What Running (And Failing At) A Race Taught Me

Pre-race, post-potty - the high point of my day.

The End: Shaking, incoherent, sobbing, vomiting and laying under all my blankets still in my sweat-soaked racing clothes: This was how my kids found mommy yesterday.

The Beginning: "Sure, give me some of your pills!" Famous. Last. Words.

That pretty much sums it up. But if you want all the gory details of my Worst Race Ever (swiftly followed by Very Important Life Lesson), read on:

The day dawned bright and beautiful and cold. Gym Buddies Allison, Megan and I met up all kitted out in our glittery skirts and painted hair. The drive in was easy, we quickly found a parking spot, we were plenty early for several potty breaks and I even got to meet Reader Jen at the starting line (which got awkward when Allison asked her if she wanted me to sign her bra. Jen replied, "Do people really ask you that?!" And I was like, "Um, NO. Just Allison!" I'm sorry Jen!). But even with everything going so swimmingly, I was still really anxious. Have to do my best, remember?

Allison and I after getting all prettied up.

It was my last long training run that did me in. My "fun" goal for the race was 1:30 for the ten miles - an easy 9 minute pace*. I knew I could do that. But then I had an awesome run outside. And then an even better one inside. I'd consistently paced at 8:40/mile. I didn't want to tell anyone for fear of jinxing myself but if I could shave that down to 8:30/mile that would be a personal record (PR) for me for this distance. Sure I'd have to run a hard race but I could do it! If I just had a little edge... Just, you know, something to give me a tiny push... Something like... a pill?

Seduced by the allure of a PR, I convinced one of the Gym Buddies who is into that sort of thing to give me a couple of caffeine pills. It's just caffeine, I reasoned. Sure I'm caffeine sensitive but it wasn't that much and my Gym Buddy uses them all the time and has had great results with them. I mean it's not like it was crack, right?

Might as well have been crack. Actually, crack would have been preferable.

I knew something was wrong about 20 minutes after I swallowed them. A strange fog came over my mind, my heart started pounding and I began to shake uncontrollably. Nausea rolled over me in waves. "Don't worry, you'll feel better once you start running," my friends reassured me. And for a few minutes I did. Then I realized something strange; I could no longer feel my limbs. You'd think this would be a bonus for an endurance race - hey, I'm flying! - but when I say I couldn't feel my limbs I mean I couldn't feel my body. It was the strangest feeling and not at all pleasant. I realized the downside to this when I tripped over a stick and caught it between my legs - it took me 10 feet to figure out why my legs weren't propelling me forward anymore. I also managed to tear off half my fingernail (Where? On what? Who knows??) and get a bruise on my thigh the size of a fist.

You remember the children's story The Red Shoes - little orphaned girl covets red dancing shoes, girl gets shoes and loves them more than anything else, the shoes become possessed and bind to her feet forcing her to dance until at last she convinces someone to chop off her feet. And then she dies! Charming little tale: deadly sin, demonic possession, punishment that way overshadows the crime - sure don't make fairytales like they used to! Well, I was now the girl in the red shoes. My legs only had one speed: sprint. So I ran the first three or four miles at a crazy pace and then it hit me. No, not another stick. The nausea that had been building now punched me in the stomach and I immediately knew I shouldn't have blogged about runners who poop their pants because I was pretty sure I was about to join their ranks. I stopped just long enough to blow chunks. Thankfully they came out of my mouth. (I never thought I'd be so grateful for barf!)

I have never, ever vomited during a race. Wanted to, yes. Done it, no. I walked a few paces and then my stupid possessed legs took off again. This became my strategy for the last 6 miles: sprint until I was 99% sure I was going to puke again and then walk. Sprint, heave, walk. Repeat. I'm pretty sure this particular strategy isn't covered in any of the major running manuals. Can't say I recommend it either. By mile 8 I just wanted to die. If I'd known the neighborhood at all, I would have ducked out of the race but I knew I had to make it to the finish line to find my friends and my ride home. So I continued to run the most schizophrenic race ever, alternately confusing and horrifying fellow runners and bystanders alike. Hey kids, don't do drugs!

The finish line is supposed to be a glorious moment where you sprint with your arms held high in the ecstasy of victory. I dragged over it after having walked most of the final mile, my possessed leg muscles twitching in protest. To be honest I don't remember much after that. I hugged Gym Buddy Dennis. Some man I didn't know gave me a picnic blanket to put over the two sweatshirts I was already wearing over my running clothes and I still couldn't stop shaking. I ate one bite of a salted nut roll only to throw it back up in my mouth. My legs were weak, I wanted to cry and my heart was beating so funny I was sure I'd just self-medicated myself into a heart attack. I kept a brave face on until I got home (at least I think I did, my friends would have to tell you how convincing I was) hoping that my husband would be home. He wasn't.

I burst into hysterical sobs, threw up again and eventually managed to drag myself into bed which is where my kids found me sometime later crying and hyperventilating. By the time my husband got up there I begged him to take me to the E.R. I was that sure I was dying. Instead he changed me into dry clothes, gave me a few sips of Sprite and put me back in bed where I spent the rest of the day. I couldn't eat a thing until this morning. Between sweat, tears and vomit I lost 3.5 pounds in 24 hours so while I missed my running best, I think I set a new PR in bodily fluid spewage.

