Sometimes I wonder if my relatively easy childhood (it was a lot like the Brady Bunch without the blended family, the laugh track or the problems resolved in a 22-minute predictable format) made me soft and immature in some ways. Scratch that, I don't really wonder.
Years ago I was in a struggling marriage with a new baby, and I had interrupted a promising new career in corporate finance to finish college full time. That gave me time with the baby and time to study but no time with my wife. I felt the marriage splitting in two and since she was basically supporting me, I was paralyzed with fear about how I was going to move forward. A voice in my head said "seek adversity". It was completely counter to what my logical mind was telling me, but somewhere deep inside I knew that the situation I was in was somehow subordinate to the bigger issue that I just plain had some growing up to do. And it was time to get to it.
I moved out and into a crappy apartment and lived on a $10k line of credit until the money ran out and I had to extend school another semester before I could graduate. My old boss, whose mother was dying in the hospital at the time, brought me basic household items he knew she'd never use again and that I was too poor to be able to afford. Another former boss offered me part-time consulting work that was flexible around my classes. Somehow it all worked out. We got back together after a year and made it another two before splitting for good. We remain good friends (I've posted about her here before) and I feel blessed to have her in my life and as the mother of my son.
But the point I'm trying to make here is that sometimes you have no idea what the path in front of you holds, and as frightening as that may be, it may be exactly what you need at the time. I look back at that time, and the time immediately after we split for good when I was a divorcing dad, as two of the most important growth periods in my life. I like to think of those as formative adult years for myself.
Years ago I was in a struggling marriage with a new baby, and I had interrupted a promising new career in corporate finance to finish college full time. That gave me time with the baby and time to study but no time with my wife. I felt the marriage splitting in two and since she was basically supporting me, I was paralyzed with fear about how I was going to move forward. A voice in my head said "seek adversity". It was completely counter to what my logical mind was telling me, but somewhere deep inside I knew that the situation I was in was somehow subordinate to the bigger issue that I just plain had some growing up to do. And it was time to get to it.
I moved out and into a crappy apartment and lived on a $10k line of credit until the money ran out and I had to extend school another semester before I could graduate. My old boss, whose mother was dying in the hospital at the time, brought me basic household items he knew she'd never use again and that I was too poor to be able to afford. Another former boss offered me part-time consulting work that was flexible around my classes. Somehow it all worked out. We got back together after a year and made it another two before splitting for good. We remain good friends (I've posted about her here before) and I feel blessed to have her in my life and as the mother of my son.
But the point I'm trying to make here is that sometimes you have no idea what the path in front of you holds, and as frightening as that may be, it may be exactly what you need at the time. I look back at that time, and the time immediately after we split for good when I was a divorcing dad, as two of the most important growth periods in my life. I like to think of those as formative adult years for myself.
Every day I watch my clients deal with the realities of work and family demands while trying to stay healthy by changing their eating and exercise habits. And I'll tell you one thing - it takes courage to do that. Committing to an unfamiliar and often intimidating effort like that comes from a foundation of bravery and self-respect.
Those are not attributes one just gets - they must be earned. I was reminded of that recently. There's no shortcut to developing stronger character, and no easy road to deep, fundamental change.
I'm working on it. Baby steps.
How about you?
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