every time the scale goes up. It's ridiculous and heart breaking and infuriating to me that I am 31 years old and am still in the thrall of this thinner-is-better ideal. The only thing I have lost with this manic devotion to weight loss would be my mind. Some people take a declaration of "I'm done dieting" to being tantamount to "I don't care about my health." For me, giving up dieting is embracing my health. I have to believe that my body wants to run faster than a speeding toddler, leap park benches in a single bound and heft heavy grocery bags with one arm.

2. I don't know how to eat normally. I've mentioned Geneen Roth's book Women, Food and God on here so many times in the past few weeks that you probably think I'm schilling for her (I'm not. And FCC - I bought the book myself.) but reading it made me realize that I am completely ignorant of basic facts about my body. What does hungry feel like to me? What does full feel like? Why do I want to crawl out of my skin with anxiety if I have to eat without any distractions? Why have all my recent binges - and I use that word loosely in this context - been brought on by whole wheat muffins, whole wheat bread and whole wheat pasta? Can I possibly be addicted to whole wheat?! (And also, why do I get the full-body shudders when seeing someone pull fabric through their teeth? Okay so this one doesn't have anything to do with the book but I've wondered about this for a long time. Nails on the chalkboard? No problemo. A toddler chewing on a washrag? You will find me rocking back and forth in the corner screaming with horror. I cannot be the only one who has this phobia, right?)

Ms. Roth has 7 guidelines for eating like a normal person. For the month of June, I am going to try to follow her guidelines for eating. Some of you may think this Experiment is a cop out but I'm telling you that I have never - and I'm including the time I went Primal - been so scared to do an Experiment. And I have never wanted so badly for an Experiment to work. Because I cannot - I will not - keep bawling my eyes out over my stupid weight.

Geneen Roth's 7 Guidelines for Eating

1. Eat when you are hungry. (You say duh, I say I have never eaten to hunger since I first knew what a diet was. I'm not even sure I know when I'm truly hungry! What if my body wants to eat every hour?)
2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment. (Calm environment with 4 kids is asking a bit much but I'll do my best. I can at least sit down at the table as opposed to hunched over the counter or keyboard, per my usual.)
3. Eat without distractions. No TV, radio, computer, books or magazines. (I hate this guideline. HATE it. Which makes me think it's probably really important that I do it. Sigh.)
4. Eat what your body wants. (My body really likes to eat healthy. That won't be the hard part. This whole wheat thing though - that's going to be tricky.)
5. Eat until you're satisfied. (In the past, I eat until my allotted portion is finished whether or not I'm full. Just like I'm not sure if I can recognize hunger, I'm also not sure I can recognize satiety. Which is probably the whole point of guideline #3.)
6. Eat in full view of others. (Are you a secret eater? I am, sometimes. In my daily life I'm not but I do have episodes of secret eating that almost always follow eating at a party or with friends. I feel deprived that I can't eat all the rich food that my (skinny) friends do and then go home and eat an entire package of vegan chocolate. Nice.)
7. Eat with enjoyment. (WHAT? Since when is food enjoyable?? I'm the girl who still thinks that given the choice I'd take a pill for all my daily sustenance and avoid food altogether. And I hate this about me.)

So I wrote down these guidelines on a cute little card and tacked it to my fridge. For June's GFE, I'm going to try to eat. Like a normal person.

(For our workouts this month, the Gym Buddies have requested a return to Heavy Lifting. Which means we'll be doing CrossFit this month. It's a killer workout - it's one of the few past Experiments that we keep going back to over and over.)

Pilates Results
There appear to be two kinds of people in the fitness world, those who love Pilates and those who hate it. I am in the former camp but unfortunately most of the Gym Buddies are in the latter which meant I spent most of this month hundred-ing and scooping out my stomach by myself. For a girl who works out in no small part due to the social aspects, this was a serious blow.

