Fitness 101: What To Do With Body Hair

There are many healthy activities that I wish I could do but for various reasons can't get away with. Take running at night - it feels like flying but there are myriad safety issues. And now that I'm a responsible mom-person, I can't risk a twisted ankle or, worse, a mom-napping. I'd also love to wear a sweat band - They are the epitome of functional! Plus they look like Muppet eyebrows! - but I still haven't found one that my fashion sense will permit. It'd feel really good to hawk a loogie into the spittoons at the gym (I'm not sure what they're called - bidets for your mouth? Oral urinals?? - but they're right next to the drinking fountains at my Y and their express purpose is to be spit in.) and yet it just seems the height of impropriety to spit in public, indoors. And so I don't. I don't run at night, I don't wear sweat bands and I don't spit (unless it's on my fingers and I'm using it to wipe the muck off my baby's face, in the grand tradition of mothers everywhere).

But there is one healthy "don't" that I'd really really like to do.

It all started with CrossFit a few months ago. Like Jen Sinkler pointed out on her blog, the stronger your shoulders get, the harder it is to shave your pits. But I used the "star method" and while it took a bit longer, it worked. This would have just stopped at entertaining over-share fodder at dinner parties except that during last month's Great Running Until I Barf Experiment (if I ever get the privilege of writing another GFE book, that's gonna make an awesome chapter, which is my only consolation for putting myself through that idiocy) my pit hair tried to kill me.

Thanks to a tank top and a lack of bodyglide, my pit hair stubble - it's like a 5 o'clock shadow except I get it at 11 a.m. - chafed so badly that I ended up with two open sores under my right arm. And as everyone knows, the gym is the last place you want to have an open sore thanks to MRSA, impetigo and other scary bacteria. See? Nearly killed - or at least maimed - by my prickly hair. Thank goodness my immune system is still on my side and rallied.

So many questions: Do I just have sharper hair than other people? Or does this happen to other people and they just don't talk about it? Why was it just my right armpit that was afflicted? Would this have been fixed by running in a t-shirt instead of a tank, as suggested by Gym Buddy Megan? And why has this never happened to me before, despite the fact that I've been in possession of said hair ever since puberty? I don't know the answers but there is a solution: stop shaving. Legions of men will attest to the fact that unshaven underarm hair doesn't chafe, nor does it give you razor nicks which then burn like crazy when you put your deodorant on. Why should men get to be the only ones with non-stinging soft braid-able pits?

Then there's leg hair. While I have never been attacked (yet) by razor sharp leg stubble, it can also be a problem. When you are as pale-skinned and dark-tressed as I am, even clean-shaven my legs still look, as one of my sons put it, "all polka dotty." (Poor boy was so disappointed when I told him he couldn't have polka dot legs like mommy.) Anytime men complain about having to shave their faces, I like to point out that for sheer acreage needing harvesting we women have got them beat by a mile. Besides the worst hair-removal damage I have ever done to myself was a lip waxing gone horribly horribly wrong. And we won't even discuss the many many issues with maintaining the hair that is between the pits and the legs.

Before you start mailing me daisy chains and fringed vests, there is a precedent for this. Behold the beautiful yet unshaven:

The most recent example of this is the gorgeous Russian supermodel, Natalia Vodianova, who stepped out in a gown accessorized by some serious fur on her million-dollar gams. (Click through the link to see the close-up if you don't believe me.) And does she look ashamed? Not even a little! As Lauri Apple on Jezebel posits "Hm, maybe she saw herself in the mirror and thought, 'I look awesome,' instead of, 'my legs will displease the gossip press'."

And who can forget the awesome Drew Barrymore sporting her pit hair loud and proud on the red carpet?

One website even put up a poll about which is worse: M'onique's shaggy leg hair or Julia Roberts fluffy pit hair. (Click on picture to enlarge... you know you want to.)

All this shaving business is a fairly new phenomenon. While women have had body hair since the dawn of time, we've only been routinely shaving it off since 1915 when safety razors were invented. (Although it should be noted that many Muslims shave their body hair as part of their religion and have been doing it ever since Islam was founded.) That said, I've never grown out any of my body hair. I've been shaving, waxing and plucking things since the fifth grade when I stole my mom's pink plastic bic and butchered myself in the shower. (I still shudder remembering that early lesson: never slide the razor sideways. Owowowowow.) And honestly, Even though I wish hirsuteness would come back into fashion, I'm probably not going to quit shaving now. I can't even go to the gym in unflattering workout pants much less sport a full arm bush, slave to society that I am.

As to the myth that shaving hair makes it "grow back thicker", wikipedia debunks that - although it notes that pit hair grows faster than other body hair and may require multiple daily shavings to reduce stubble. That's just great. I can barely get one shower a day in and I'm certainly not going to dry-shave under there. I've also tried those deodorants that claim to thin and soften pit hair over time and they so totally do not.

What about you - do you shave, wax or otherwise pillage your body hair? Have you ever grown out your body hair? Have you ever been mauled by your pit stubble? Does it gross you out to see lady pit or leg hair?? Lastly - do you feel weird spitting in those loogie-catchers too?

Workout Leaving You Lightheaded? [The side effect of exercise no one talks about]

www.marriedtothesea.com

Gym Buddy Allison and I share many similarities: young children, a deep love of garage sales and thrift stores, and the same dark hair/light skin that always makes people ask us if we are sisters. Or just confuse one of us for the other. (Hint: she's the taller one with whiter teeth and shiny hair - basically what would happen if the Old Spice Guy knocked up the Pantene lady.) Recently we discovered we also share something else, albeit a mite more disconcerting than our preoccupation with our body fat percentage: We faint.

That's right, a condition normally associated with overly sensitive (or just overly corsetted) 19th-century rich ladies is felling super healthy Gym Buddies left and right. And it's not just fainting but general light-headedness, dizziness and blacked out vision. Before anyone wigs out, it's not as scary as it sounds, it only happens under certain circumstances and... it's perfectly normal. Um, what?

Called Orthostatic Hypotension, it's a seldom talked about side effect of exercise. While one of the known (great) side effects of exercise is lowered blood pressure, this can turn into a bit of a problem in situations that further lower your blood pressure such as suddenly stopping a vigorous exercise or suddenly changing positions. (I think I'm suddenly seeing a pattern!) Avid exercisers that already have low blood pressure are at particular risk for this. As ehow.com explains,

"Exercise can cause sudden changes in blood pressure. A change of 20 points in your blood pressure can cause you dizziness or even fainting. This happens because for that moment the brain isn't getting enough blood. Athletes and those who exercise regularly tend to have lower blood pressure and slower heart rate. So a sudden drop of 20 points could easily put an athlete into the realm of low blood pressure."

I found this out the hard way the other day while kneeling on my floor sorting ultra-adorable girly baby clothes for the Jelly Bean. (She has a silver tulle tutu! With silver patent-leather mary janes! Squeee!) I stood up to hang a dress in her closet and all of a sudden I'm hot, nauseated and my vision is all black. And next thing I know I'm slumped against the closet door on the floor with Jelly Bean staring at me with the cutest bewildered expression on her little squishy face.

This is not the first time I have experienced something like this. My normal blood pressure is usually around 85 over 60 although it's been measured lower and my resting heart rate is about 47 beats per minute. Because of this, my predilection to swoon has become a joke with my husband as I've fainted at least twice with each pregnancy. (Pregnancy is another condition that lowers your blood pressure.) But non-preggo fainting is pretty rare for me. More commonly I'm just dizzy, light-headed, nauseated and have spotty vision for a few seconds. It's remedied by remembering to stand up slowly and steadying myself with a wall or chair for a few seconds until the feeling passes. Except for the rare occasion when I actually hit the floor, these spells are barely noticeable and are not very bothersome to me.