A lot of the Gym Buddies' apathy has to do with the quality of the Pilates instruction, I think. The instructor and their willingness to teach and correct make a huge difference in how well Pilates works. I learned that I am NOT a good Pilates instructor. I hadn't intended to be one but due to the dearth of available classes at our gym and my unwillingness to pay for private lessons, it ended up being me trying to teach the Gym Buddies the Pilates technique out of books. That went very badly - and hilariously - so I take full responsibility for their non-love.

Fortunately for me, there are some great Pilates instructors out there who really know their stuff and three of them took pity on me and spent some time helping me out. For those of you in the Minneapolis area, Melissa Schenck, Ann Flynn and Jennie Berglund are excellent and dedicated instructors. When I got to take their classes, which wasn't often enough, they worked me out good and hard - I was SORE sore. (I won't mention by name the other instructors except to say that one class was so horrible we ended up walking out early. I only say this here to warn you that Pilates is not the kind of thing you can learn in a two-hour workshop one weekend.)

Melissa taught me probably the most valuable thing I learned from the whole Pilates Experiment: how to find a neutral spine. I've heard instructors talk about having a "neutral" spine or pelvis hundreds of times but it turns out that what I think is neutral is actually a huge curve in my lower back (think Keri Strug after landing her one-legged vault). I blame gymnastics. And the six-fingered man. At any rate, she taught me how to lay on my back and put my hands in a diamond shape with my thumbs on my belly button and my index fingers right on top of my pubic bone. When my hands are flat, my spine is neutral. When my thumbs are higher, I'm arching my back (a no-no in everything from Pilates to weight lifting). And when my index fingers are higher, my spine is "imprinted" or pushed into the floor - a position good for protecting your back when your abs are weak. (And yes I actually had to lift my head and look at my hands to see what position they were in.) Knowing how to put your spine into neutral is important for doing any kind of ab work but even better, standing with a neutral spine makes you look 10 pounds thinner instantly!

Melissa also did a killer workout with Gym Buddy Megan and I on the Reformer. That shoulder workout rivaled anything CrossFit or P90X has thrown at us. I would love to do more on the Reformer in the future - it seems like a great fitness tool. Gotta save up first though as that thing ain't cheap. Ann introduced me to a device called a Core Pole - a big metal pole with resistance bands attached to it - that can be used to simulate a lot of the moves done on the Reformer, especially when you add a Swiss ball. Her classes also made me Good Sore (plus I got to tell people I was going to my Pole class - awesome.) Lastly, Jennie (also known as Turbo Jennie when she's in round-housing mode) teaches a class called PiYo, a blend of Pilates and Yoga moves. The class is fast paced and challenging and the leg-butt routine was so hard that it took an entire week for me to stop walking like I had a Core Pole jammed up my heinie.

My verdict: Pilates can be a fantastic workout with the right instructor. Doing it from videos and/or books without prior instruction probably won't give you good results. It's worth the time and money to find a really good teacher.

Hold me, I'm scared!
Who's getting down with me with the Guidelines for June's GFE? Can I really learn how to eat like a normal human?? Anyone have any experience with wheat addiction (i.e. Am I crazy to think I'm addicted to wheat?)? Can you tell when you are hungry and when you are full? Pilates: Are you a lover or a hater? Wanna do CrossFit with us this month?

Your Period Cramping Your Workout Style? There's a Shoe For That!

If you are a woman, you must watch this video. I dare you not to laugh inappropriately loud.

Benjamin Franklin forgot something when he said "nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes." He forgot menstrual cycles. Being that he's a man, I suppose I'll have to forgive him for not knowing what millenia of women do: That every month the majority of us women between 12 and 50 will spew stain-inducing bodily fluids with a regularity and frequency that put both death and taxes to shame (after all, unless you're Elvis you'll only die once.)