The gym, however, amplifies these - both in intensity and in danger. For instance after doing Tabata sprints around the track with Allison one day, we both reeled to the floor in a strange, slow fall. It seems to have been a combination of working so hard and then stopping so suddenly (we were not going to run even one extra step at that level of exertion, much less take a cool-down lap!) that brought both of us momentarily insensate. Similar to that, while doing my long runs I'm fine but the second I stop running (which of course I do immediately because I'm a "sprint to the finish line" kind of girl) I usually have to sit down for a few seconds on the end of my treadmill and wait for my vision to clear before I can walk to the paper towel dispenser and spritz my 'mill down with ineffective-yet-mandatory cleaning spray.

So what about you - have you ever fainted? Locked your knees during your choir concert? Forgotten to drink water during gym class in a heat wave? Do you get dizzy etc. upon changing positions or stopping intense exercise? Any other good side effects of healthy living that end up bad?

Hydrating During Workouts [I Don't, Do You?]

So many questions: If sitting in the front seat and getting fresh air is supposed to prevent motion sickness, wouldn't a motorcycle be the ultimate puke preventer? And why not take your helmet off to spew? Who bets the dog didn't mind sloppy seconds? Lastly, don't you wish you'd waited until you'd finished breakfast to read this? You're welcome.

Charlotte confession #485: I don't like drinking when I workout. I don't know if it's the feeling of the water sloshing around in my tummy that I don't like or just having to stop my awesome super-intense workout to swish something lukewarm that may or may not have other people's spit in it (occupational hazard of motherhood) around my mouth but the end result is that I rarely drink during exercise. The only time I make a conscious effort to force the liquids is if I'm going for an hour or more but even then I often forget. Not only does this make my pee turn uncomfortable colors (rust? puce? burnt sienna??) but according to everyone who knows anything, dehydration can do everything from decrease athletic performance to increase your weight. Clearly (har, har) I need to remedy this.

My solution? This:

The Fitness Trend I Wish Would Make a Comeback [The Sweaty Bangs Problem]

Yes, I've used this picture twice on this site before but that is just how deeply I love this dude. I have titled it "Awesome Sauce." I think he may be the patron saint of the GFE!

Bikram kickboxing - you many not have heard of doing kickboxing in a super heated room before but let me tell you it's all the rage at my Y. Oh it's not intentional, it's just what happens when you cram 70+ sweaty bodies into a tiny studio with poor ventilation. We sweat so much all over the floor that Turbo Jennie had to bring in carpet dryers to keep us all from hitch-kicking right onto our well-toned tushies. (Confession: while I haven't kicked myself onto the floor - YET - lest you think me more of an athlete than I am, I did accidentally slide into the horizontal splits trying to do a plie squat. I'm already getting excited for ice-rink kickboxing come winter, when all our sweat freezes to the floor!) So today while I did slip-n-slide roundhouses, I was contemplating fitness trends that I really really wish would come back in style. Why? Because thanks to my propensity to sweat like a dude and my cute bangs, so much salt water runs into my eyes that I'm considering shaving off my eyebrows to fully embrace my pale-wet-and-clammy aesthetic:

You love me, Powder.

You know what I need? A sweatband. Oh yes, one of these bad boys:

They still make them. Under Armor even makes pink ones and I had one in my cart before bowing to the whims of fashion and taking it out. Hey, I may not be the most fashionable girl around but I do like to look au courant and for some bizarre reason bangs-in-your-eyes is the It style right now.

They look adorable but trust me when I say they are about as comfortable as wearing sunglasses rolled in dog hair. They get even worse when I sweat.

I've tried other solutions. Bobby pins work great for pulling my bangs out of my face but they don't do squat for the sweat rivulets. Headbands are super cute right now but I must have the world's weirdest shaped head because they pop right off with all the zeal of Tim Gunn making fun of "I must be carried down the stair by a phalanx of men" Anna Wintour. (You must watch this video, I have never seen Tim Gunn so happy! Or Jon Stewart for that matter.) And I can't pull off do-rags due to the fact that I'm neither black nor an extra on Little House on the Prairie.

So you see how I have arrived at the sweatband? The terry cloth is wonderfully absorbent, the circular shape enfolds my sweaty forehead in a gentle hug, AND it's machine washable! The only problem is I think I'd look more Muppet-unibrow than trendy Hipster:













For the love of little green apples, I'm a 32-year-old soccer mom! (Okay, "soccer mom" in name only - my boys actually do Show Choir, and do it awesomely, I might add.) Help me out! Do you have the sweaty bangs problem too? What do you do? Should I just buck convention and wear the sweatband with pride? What bygone fitness trend do you wish would come back?

PS> You know what else is awesome and I wish I got to wear more of? Tennis dresses. All the coverage of a skirt but so many more cute options! Although maybe not quite like this:

Um, Venus? Do you know you have fireworks exploding out of your lady business? Also, this looks like the world's least-flattering tank top but if you see yourself in the other pictures you will realize this is actually a dress. (You should, you designed it!) Typically we associate crotchtacular dresses with inebriated starlets. Don't be that girl Venus. Think of the children.

But I do give you mad props for wearing underwear! Although I do feel compelled to tell you that when they say to wear flesh-toned undies they mean underneath something else. Carry on being awesome now.

Help, I'm Having a Metabolic Reaction! [Send Jelly Beans, Stat.]

Today I experienced one of those weird occurrences that have baffled me ever since I seriously got into fitness - call it the Bermuda Triangle of Exercise, if you will. Just like Amelia Earhart - but less heroic and revolutionary and without the rubber helmet (just what exactly was that supposed to protect you from anyhow?) - today I awoke to a morning just like every other morning, not knowing that by the end of the day I'd be in the grip of a natural phenomenon that science is at a loss to describe. CrossFitters, with their characteristic understatement, have taken to calling what happened to me today "a metabolic reaction."

So there I was, dreaming blissfully of gym underwear that won't wedgify, when I awoke to a toddler shoving a balloon in my lips and commanding me to "fix it." The balloon, like all toys in their natural state at my house, was broken. This is awesome in two respects: a) every mother knows that popped balloons are Public Enemy Number 1 as they are the worst choking hazard known to humankind - not even the best EMT can dislodge the nefarious party good from a tiny windpipe, thereby requiring me to forcibly seize said balloon pieces, leading to b) an argument with a tiny person whose reasoning skills can best be described as "on the fritz." It was an inauspicious start to my day. Needless to say, I missed out on my first a.m. meditation.

The gym started out mellow with Gym Buddy Allison and I running laps and catching up on our weekends. We then moved on to the Monkey Bar Gym workout for the day and amused all the men on the weight floor by attempting plyo pushups alternated with "gorilla ups" - a plyo pull-up with a chest slap (hence the gorilla) at the top. As we were finishing up, we noticed Gym Buddy Krista in one of the studios. At first we were confused as to why she wasn't working out with us and then I realized with a bolt of panic that I had signed all the Gym Buddies up for a kettlebell tutorial immediately followed by a Pilates Reformer class. Today. Allison and I ran in sweaty and disoriented.

So after getting a good burn from the MBG and sweating buckets in the kettlebell class, we started on the Reformer already a bit shaky. I'm not used to an hour and a half of straight no-rest strength training and so by the end was a gooey quivering mess of flesh. All good workouts - don't get me wrong, I enjoyed them! - but I was hammered. By the time I got home I knew I was going to have a "metabolic reaction."

Knowing what was coming, I did my best to prepare. I fed the kids lunch, settled the baby for a nap and the preschooler with a movie and tried to get some work done before it hit. And hit it did. The first time I had a MR, I ended up passed out on the wood kitchen floor, asleep for a solid 30 minutes while my children ran circles around me. And when I say asleep, I don't mean cat-napping. I mean o-u-t. Tornado sirens would not wake me. So today as soon as I started to feel tingly and woozy, I ran upstairs to my bed. I didn't wake up until the first grader got home off the bus. And then I continued to feel unwell - spacey, tingly, fragile and with a ferocious and insatiable craving for simple sugary carbs - for the rest of the evening. I'd be in bed again now except I still have to grade the cursed SATs tonight.