The worst thing about Aunt Flo, Aunt Rosie, My Friend, Mother Nature's Visit, My Present - besides the stupid nicknames we give it - isn't that it knows no regard for expensive cruises, athletic tournaments or white dresses being worn while riding a white horse on a white beach inexplicably holding a white badminton racket; it's the hormone fluctuations that go up and down behind the scenes. At their very worst, out-of-control progesterone and estrogen fluctuations cause misery ranging from wicked PMS/PMDD to cystic acne to unwanted facial hair. (side note: Ever notice how it's always "unwanted facial hair"? Is there such a thing as wanted facial hair? Eyebrows, I suppose. But even those we pluck, wax or thread into submission.) But we know all this already. The part we rarely talk about is the effect of our monthly hormone cycles - and you still have some hormone fluctuations even if you're on a hormonal birth control method that lessens or eliminates your period - on our workouts.

I once had a yoga teacher ask me if I was menstruating. No, I hadn't leaked all over my yoga mat (although that would have made for one heck of a story) but we were getting ready to do headstand inversions and she wanted to make sure none of the women were bleeding because - and I swear she actually said this to me - going upside down would inhibit my uterus from being able to expel the blood because of gravity working against it. I did not retort that seeing as my uterus is a very large powerful muscle capable of expelling whole human beings, it would probably be okay with a few extra g's pulling on that blood. Not to mention that if our hearts can still pump while we are upside down I don't see why the rest of our body wouldn't be similarly able. Needless to say I did the headstands anyways. And yes, I did happen to be "men-stroo-ating." While my period hasn't affected my yoga practice much, it has put a crimp in some of my other workouts.

Period-induced weakness is a topic that comes up with the Gym Buddies and I about once a month - our bodies have all been kind enough to synch up our cycles (you know you are close friends when you even menstruate together). All of us swear that in the few days right before the Crimson Tide (I love you Cher Horowitz!) crashes over us, we lose stamina in our cardio, strength in our weight lifting and the final kick in our chocolate-stained teeth: our pain threshold is lowered. To say nothing of feeling bloated in our spandex Nike leggings. Lest you think this is a mass hysteria (hysteria: translated from Greek meaning literally "roving uterus"), science backs us up. Well, sort of.

While exercising while shedding your uterine lining can be uncomfortable and inconvenient (although this can be mitigated by using a Diva Cup - I cannot tell you enough how much I love that thing!), thanks to both progesterone and estrogen being at their lowest right before the blood hits, the most deleterious effects from your cycle are usually experienced in the pre-menstruating phase. There aren't that many studies on menstruating female athletes but the few that exist do seem to show "best performances during the intermediate postmenstrual days and worse performances during premenstrual and initial-flow days." Women exercising in this phase can expect to feel "increased fatigue" "slight decreases in aerobic capacity and strength" as well as "an increase in perceived exertion" (i.e. you get whiny because doing your usual workout feels twice as hard). To add insult to injury - literally - we're also more susceptible to injury during the menstrual phase of cycle thanks to the work of another hormone, relaxin, that peaks during this phase.

But who needs research when you have a good PR firm? In our ongoing effort to medicalize and then advertise every normal bodily function, Asics has recently come out with a new shoe designed specifically to adjust to a woman's hormone cycles. When you're on your period and your feet swell, the shoe automatically alters its padding to accommodate your hobbit feet. And then when you've finished bloating like you're your own flotation device, they shrink back down again.

Nobody - not the experts, not me and certainly not the shoe companies - is going to tell you to skip exercise just because you're on the rag. In fact, I personally have found vigorous exercise to be the best way to relieve cramps. But I do give you full permission to be cranky while you work out. And the experts recommend easing up a bit during the week right before, and the first few days of, your period. Olympic powerlifting coaches recommend lifting a little lighter either by decreasing your reps or your weight loads. Also, don't feel bad about listening to your body. If you feel more fatigued than normal, scale back that long run. Don't try and push through - this is not the time to try for that PR or up your one-rep max - because you are at a greater risk of injury. Just remember, no period lasts forever and you will fit back into your pants again.