This isn't the first time I've had a MR. Normally it happens when I try a new and particularly challenging workout. I'm not alone in this. Gym Buddy Allison has experienced a MR and it's also well documented on the CrossFit forums. But I haven't been able to predict exactly what circumstances will trigger a MR. What causes it? How do I prevent it? And what is it exactly? It's not just a function of too much exercise - I've gone hours longer than what I did today with no ill effects. It's also not like "bonking" in an endurance race (I've done that too and while it feels awful, it's awful in an entirely different way.)

Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? Anyone else ever have a metabolic reaction to exercise? What did you do? Anybody figured out a way to prevent them?

I'd really like to get to figure it out because I really can't be doing this when I have a houseful of little kids with a predilection for playing with popped balloons.

PS> This post is a rerun from February 2009 but I am putting it up again because a few days ago I had - oh yes - a metabolic reaction. And it throws me EVERY TIME. So please, yes to any advice/explanations/science-y stuff/commiseration.

Scare Tactics: What Keeps You Out of the Gym?

Baffling equipment. Mean girls. Chronic cell-phone chatters. Unidentified puddles of bodily fluids. Germs. Old men on the exercise bike in nothing but tighty whities and black dress socks (true story). There are lots of reasons why people avoid the gym. Frankly, there are probably more reasons to skip the gym than to go. (Thankfully the reasons to go are much more compelling for me than those to skip it!) So when I got this e-mail from Reader M, I was simultaneously irritated - not by her! - and sympathetic:

I keep thinking that I should overcome my fat-girl-phobia and show up at a gym, and then one of these articles come along.

The article she is referring to is the recent New York Times expose (side note - can anyone please tell me how to type the little accent over the e? It's killing me. I once had to write an entire post about my awesome shiny gold leotard that I seriously do workout in, the whole time referring to it as my gold "lame" leo. That's a crime against fashion, is what that is.) "Be Sure Exercise is All You Get At the Gym."

Cue the scary Jaws music, here is yet another article about how bacteria at the gym can kill you. Every few months someone writes an article about MRSA (methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus) - an admittedly terrifying bug - being transmitted through gyms and locker rooms. While the risk is real and potentially lethal, there is a lot of selective reporting involved in this articles (cue my irritation with the NY Times, not my darling Reader M). And I've even written myself several times on this topic (warning: only click through that link if you have a strong stomach. I received more complaints about that pic than any other I have ever posted. Which I don't really get since I think it's hilarious and awesome but I'm gross like that.)

First, as the Mayo clinic points out, while community-acquired cases such as those in gyms, locker rooms and designer wedding dress sample sales (anywhere there is a lot of wrestling involved) are on the rise, "Most MRSA infections occur in people who have been in hospitals or other health care settings, such as nursing homes and dialysis centers." Second, there is a one in three chance you already are carrying MRSA on your skin right this very second. And you are probably still healthy. Lastly, if you do pick up something nasty at the gym - and according to the NY Times 1/3 of us are carrying a contagious skin infection at any given moment - it's more likely to be the unglamorous (but also undeadly) ring worm, athlete's foot, impetigo or, heaven save us from thong panties on a bicycle seat, yeast infections.

I don't want anyone to think that I'm downplaying the seriousness of antibiotic-resistant germs - I had a very dear friend nearly lose her life to one - but I do wish they'd stop using it as a Get Out of Gym free card. Sure you could catch an illness at the gym. But you could also get sick any time you leave the house. I think that the benefits of consistent exercise far outweigh the risk of illness, especially if you take common sense precautions like laying down a towel between you and the weight bench, sanitizing your machine both before and after you use it, wearing flip flops in the showers and drinking Purel straight from the bottle after tongue kissing the towel boy. (None of which I do, by the way. I'm awesome at ignoring my own advice!)

The first part of M's e-mail was what really caught my attention and sympathy though. "I keep thinking that I should overcome my fat-girl-phobia and show up at a gym." Despite the fact that I've been working out deliriously happy in a gym setting for many years now, I have definitely not forgotten how it feels to be new. Whether you are gym-phobic because you are afraid of being the fat-girl freak show or because you're afraid of burrito-ing yourself in gym equipment that has more instructions than the lathe you used in 6th grade wood shop or because you're afraid of missing the step in step class and ending up flat on your back, it all boils down to this: we're afraid of what other people will say (or even think about us).

Do I sweat too much? Is my bacne too disgusting to wear a tank top? Do I smell? Will they laugh at my ratty t and boyfriend's sweat pants? Am I too uncoordinated to do an aerobics class? Will the bootcamp instructor yell at me if I can't run a lap? Will the older women in the pool laugh at me as they pass me lap after lap after lap?

I wish I could tell you no. People are judgmental critters. I don't know if this will make anyone feel better but it happens to all of us. You aren't unique in your problems. I'm not overweight but I've had plenty of people laugh at me, talk about me, and even hawk a loogie into my hair once. I know it hurts; people will roll their eyes, elbow you out of "their" spot, mutter under their breath, giggle. But a lot of it stems from insecurity about ourselves and in my experience if you open yourself up (I know, I hate being vulnerable too!) most people turn out to be remarkably, beautifully helpful and caring. Also, I think people think about us a lot less than we think they do. Chances are that woman's stern look is actually directed at herself in the mirror as she watches her bicep curls and not at your dimpled thighs. Give us the benefit of the doubt and we may surprise you.

And for those who really would be unkind based solely on your weight/clothes/accent/skin color/experience? I'm not going to tell you to "just not care." I care what people think about me. It's very hard not to. But you can acknowledge the hurt without letting it stop you or bring you down. Their negativity will corrode their soul long after you've moved on. Making fun of an overweight person at the gym is like making fun of a sick person for going to the hospital. Exercise is for everybody - literally, every person with a body.

Do you have a gym phobia? Do you worry about germs? Have you ever been made fun of at the gym? How did you deal with it? Any advice for M? Anyone else think this germs-in-the-gym angle is way overblown or am I being flippant about a real risk?

Your Period Cramping Your Workout Style? There's a Shoe For That!

If you are a woman, you must watch this video. I dare you not to laugh inappropriately loud.

Benjamin Franklin forgot something when he said "nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes." He forgot menstrual cycles. Being that he's a man, I suppose I'll have to forgive him for not knowing what millenia of women do: That every month the majority of us women between 12 and 50 will spew stain-inducing bodily fluids with a regularity and frequency that put both death and taxes to shame (after all, unless you're Elvis you'll only die once.)

The worst thing about Aunt Flo, Aunt Rosie, My Friend, Mother Nature's Visit, My Present - besides the stupid nicknames we give it - isn't that it knows no regard for expensive cruises, athletic tournaments or white dresses being worn while riding a white horse on a white beach inexplicably holding a white badminton racket; it's the hormone fluctuations that go up and down behind the scenes. At their very worst, out-of-control progesterone and estrogen fluctuations cause misery ranging from wicked PMS/PMDD to cystic acne to unwanted facial hair. (side note: Ever notice how it's always "unwanted facial hair"? Is there such a thing as wanted facial hair? Eyebrows, I suppose. But even those we pluck, wax or thread into submission.) But we know all this already. The part we rarely talk about is the effect of our monthly hormone cycles - and you still have some hormone fluctuations even if you're on a hormonal birth control method that lessens or eliminates your period - on our workouts.

I once had a yoga teacher ask me if I was menstruating. No, I hadn't leaked all over my yoga mat (although that would have made for one heck of a story) but we were getting ready to do headstand inversions and she wanted to make sure none of the women were bleeding because - and I swear she actually said this to me - going upside down would inhibit my uterus from being able to expel the blood because of gravity working against it. I did not retort that seeing as my uterus is a very large powerful muscle capable of expelling whole human beings, it would probably be okay with a few extra g's pulling on that blood. Not to mention that if our hearts can still pump while we are upside down I don't see why the rest of our body wouldn't be similarly able. Needless to say I did the headstands anyways. And yes, I did happen to be "men-stroo-ating." While my period hasn't affected my yoga practice much, it has put a crimp in some of my other workouts.

Period-induced weakness is a topic that comes up with the Gym Buddies and I about once a month - our bodies have all been kind enough to synch up our cycles (you know you are close friends when you even menstruate together). All of us swear that in the few days right before the Crimson Tide (I love you Cher Horowitz!) crashes over us, we lose stamina in our cardio, strength in our weight lifting and the final kick in our chocolate-stained teeth: our pain threshold is lowered. To say nothing of feeling bloated in our spandex Nike leggings. Lest you think this is a mass hysteria (hysteria: translated from Greek meaning literally "roving uterus"), science backs us up. Well, sort of.

While exercising while shedding your uterine lining can be uncomfortable and inconvenient (although this can be mitigated by using a Diva Cup - I cannot tell you enough how much I love that thing!), thanks to both progesterone and estrogen being at their lowest right before the blood hits, the most deleterious effects from your cycle are usually experienced in the pre-menstruating phase. There aren't that many studies on menstruating female athletes but the few that exist do seem to show "best performances during the intermediate postmenstrual days and worse performances during premenstrual and initial-flow days." Women exercising in this phase can expect to feel "increased fatigue" "slight decreases in aerobic capacity and strength" as well as "an increase in perceived exertion" (i.e. you get whiny because doing your usual workout feels twice as hard). To add insult to injury - literally - we're also more susceptible to injury during the menstrual phase of cycle thanks to the work of another hormone, relaxin, that peaks during this phase.

But who needs research when you have a good PR firm? In our ongoing effort to medicalize and then advertise every normal bodily function, Asics has recently come out with a new shoe designed specifically to adjust to a woman's hormone cycles. When you're on your period and your feet swell, the shoe automatically alters its padding to accommodate your hobbit feet. And then when you've finished bloating like you're your own flotation device, they shrink back down again.

Nobody - not the experts, not me and certainly not the shoe companies - is going to tell you to skip exercise just because you're on the rag. In fact, I personally have found vigorous exercise to be the best way to relieve cramps. But I do give you full permission to be cranky while you work out. And the experts recommend easing up a bit during the week right before, and the first few days of, your period. Olympic powerlifting coaches recommend lifting a little lighter either by decreasing your reps or your weight loads. Also, don't feel bad about listening to your body. If you feel more fatigued than normal, scale back that long run. Don't try and push through - this is not the time to try for that PR or up your one-rep max - because you are at a greater risk of injury. Just remember, no period lasts forever and you will fit back into your pants again.

Birth Control Update TMI
In case I haven't sent you all running yet, you're about to get even more up close and personal with my (vacant, yay!) uterus. A while back I wrote a post about trying to figure out the best birth control method and received quite a large number of informative, opinionated and impassioned comments. I ended up choosing to get the Mirena IUD (a.k.a. the "hormonal" intrauterine device). I was worried due to a lot of anecdotal reports I'd heard about it leading to weight gain or making it hard to lose weight after the baby is born. While I can't make any conclusive statements - I have NOT lost all my baby weight yet (which I'm trying to be zen about but you know is driving me nuts) - I've had it in for about 5 months now and have lost some weight. I certainly haven't gained any since having it put it in. Thanks for tuning in to this unscheduled uterine update!

So, Ladies (every time I say that I want to finish it with "you wanna roll my Mercedes?") - any of you noticed a difference in your workouts right before and during your period? Would you still do handstands? Would you buy special "period sensitive" workout shoes? So, Men - have I made you really uncomfortable yet? Just made you glad all over again you're not a girl?

I Live a Dirty Life ($200 Giveaway!!!)

"Mom, why can't we have a dog?" My son begged.

I gave my standard answer. "Because between you, your two brothers and sister, I already have enough butts to clean up after."

"But mom," he beamed as if he'd solved cold fusion, "dogs totally lick their own butts!" It will speak to his faultless reasoning skills, or my exhaustion, that I actually considered it for a moment before remembering this is the same child who suggested I buy a box of cereal because "it only has 6 pounds of sugar in it."

Butt wiping aside, the mess promulgated by 4 tiny kids is astounding - it's like living in a frat house: underwear on the table, food on the floor and enough pee on the bathroom walls you'd think we'd have just installed wall-to-wall urinals and been done with it. Thankfully they're short so the pee stays below shoulder level. But by far their most high maintenance habit - after their 2,000 piece Lego minefield - is the amount of laundry they generate. So when Arm and Hammer asked if I'd try out their new stain fighting gel detergent I knew I'd have plenty to test it out on. They were particularly interested in seeing if their stain-fighting powers were up to my family's love of the great outdoors.

To see all the embarrassing evidence of my less-than-stellar housekeeping, how Arm & Hammer helped me clean up my act and HOW ONE GFE READER WILL WIN $200 click through to my giveaway page! (Leave all contest entries in the comments of THAT post. Contest winner will be announced Monday March 29.)


Written By Charlotte Hilton Andersen for http://thegreatfitnessexperiment.blogspot.com only! Not to be re-published without permission.

Free Shirt For EVERYONE + Dick's Sporting Goods Winner

Now THAT'S a good bridesmaid!

The middle school locker room has left many a lasting imprint on my mind, most shudder-inducing, but there is one I still giggle about. A girl, NotHerRealName, refused to wear deodorant, claiming that her sweat didn't stink. Oh sure the rest of us smelled like damp dog after an hour of doing pushups on the freshly manured football field (true story) but while she glistened with the rest of us hormonally exploding girls, she didn't think she smelled like the rest of us. Because - in her words - "I can't smell myself." All I can think is she must have been absent the day we got to watch My Body and Me in health class.

I never suffered under the same delusion. I knew I stank then and I know I stink now!

Confession: I throw out a lot of perfectly good workout clothing. It's not that I'm trying to be wasteful but - and I may have mentioned this one or two hundred times - I sweat like a dude. So while my cute definitely non-dude-like tank top may still look decent, if I've had it for more than a few months it has probably accumulated the dreaded workout stench. Once it has passed the point of no return, meaning there isn't a laundry detergent out there that can touch it, I just have to chuck it. I can't in good conscience donate something that smells like swack. I recently had to throw out my most favorite Adidas workout capris (seriously - best workout pants ever; I'm in mourning) because of the stank. Although I have to say the worst offender are my sports bras. The best moment of my workout is when the Gym Buddies and I all sit down to stretch and I lean forward to touch my toes, causing my bra to shoot a little puff of sweaty air up into my face. Never mind a heart rate monitor, I can tell exactly how hard I worked out by how much I offend myself in that moment.

Enter StinkAtNothing.com - this site is giving away free workout shirts treated with some new substance called Agion Active that they swear makes it so your sweat doesn't stink. They aren't asking you to do anything except test it out - just go to their site, give them your info and they'll send you a free shirt. Now, I haven't seen these shirts so they might be as ugly as sin (or more likely have AGION ACTIVE!! stamped in 300 places all over them) but it's free and anything that claims to make my sweat not stink has my attention. After you try out the free shirt, if you tell them about your experience with it you'll be entered into a contest to win an outdoor adventure trip for two.

You already know how much I love being a guinea pig; here's your chance to be one too! Go get you a free shirt!

Can you smell yourself when you sweat? Anyone else have a funny middle school locker room story?

And... the winner of the 50$ gift card to Dick's Sporting Goods is: Megan who wrote "While my girliness came along much later in life, I LOVE my running skirt and think I might NEED the capri version. My poor mother had 4 boys and me, and all I wanted to wear were my brother's hand-me downs (including some sweet tube socks). " E-mail me your info and I'll hook you up!