Birth Control Update TMI
In case I haven't sent you all running yet, you're about to get even more up close and personal with my (vacant, yay!) uterus. A while back I wrote a post about trying to figure out the best birth control method and received quite a large number of informative, opinionated and impassioned comments. I ended up choosing to get the Mirena IUD (a.k.a. the "hormonal" intrauterine device). I was worried due to a lot of anecdotal reports I'd heard about it leading to weight gain or making it hard to lose weight after the baby is born. While I can't make any conclusive statements - I have NOT lost all my baby weight yet (which I'm trying to be zen about but you know is driving me nuts) - I've had it in for about 5 months now and have lost some weight. I certainly haven't gained any since having it put it in. Thanks for tuning in to this unscheduled uterine update!

So, Ladies (every time I say that I want to finish it with "you wanna roll my Mercedes?") - any of you noticed a difference in your workouts right before and during your period? Would you still do handstands? Would you buy special "period sensitive" workout shoes? So, Men - have I made you really uncomfortable yet? Just made you glad all over again you're not a girl?

How To Get Health & Fitness Books Cheap

Addiction. It's a strong word but then I'm a strong girl - did about 500 reps of arm exercises (with humiliating 2-lb dumbbells) just today thanks to the ongoing Pilates Experiment - and I have an addictive personality. When I love something, I really really love it. Chocolate. My children. The movie Empire Records (remember when Renee Zellwegger was adorable?). Jelly Beans. Swing dancing. Exercise. Artichokes (which is a genetically inherited predilection, according to NPR some people are born with a gene that make artichokes taste delicious while everyone else only tastes bitter stabby vegetation. Yay, I finally won the genetic lottery in something!)

But the real love of my life are books. Never have I been as passionate about anything as I have about reading. It is only fitting that it was this passion that made me fall in love with my husband. We'd known each other for months and yet I didn't fall madly in love with him until we were walking in the library stacks one star-kissed evening and he said, gesturing randomly to a shelf, "That was a great book." "Which one?" I asked. "All of them," he answered. That man had read every single book in the entire History section of our University. Not one to believe just anything I'm told, I quizzed him. And then I married him. To this day he is the only person I know who has read The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire in its entirety.

I do not jest when I call my love of books an addiction. I must read at all times. We've already discussed about how I can't use the bathroom without adequate reading material (I will even set up little reading stations - an open magazine by the sink so that I can find new recipes while I wash my hands, a book held open by my box of curlers so I can read up on the modern caste system in India while I blow dry my hair.) In the shower I've read my shampoo bottles so many times I have the ingredients list memorized (Is it the sodium laureth sulfate that makes that nice foamy lather?) And of course I am addicted to health and fitness books. You name a popular diet, workout or health routine/guru and I've either read it or want to read it. And thanks to the speed-reading course I took in second grade (no joke), I read 3-4 books a week.

This addiction gets expensive though. The last health book I bought was the life-changing Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth and it was a darn good thing it was life changing because that little 200 page sucker set me back $18. Why not just get it at the library? I was #230 on the waiting list. By the time I got my hands on a copy the sequel (Men, Beer and Satan?) would already be out. Libraries are great for browsing and picking up books you'd never think to read until you feel their heft in your hand or for books that only a few other people want to read. Libraries are terrible for new releases, best sellers and impatient patrons.

There is another solution to buying the book new. Turbo Jennie recently introduced me to a fantastic site (that you all probably already know about but I'm posting about it anyhow on the off chance anyone else missed the memo like I did) called PaperBackSwap. It's so simple: you send a book, you get a book. The book you receive is yours to keep as long as you like - forever if you want! The only price you pay is the shipping to send your books to other people (usually $2-$3).

Today I cleaned off my health and fitness shelf - you really only need to read The Engine No. 2 Diet once to get the idea - and posted them all to share. But now I need to fill my wish list of books I'd like to read! This is where you come in: If you are already a paperbackswap member, can I be your buddy so I can get recommendations from your list? Or just tell me, what is your favorite book right now (any genre)? Which health and fitness books do you love? Did you luck out with the yummy artichoke gene??