Cleanses: Dangerous Fad or Integral Part of a Healthy Lfestyle?

Maybe the birds are doing a cleanse too...

If God had intended me to shart Depends would come in a bikini style with fun pattern options. (My buns like to be festive, what can I say?) This was my initial reaction the first time someone talked to me about doing a "cleanse" not of the deep breathing variety. See, I'm what they call a negative first responder. Me at 8: You want me to go to DisneyLand?! Don't you know the Mad Hatter is mad because of severe lead poisoning incurred from his antiquated hat-making techniques? And you want me to go on a ride designed by this idiot?!? (Side note: That trip to Disney I got mononucelosis and ended up not only not getting to ride any of the rides but also missing a month of school. See what paranoia gets you?) Me at 30: You want me to drink a bunch of crappy tasting liquid to flush toxins out of my system? Last I checked my liver wasn't broken and it'd better be doing something to earn it's keep in my abdominal cavity, by golly!

So when one of my friends sent me an e-mail with the subject line of "I can't believe I'm doing this but..." and continued on to say that she and her husband were going to try Jillian Michael's "Cleanse and Burn" my initial reaction was, well, negative. "Don't you know she's already been sued three times over those pills?" I responded shrilly trying not to sound like the bossy know-it-all I totally am. A few days later another friend with a trip coming up e-mailed asking me the quickest way to lose 10 pounds (why she would ask me, the girl still holding on to 10 pounds of baby weight, I have no idea). "Try cutting out a snack and all junk food," I suggested helpfully.

"I need to drop 10 pounds in a week," she clarified.

"Well there's always Master Cleanse," I joked. "That's what Beyonce used to slim down for Dream Girls and she lost 20 pounds in two weeks."

"Perfect!" she exclaimed and started writing down the ingredients.

"Noooo!" I cried. "You might lose some water weight and a lot of poop in the short term but cleanses don't work!"

"Hmm..." she mused, half-joking, "If I'm just trying to poop a lot, what if I cut to the chase and just take laxatives instead?"

"That would be bulimia," I sighed.

And then I got an e-mail from an very sensible old Gym Buddy (old because she moved halfway across the country, not because of her age) telling me that she had just started a 30-day cleanse called Isagenix and not only lost 5 pounds and 15.5 inches in the first week but felt so awesome she did two hour-long runs after not having run for nearly a year. Finally the coup d'etat: Experience Life magazine, one of the most respected and scholarly fitness journals in the biz, ran a whole feature story about, yes, the benefits of cleansing, this time touting Ann Louise Gittleman's "Fast Track Liver Detox" plan.

I think the Universe was telling me to rethink my stance on cleansing. Either that or to stop checking my e-mail.

Do Detoxes Work?
To answer this question we need to look at two factors: the type of cleanse and what your definition of "work" is. A cleanse or detox is defined as, "any health regimen designed to remove toxins from the body." That's pretty generic and could encompass practices all the way from sweat lodges to massage to acupuncture to diets so I'm going to narrow it down here to ones that use a drink, pill and/or supplement to cleanse the body. That still leaves a lot a lot A LOT left but it's a start. Basically there are as many cleanses as you have potentially defective body parts.

As for the definition of "work", that's a little more variable. Most people I know - indeed all of my friends who talked to me about it - follow in Beyonce's stiletto'ed footsteps and cleanse to lose weight or jump start a weight loss plan. Others like Gwyneth Paltrow and Dr. Gittleman recommend detoxing for health purposes such as gaining energy, flushing out toxins, and "restarting" the body. While the latter is very subjective and is mainly supported by people saying things like "I just felt lighter and, you know, cleaner!", the former is pretty easy to quantify. Either you lose weight or you don't. Given those criteria I think it's safe to say that most cleanses work - Beyonce and my Gym Buddy certainly lost plenty of weight.

Jillian Michael's Big Unanswered Question
One big problem with these plans is that you can't "cleanse" forever. And what happens when you return to eating again? A popular theory is that since the weight loss is mainly water and poop as soon as you start drinking and eating again the weight will return as well. Beyonce gained all 20 pounds back - not that she seems at all sad about it, to her credit. But my main issue is that most detoxes are oozing with quick-fix smarminess. Jillian Michaels recently did an interview with a local radio station and before she came on the air, the radio show hosts explained that her P.R. rep had specifically forbade them from asking her any questions about her controversial pills. I was disappointed because I have wondered how someone who tells people every week on The Biggest Loser that the way to lose weight is through very hard work in the gym and a lot of self control in the kitchen can start schilling diet pills without her brain imploding from the contradiction. Instead we got to listen to five minutes of her promoting her new yoga DVD.

Perhaps she prefers to let her Cleanse and Burn system speak for itself. Martha Edwards over at That's Fit tried it out for the full two weeks and reported that while the cleanse pills made her "get the runs" and the burn pills made her "jittery" the side effects did lessen over time and she lost 3 pounds which made her happy although she qualifies her weight loss by explaining that she also made an effort to clean up her diet despite being told by the PR folk, "that's one of the selling points of the product ... no special diet is required." So what of my friend and her husband who also tried it out? My friend quit after the second day when she was knocked out by diarrhea and stomach cramps. She wasn't sure if it was the stomach flu which was making the rounds or rather really aggressive cleansing action from the pills. Either way she didn't finish her pack. Her husband however went through the whole thing and reported similar feelings to Edwards saying that he "pooped a lot" during the first week and spent the second week on a caffeine buzz. He did not lose any weight.

Conclusions
I have no conclusions for you. Honestly I am really conflicted about this subject still. And normally I would try it out myself (oh yes I would!) so I could see how it made me personally feel but I'm nursing and I'm not about to take any risks with Jelly Bean's food supply. On one hand, there is no reputable research that cleanses and detoxes lead to long-term weight loss or health improvements. But on the other hand there are a lot of people who certainly think they do. So now I'm asking you - any of you tried a cleanse or detox? What was your goal in doing it (i.e. weight loss or health improvement)? Did it work? Anyone ever lost a bunch of weight really quickly for a special occasion like a cruise, wedding, or reunion?

The Neti Pot: Adventures in Nasal Drainage

Those of you who signed up to follow me on Twitter are probably really sorry right about now. And no, I'm not talking about that article I posted today about the 600-lb woman in New Jersey who has made it her goal to weigh 1,000 pounds by eating 12,000 calories a day. (The really disturbing part is that she is funding her 750$/week food habit by running a website where men pay to watch her eat fast food. I can only assume she's doing it nude because everyone I know would rather pay money to not have to watch a stranger eat.) No, I'm talking about my live-blogged adventures with the Neti pot.

Like most things that end up with bodily fluids all over my floors, I blame this on my kids. Jelly Bean, specifically. While everyone knows that there are many things you can't ingest while you're pregnant, nobody bothers to tell you that not only do those restrictions continue after your little hitchhiker has caught the last umbilical train out of your uterus but they actually increase if you decide to let them continue on to Hooterville.

I'm not trying to knock breastfeeding - I'm happy that I'm making my kids smarter, healthier, and better at bra-fitting (you'd think, right?) - but it sucks (ha!) when it comes to what you can't eat. Not only has Jelly Bean weaned me off of all foods containing dairy but when I got all congested this last weekend I couldn't even take any medicine (antihistamines can apparently dry up the boob juice). So in desperation I turned to a non-medicinal remedy: the Neti pot. (Why am I capitalizing Neti? I have no idea. Jelly Bean has RSV and I'm so sleep deprived that random capitalization should be the least of your worries. Someone really needs to take away my car keys, is what I'm saying.)

For those of you uninitiated in the ways of sinus flushing, a Neti pot is a little teapot that you fill with salt water and then tilting your head to the side, you pour the water up your nose until it comes out the other nostril. Yes it does feel like you are drowning in the Dead Sea - but only briefly. That is if things go according to plan which with me they never do.

Deceptively adorable, no??

My first attempt had me choking and gagging as the saline ran down my throat. I thought that this must be because my head was too high so I tilted it down further over the sink for the second go-round. IT CAME OUT MY EYE. I inhaled salt water through my nose and squirted it out of my eye socket people. I know this sounds like the best party trick ever but I cannot tell you how disturbed by this I was. And not just because I wear contacts that were now burning from the inside.

It turns out that if your nasal passages are completely blocked, as mine apparently were, the water will do as water does and follow the path of least resistance out. MY EYE. So I did what I do naturally - which was run around shrieking. After a brief Facebook consultation with Gym Buddy Jeni who is so cool that she not only snorts salt water but adds zinc and colloidal silver to her Neti (blinged out sinuses! Take that Lil' Wayne with your wimpy grill!) I blew my nose and tried again. This time it worked. If by worked you mean that I became the world's grossest water fountain.

When I finished my masochistic ritual, I expected that all the snot would be cleaned out and I would be able to breathe unmolested. Wrong again. The human body produces way more boogers than you'd think. Instead of being the After woman on an Allegra commercial, I was now a walking slug leaving a trail of slime as I moped around my house. (Gym Buddy Dennis was so grossed out when I posted that lovely visual that he couldn't eat lunch!) And to top it all off, my sinuses actually felt more inflamed than when I started.

It was at this point I decided to stop using my Internet powers to gross out random strangers and put them to their official use: Googling medical symptoms until I become hysterical. I looked up the Neti pot hoping to find other similar slug stories but instead found WebMD's entirely non-hysterical article "Do Neti Pots Work?" The short answer is yes. Not only have they been around for centuries but research backs up people's claims that it help alleviate with sinus pain, headaches, colds and allergies. Increased congestion can be a temporary side effect although WebMD assured me that it would go away with repeated use. So I did it again the next day (which was yesterday for those of you keeping count) and today I can breathe freely - through exactly one nostril. Partial victory!

Any of you use a Neti pot? Any tricks to help me out? And most importantly, would you pay money to watch a random stranger on the Internet eat? (If enough of you answer yes to that last one I may have just found my new site format!)

5 Olympic Stories You Might Have Missed This Year

Fridays are normally Greatest Hits (i.e. rerun posts) here at GFE but today I wanted to do a quick Olympic news roundup today instead. Between many of you awesome readers and my trusty Google reader, I have a whole (metaphorical) pile of Olympic stories that I keep meaning to blog about and haven't had time to get to. But the Olympics are almost over and there are so many things to talk about! So here it is, quick and dirty:

Strong Triumphs Over Skinny. AGAIN. Tanith Belbin, an American Ice Dancer, has seen a major upswing in her skating career the last few years. Her winning secret? She gained 10 pounds! Yeah, you read that right. After talking about her disordered eating and hitting a low point with her skating where she says, "I [wasn't] eating anything and I [was] exhausted and cranky and stressed and all of those things that make you gain weight even more.” At first when her coach recommended she gain some weight, Tanith like any good American girl, freaked. But as she followed her coach's advice, she began to see the wisdom in it. She "changed her eating and training habits. She grew stronger, allowing curves and muscles to be a part of her body. [skating partner] Agosto said that their lifts have improved, as she can hold herself up more easily." (Thanks for the tip, Becky!)

Skating Makes a Funny. Speaking of Ice Dancing, the skaters in this year's Olympics provided most of the comic relief. Have you see Buzzfeed's "The 20 funniest Figure Skating Faces" yet? You must. MUST. And then there's this roundup of The Best "Skate Face" that are just as hilarious. And here's a look at some of the funniest costumes (yes the US snowboarding team gets a mention with their faux jeans and retro plaids). Plus someone did an analysis of the skaters' hair. Seriously.

Curling is a Sexxxy Sport. The sport of Curling has the odd honor of having both the only (admittedly) pregnant female athlete competing - Canadian Kristie Moore due in May - and its very own line of condoms called "Hurry Hard." I'm not sure what I could possibly add to that little tidbit of awesomeness.

There is a Condom Shortage Crisis. Speaking of sex, Curlers aren't the only athletes getting their groove on in the downtime. Apparently the Olympic Village is facing an epic condom shortage (who knew that free condoms were even a perk at the Olympics??) after handing out 100,000 of the little foil-wrapped souvenirs, about 14 for each of the 7,000 people housed in the village.

A Uniform Question: Reader Laura asks, "Why do the female skiers wear skintight uniforms (Charlotte's note: a star spangled Under Armor unitard thingy) while the female snowboarders wear baggy faux-jeans and a plaid coat? Is it just about the 'tude?" Good question, Laura. It can't just be about performance because presumably snowboarders need to go fast too.

What has caught your attention about this year's winter Olympics in Vancouver, Canada? Anyone have a good answer for Laura? I sure don't - I've tried snowboarding exactly twice and cursed so much the snow melted in my path.

Fitness for Newbies: Everyone Has to Start Somewhere

"We're having a moment! I feel it, don't you??" "I sure feel something!"

There comes a moment in every young person's life where a change begins to stir inside them and they come to a crossroads where the choices they make will impact the rest of their lives. No, I'm not talking about the Moment that comes accompanied by free samples of Tampax and Teen Spirit. (True story: My health teacher gave us a comic book that was supposed to explain all the mysteries of femininity. Menstruation is weird enough on its own much less rendered in cartoon detail. I still remember the "flow" in that book being much closer to a lava flow than the unglamorous reality that is my uterine lining. How bummed was I when it turned out my monthly didn't defy gravity after all!) The moment I'm talking about today is the Moment when you decide whether or not you're athletic. In the black-and-white world that is kid-dom, either you are or you aren't and you must dress and act accordingly.

I wasn't. Boy howdy, was I not an athlete! (And yes, I was a gymanst for years but let's remember that although I loved it with every fiber of my geeky being, I, well, I sucked at it.) For many people, this decision becomes final. It simply is who they are and by adulthood they aren't going to change it. But there are those of us who decide that this must change and embark on a fitness quest. No matter when this Moment comes to you, be it in your childhood or later in life, it is significant.

It was the Karate gym for a 13-year-old Jillian Michaels. It was watching a Mr. Universe pageant for Arnold Schwarzenegger (who, incidentally, grew up in a cottage without a refrigerator or even indoor plumbing so don't ask me how he saw this pageant.) For me it was sitting on the toilet one day after my second son was born and being appalled at how my thighs hung over the sides of the seat. Glamorous, I know.

While I've talked a lot about the reasons I got into fitness and became the lovable nut I am today (short story: I am mentally ill), I've never really talked about how exactly I started working out. Reader Kristen reminded me of this:

You post a lot of great tips for fellow fitness gurus, but I was wondering if you could dedicate a post or two to the very beginner, suggestions for how to put down the TV remote and pick up the jump rope, how to find such a great fitness community when all of your current friends guzzle mountain dew as a hobby, or some suggestions for lighter workouts for the newbie. Maybe you have a story or two about how you first became a fit-addict?

How I Went From Toilet Seat to Ten K:

The day of the horrific toilet episode (wow, that came out sounding way worse than I intended - google's gonna love this!), I resolved to get myself back. Up to that point I'd been dealing with my weight by dieting and disordered eating - cautionary tale, that's me! - but now that I had kids I wanted to do it the right way and I knew that meant exercise. So I started in the simplest way possible: I laid out my one pair of athletic shoes (a pair of trail runners I had bought 5 years earlier solely because they were on sale and I thought I would look cute in a granola-girl kind of way - I lived in Seattle, crunchy-chic was still cool there!) by the door. The next morning, after I finished the 5 a.m. nursing, I put on the shoes and went outside. I didn't own any workout clothes - not even a sports bra - so I wore my pajama pants, my husband's tee and an ill-fitting underwire. My goal was the hill next to our house. And me being me, I had to run it. I'm embarrassed to admit it nearly killed me and I was immensely grateful that it was still early enough that none of my neighbors witnessed my humiliation.