PS> If you do sign up for PaperBackSwap, tell them I referred you (by typing in my e-mail addy chariander AT gmail DOT com into the referral box) and I'll get an extra book credit! That's not why I'm posting this but if you're going to sign up anyhow might as well feed my addiction!
PPS> I love memoirs, non-fiction and classic literature. I absolutely hate vampires - especially if they sparkle - zombies and Jane Austen. Take that into consideration when making your recommendations.

How Do You Commemorate an Athletic Achievement? [Giveaway!!]

I have never yet finished a race on my hands and knees but this necklace sure makes me want to try! Funny!

Part of being fitness oriented is setting goals. Everyone has them, whether it's to run to the next lamppost before walking or to qualify for Boston. To stay and finish the kickboxing class or to get your black belt before you're 5oth birthday. To learn how to swim or to swim around the world and get your own reality show. (That's the real American Dream! Screw chickens in pots, we want a home redecorated in the style of Product Placement and the Jillian stamp of approval on our well-toned tushies!) Whatever your goal, nothing beats the rush of accomplishment and pride you feel when cross that finish line, whatever it may be.

So what could be more awesome than finishing? Getting a finisher's medal to show the world that you finished! I jest. Sort of. While there is something to be said for just mentally congratulating yourself on a job well done, when you make a major accomplishment sometimes it's fun to commemorate that moment with a little physical token. Some people buy a new piece of gear (hot little Lululemon running skirt, SeaBreeze?). Others get a tattoo but I'm risk-averse and also not confident of my ability to pick a design that would age well (this fear bred of a horror incurred as a young child catching a glimpse of a fairy-on-shroom inked on a very geriatric breast). And while I do love those giant, flashy medals it's just not socially acceptable to wear them to, say, the office party or PTA meeting without looking like a braggart.

So I stick to jewelry. My thing used to be rings but I've started to run out of fingers - you can only wear so many before people start mistaking them for brass knuckles and sending you invites to MMA (mixed-martial arts) parties. (Had to throw that in there since I did, actually, today get invited to an official MMA press mixer. It's in New York so obviously I won't be attending but I was just flattered to be invited, especially since they thanked my blog for being such a big supporter of the MMA community. Apparently reading my blog before you e-mail me is overrated.) Moving onwards and upwards to the next available skin real estate, I've become attached to necklaces. Not to mention you can fit a whole lot more words on a necklace than you can a ring! Which came in handy when Sarah, GFE reader and owner of Tag! You're It! Designs, contacted me about her fitness-themed jewelry.


Did I have an athletic accomplishment I wanted to commemorate in stamped metal? Does the world need a Tiger Woods statue fashioned entirely out of condoms?? OF COURSE! (You'd better believe there's a picture in that above link. His belt buckle reads "Let's do it, Tiger.")



So what event did I pick to commemorate? Well it certainly wasn't the time I ran until I fainted (see, I skipped the crawling part - the necklace would have had to read "Run" "Walk" "Faint" "Idiot" and that's just not very inspirational). No, I picked my children's names! Anyone who thinks childbirth is not an athletic accomplishment in its own right hasn't seen the way I birth children. There was arm wrestling, lunges and 4 hours of speed walking, if you recall.

So Sarah made me a gorgeous necklace (full disclosure: it was free, thank you FTC) with all five of my kids' names on it - she even remembered to include my daughter who died! I adore it and wear it every day. And she'd like to give one of you a free necklace! To see the design I would pick for you and to get all the details on entering, click over to my giveaway page.

What athletic goals do you have? What achievement are you most proud of? How do you celebrate your victories? Update: Y'all have got to read the directions! To be entered into this contest you have to leave a comment here AND one on Sarah's giveaway page with the code GFE!

All pictures property of Tag! You're it! Designs

This post copyrighted by Charlotte Hilton Andersen for use only on The Great Fitness Experiment.