The next morning I did it again. And then again. Each day I tried to add on a little bit. I didn't use a couch-to-5K program or a heart rate monitor or anything else - although those probably would have helped. I just did it. And I did it every day. After several months I could not only run the hill with ease but I could do a couple of miles. And while I enjoyed the quiet time away from my colicky infant and the beautiful views outside (and my pants fitting better!), I'm not going to lie to you: It was hard. It was hard to stay motivated. It was hard to run by myself. Even though I had finally bought a sports bra, a pair of running shorts and an arm band radio (yes, I am that old), I'm a social girl at heart and running wasn't enough for me anymore. I knew if I didn't change things then I was going to lose my workout mojo.

So I joined a gym. Things snowballed from there as I met loads of kind people who shared their fitness knowledge (and books!) with me. (Hi L!!) I got into weight lifting. I took cardio classes. And the best part was the more involved I got in these activities, the more like-minded people I met. The more people I met, the more fitness-y things I learned. It became so ingrained in my life that when my husband lost his job and we had to move across the country, the very first thing I did when we got to Minnesota was find a gym and sign up. (Yeah, I did that even before he got a job. Sometimes stupid and hopeful are two sides of the same coin.)

These days there are many factors that keep me exercising but at the beginning it was just a girl and a hill. All of which is to say, Kristen, just start. It doesn't matter if you don't do it "right" or if you don't have equipment or even if you don't have a friend - just start moving and the rest will come. Don't wait until the perfect moment because it will never come. Pick something you don't hate - tennis, swimming, rock climbing, biking, dancing, whatever - and just do it. A lot.

Holy crap I'm a Nike ad and an '80's motivational poster all rolled in to one.

Almost every athletic person I know has a toilet-seat story (usually not involving toilets but I'll forgive them). Very very few of us come by exercise naturally, springing forth - literally! - from our mother's loins full of fitness fervor. For every Michael Phelps, there are a hundred girls in bad shoes and a really bad bra busting their butts running up a hill. My favorite line from Kristen's e-mail is this: "I think I'm a fitness freak waiting to happen." You are girl, you are! Join us?

What's your fitness Moment? How did you first start out exercising? What advice do you have for Kristen? Anyone else get a menstruation comic book??

Curing Cancer With Your Bra

In the illustrious history of Rick rolling, surprise kitty and, my personal favorite, the send-this-to-everyone-you-know-and-Microsoft-will-send-you-a-check-for-a-million-dollars e-mail, a new Internet meme has emerged and it is good. If by "good" you mean "hilarious" - which I always do.

If you were on Facebook this weekend and are a girl, you probably got an e-mail akin to this one:

Something fun is going on! Just write the color of your bra in your status. Just the colour, nothing else. Send this message on to ONLY girls --no men. It will be neat to see if this will spread the wings of cancer awareness. It will be fun to see how long it takes before the men will wonder why all the girls have a color in their status.

If you were on Facebook this weekend and are a non-stupid man, you probably got a good snicker... until you read that your mom's status update was "black lace with red satin choker."

Upon receiving this e-mail* I immediately saw my girlfriend's statuses lighting up like rainbows and, like the creative girls my friends are, were rarely limited to "just the colour, nothing else." My friends described their undergarments in such fascinating detail that I felt like we had taken our relationship to a whole new level - the Girl's Gone Wild one.

Wanting to be in on all the fun, my fingers hovered over my keyboard ready to chime in when two thoughts occurred simultaneously: 1) Nursing bras are boring and 2) This might be the best frat-boy prank ever.

You know me - I am not shy about talking about my bra when the context warrants it - but something about this particular meme smacked of the adolescent days when boys snapped bra straps and girl's bras were considered the most magical pieces of cloth invented - even surpassing the Borat thong with their powers. Did you tell a boy the color of your bra just because he asked? Of course not. That ruined the mystique.

But boys have grown up and this time they added the "cancer awareness" tag to the tired come-on. Call me the Facebook Grinch (do I get a t-shirt?) but I don't see how this helps cancer patients or research at all. Is there anyone, male or female, who is not aware of breast cancer? Bras may be magical but I'm pretty sure they haven't invented one yet that cures cancer. (Side note: breast cancer is not the #1 killer of women. Heart disease is. It's not even the #1 cancer of women. That honor goes to the unsexy lung cancer.) When I expressed my grinch-i-tude on Facebook, one friend (whom I love even more knowing that she wears a purple polka-dot bra on a bleak Friday in January) said, "If it gets one woman to do a breast self-exam then it is worth it." She has a point. But I ask you, did any of you give yourselves a firm pat down upon reading a friend's bra color? I sure didn't. And also, as Gym Buddy Krista pointed out, "The e-mail doesn't say breast cancer. How come no one is asking the men to post their boxer colors in support of testicular cancer?"

It was this disingenuity that bothered me about the bra-color meme. If my girls want to post their bra color (or underwear color or tupperware color or booger color) because it makes them happy then by all means go for it! But call it what it is: coy titillation. It feels like trickery and disrespect to tell women to bare their undies as a way to help "spread the wings of cancer awareness." How does "raising awareness" without raising money help anyone?

Because these things never go quietly into the dark (Internet) night, this morning I received a follow-up:

Since some woman spilled the beans, we created a new one to keep men guessing :):) Here is the game. this will get the guys thinking....To' see if they've got dirty minds or not!! It's not at all rude. lol. This is about how you are wearing your hair right now. up- write ON TOP, down- write SIDE BY SIDE, messy- write EVERYWHERE AND MESSY! see if they get this one! remember tho ONLY SEND TO WOMEN. This is also for Cancer as we know how many lose their hair fighting :(:(

This new meme ups the ante by more explicitly referencing sex and adding not only the generic cancer admonition but also a "lost hair" addendum to tug on your emotions. Thankfully none of my girlfriends have fallen for this one.

So let me have it: Do I just have no sense of humor? Am I missing the point? Did you post your bra color? What do you think of campaigns that "raise awareness" and nothing else?

* I want to emphatically state that I LOVE all my facebook girlfriends and do not think any less of those that sent on this e-mail or posted their bra color. I don't want anyone to feel bad for sending this to me. My issue is with whomever started this ridiculousness of "raising awareness".

A Users Guide to Your Skin in the Gym

Sweat. Expended energy. Stress relief. Weight loss. Heart health. Friend time. Or alone time. An excuse to wear the ridiculously cute new workout duds from Nike Dance Line. I mean, really, what's not to love about working out?

Well, there is one part of you that doesn't appreciate your dedication to exercise - and I'm not talking about your butt after an hour of Spin class. I'll give you a hint: it's the largest organ in your body. (Bonus are-you-smarter-than-a-fifth-grader question: What is the closest star to earth*?)

Your Skin in the Gym
Not only is your skin great for showing off those new muscles you're building but more importantly your epidermis is there to protect you from all the germies waiting to get you. So what do we do to it? We lay it on ancient bodily fluid filled mats. We recline in puddles of stranger sweat on the weight bench. We use public restrooms. We bite our nails while using the elliptical. We hold dumb bells that 3 generations of gym goers have sneezed on. We even scrape it on Gym Buddy Allison's nails when she blocks us from making a basket whilst playing horse. (What, you too??) Frankly, you'd think we'd treat it better.

For all the abuse we subject it to, most of them time it still manages to serve and defend - and if we're really lucky get a nice glow. Until it doesn't.

I've Got Sweat in Strange Places
I got an interesting reader mail the other day. Reader L writes, "I have an exercise problem. I hate working out because every time I sweat it runs down my back and gives me seriously bad bacne. (That would be acne on the back for those of you not linguistically hip and/or not avid fans of ProActiv infomercials.) It turns into a vicious cycle because I don't want people to see my bacne so I cover up more. Which makes me sweat more. Please tell me I'm not alone! What do I do?"

Before L brought the subject up, the extent of the Gym Buddies and my conversations about sweaty skin issues was limited to making up silly and slightly perverted names for the weird sweat marks we get working out. Gym Buddy Jen came up with "swack" for sweaty crack and Turbo Jennie coined "swoobs" for boob sweat. I'll leave the rest up to your imagination as this is a family friendly site. I'll just leave you with this: there's a reason nobody should ever work out in tight gray pants or shorts. If that's all you ever learn from me, my work here is done.

Now, while I don't get bacne, I do have a cyst on my back that at its largest was the size of a golf ball. That is if the golf ball was red and painful and filled with a "cheese-like substance" and shoved tortuously under my skin. The doctor said that it could easily have been caused by a sweat duct that got clogged and infected. Thankfully the second doctor I saw (not the one who so vividly described the cyst's innards by the way) gave me antibiotics and now it just looks - like I explained a few days ago - like an overly aggressive hickey. Or maybe a rabies shot. I'm sorry to say that I never did get a picture of it in its inflamed glory so you'll just have to trust me that it was really really disgusting.

Anyhow, I wasn't sure what to tell L. I gave her some lame response involving the brilliant "shower right after you work out?" and the obvious "make sure you wear wicking clothes" to the spendy "buy one of those sports bra with the mesh back." Surely you all can do better than that!

Invasion of the Super Bugs
Bacne and cysts are tame compared to what else lurks in your gym. A girl I go to boot camp with got impetigo on her face from resting her cheek on a yoga mat. Lice has been found in improperly laundered gym towels. Athlete's foot has been around as long as there have been athletes. The bacteria that cause yeast infections has popped up on spin cycle seats (for the love of little green apples people, wear underwear!). But the scariest bug of all is CA-MRSA.

Community acquired multiple resistant Staphylococcus Aureus is the long way of saying "an infection that has no known cure." Once found only in hospitals, this antibiotic-impervius germ has started cropping up in public spots, most notably gyms, where it can be quite contagious. My family has had a couple of close brushes with this bad guy and both times the victims ended up in the hospital. Even once the victim has gotten over the infection, the process of sterilizing the home is quite the production. It involves a special anti-bacterial body wash that all members of the family must use for weeks in addition to top-to-bottom cleaning and even swabbing the nostrils with antibiotic ointment.

My brother got the infection in his face. It started out as what he thought was a zit and then quickly became infected and spread over his face. The excruciating pain sent him to the emergency room where they tried one antibiotic after another to no avail. At last, when he was looking at last resort surgery, something worked. An antibiotic or his body's natural defenses finally started overcoming the infection and today, thankfully, he is all clear.

What To Do
Basic rules of good hygiene apply here, whether we're talking acne, psoriasis or CA-MRSA:
- Try to shower as soon as you can after working out.
- Change out of your gym clothing as soon as you can.
- Launder all clothing and towels appropriately.
- Wash your hands frequently and/or use hand sanitizer at the gym (don't worry about looking nutso - there are lots of ways to look crazy and looking OCD is the least of your worries, really.)
- See a doctor immediately if you get any weird rashes or bumps start to look infected.
- Sanitize all equipment that you use and/or lay down a towel to provide an extra barrier.
- Protect any open cuts with band-aids.

That covers most of the common sense stuff, so I'll add the stuff that I know you're secretly asking:
- Don't exercise nude. I don't care if everyone else is doing it.
- Don't eat and workout at the same time. A swig of protein shake from your sports bottle is okay. Using a weight bench as your picnic table is not.
- Don't pop your zits in the mirrors on the weight floor.
- Don't suck your thumb.
- Don't sniff your fingers after sticking them in your bellybutton. I know it smells funky. But, seriously, that's gross.

There you have it! So, I know some of you have got some better advice for Reader L. Any of you suffer from bacne? Have some good tricks for avoiding or getting rid of it? Anyone else get a weird skin condition from the gym? Lastly, anyone else have a funny word to describe their sweat in inappropriate places??

*Bonus question answer: The sun!

This post look familiar? Every Friday (yeah, I changed it) is Greatest Hits Day here at GFE. This post originally ran January 2009.

How to Drink More Water

Drink more water. Every health professional out there from Dr. Oz to Saharan camels advocates this. In fact, it may be the one thing they all agree on. (Well that and spitting is fun.) Which is why when coming up with my three "healthy additions" this week, it was one of the first things I put on my list. About 70% of our body weight is water - unless you are P.M.S.ing and then, as every woman knows, it goes up to like 110% - so obviously water is great for us. Which is why you'd think it wouldn't be hard to remember to drink the stuff.

Confession: I have always admired people with clear urine. (Don't ask me how I know the color of their urine - people just tell me things! That, and a I pay attention to what's circling the drain from the shower stall next to me at the gym.) Sadly, this is how it usually goes down for me:

[A toilet sits center stage under a lone spot light. A girl enters stage left and sits on it. After several minutes of giggling over the naughty unintentional pun in the daily crossword puzzle she arises and turns back to examine the contents of the bowl. (What? Like you don't look!)]

Girl: [A scream echoes throughout the theater] What is THAT?! Am I DYING?? What do you even CALL that COLOR?

Man, offstage: Relax honey, we had beets for dinner. Remember?

Girl: That was two days ago! Besides, it isn't magenta anymore so don't worry, I no longer think I'm internally hemorrhaging. (True story.)

Man: What color is it now?

Girl: Um... puce?

Man: Ew! Drink more water!

[End Scene.]

Let's just say that I had great pity for the lab techs that had to examine all my pee samples when I was pregnant. I am not good about remembering to drink water. You'd think my body would get thirsty and remind me but even in the midst of the sweatiest, longest workouts ever I rarely drink more than a few ounces. Part of it is not wanting to wet myself during air jacks but most of it is just plain forgetting. And this is not good. One's pee should not be the consistency of Jell-O.

In an effort to remedy this medical mishap in the making, I have tried many things to remind me to drink up. I've bought supercute water bottles with fancy ice cores and attached carabiners so that I can hook them to my keys and tote them everywhere. An idea which sounded good in theory but in practice meant that I had to buy a bigger purse to accommodate my now ginormous keyring and I refuse to carry a purse that I can't shove in my diaper bag. So that was the end of that. Next I tried a rubber band around my wrist as a visual cue. But that failed on account of how often I used said band as a hair tie. Finally I tried just leaving bottles of water in random places hoping they would catch my eye but thanks to my kids backwashing in all of them, it just made me afraid to drink anything I hadn't personally poured myself in the last 5 minutes - restaurants included.

And then I came across Owater. They sent me a sample to try out after I blogged about fitness drinks. Normally I am verrrryyyy picky when it comes to beverages. First off, I don't like to drink my calories. I'm also averse to artificial sweeteners. And colors. And flavors. So that pretty much rules out every drink on the market. What is calorie free, sweetener free and color free? Plain water, that's what. So I was all set to hate their stuff. But then I tried this:

It's flavored water! But with no artificial anythings! And no calories! And no cloying sweetness! Just water with a hint of fruit. I loved it. In fact, I had to start rationing my bottles so I would have something to look forward to the next day. Although I may have lost a few as I had to hide them because my kids loved them as much as I did and I was certainly not sharing these fancy waters with kids. They drink bath water and like it, is what I'm saying.

So the Owater was a tasty start but one cannot expect to dine on lobster every day so I still need to find other ways to drink more water. What do you do to remind yourself to drink water? How do you take your water - straight up tap or something fancier? And - just out of curiousity - what color is your pee? Anyone else ever eaten beets and then panicked the next time they went potty, thinking they were dying? Anyone??

PS> For those of you following along with January's Great Fitness Experiment and didn't make it into one of the 30 spots for personal coaching, Trainer Lindsey has come up with a great (free!) workout for everyone! Happy sweating!