To say I was bitterly disappointed in myself would be a massive understatement. I spent last night trying to decide which spot this event would take in my Top 10 List of Things I Most Regret. (Top 5, probably.) I spent most of this morning wishing for a do-over and calling myself every iteration of idiot I could muster. After avoiding it all day, I finally broke down and looked at my time on the race site. It wasn't great (1:37 - 9:40/mile) but you know what? It wasn't terrible. I finished. I cannot believe I finished at all. As far as mental toughness goes, this was by far the toughest race I have ever run. And yet I still did it.

Then I did something even better: I looked up the times for all of my friends that ran it. Since I'd puked up any last vestiges of pride and competitiveness, I was able to look at their times and just see their accomplishment. And it was a beautiful thing! I was so proud of them I started crying all over again but happy tears this time. Every person had to run their own race yesterday and they all did. Every single one finished. Megan got a PR in the half-marathon. Allison ran her first 10-miler and looked adorable doing it. Kandi & Ben finished within 1 second of each other (the couple that runs together, stays together!). Jeni ran her first 10-miler and hit her goal while her two young daughters cheered their hearts out for her. Other Megan #1 ran her first-ever half marathon and Other Megan #2 paced her step-for-step; they crossed together. Tom shaved 30 minutes off his last half time. Candice finished her first half marathon. Melissa and Julie and Greg and Other Megan #3 (seriously, we have that many Megans at the Y) and Jen and Other Allison all ran great runs.

In that moment I realized that if I can be proud of all of them - and I SO am! - then I can be proud of myself too. I may not be proud of what I did but I am proud of myself for finishing. And that is, after all, good enough.

What is your worst race story? Anyone else ever take a shortcut to help them only to have it massively backfire? What moment do you wish you could do over?

*I don't normally use actual numbers when I post because I know numbers are very triggering for some people and for the rest of us, well, comparisons are odious. My fast is your slow, my slow is your fast... whatever. But writing this out without the numbers ended up needing more calculus than I remember. My apologies if this made you nuts.

Post-race with our finisher's medals! Boy howdy did I earn this one.

Does Caffeine Help or Hinder Weight Loss?

Photo Credit: Fail Blog

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that diet pills don't work. If they did, we'd all look like Carmen Electra and spend our nights partying away with the Zantrex dancers. (Not to be confused with the Valtrex dancers - that kind of party is a straight shot to the Jerry Springer Show.) And yet they sell. So who's buying? We are, apparently.

I hate the diet pill ads and yet I'm mesmerized by them. The first time through a mag, I read it for the articles but the second time - I'm all about the advertising and I admit, these hold my attention long enough to get hemorrhoids. What is so compelling about them? The lure of quick, easy weight loss. The obvious and marked change in the before-and-after shots. The (fake, probably) testimonials. The stupid doctor. And yet, it's our modern day fairy tale. These Cinderellas went from rags to riches - beauty is the new money, honey - all with one little magic pill. That's even easier than a glass slipper! Cheaper too.

I remember one day in GNC staring at the pretty displays of diet pills when a salesman sidled up to me, "Would you pay $80 a month to be thin the rest of your life?" Honestly? I absolutely would. In fact, most people would probably pay much more than that - it's become that important to us. The trick, of course, is if they actually work. When I pointed out to him that they are just glorified caffeine pills, he huffed, "everybody knows that caffeine is the best legal weight loss supplement." I suppose he was deferring to cocaine on principle.

But is it?

Judging by the sheer number of photos of celebrities carrying coffee cups, it seems like there must be some truth to it. After all, when was the last time you saw an Olsen twin (or Lindsey or Britney) photographed without a Starbucks cup molded into her twee little hand? And caffeine in some form or another is the number one ingredient in almost every single weight-loss supplement on the market, often in heart-fibrillatingly massive doses. Even Biggest Loser trainer Jillian Michaels recommends a caffeine/white willow bark/aspirin cocktail in her book Making the Cut. Hollywood's opinion is clear.

What the Research Says
There are many studies that show that caffeine does increase metabolism by upping your heart rate causing a thermogenic effect (as is often touted in screaming letters on diet pill packaging) and increased calorie burn. Research has also indicated that it is a mild appetite suppressant. In addition, it has also been found that a dose of caffeine before your workout can help you work up to 30% harder without upping your rate of perceived exertion thereby allowing you to burn more calories.

The problem is that none of these effects have translated into weight loss. The Mayo Clinic debunks the first two points by saying that while caffeine does suppress the appetite and up metabolism, it doesn't do it to a significant degree and the effects don't last long enough to make a difference in a person's weight. Although they add the caveat that caffeine will produce a temporary decrease in weight due to its diuretic properties.

As for the last point regarding your workout, this is a documented effect. But here's the kicker: it only works if your body is not already used to caffeine. If you never have the stuff and then slam an energy drink before a big race it can definitely increase your performance. In fact, I know many a runner who swears by this. (Be careful if you try this one out though as caffeine often has the added bonus of loosening one's bowels.) But the effect is lost if your body is already acclimated to that level of caffeine. In addition, the extra work exerted during your race causes increased hunger afterward. So while you may reap some performance gains, they probably won't translate to weight loss.

But not only does caffeine use not correlate with weight loss, it is actually linked to weight gain. Donna Sundblad of the Love To Know blog writes:

Caffeine affects cravings for food because it raises the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol raises heart rate, blood pressure and tells your body to increase its energy stores. This results in the body craving sweets. So if you're wondering why you snacked on cookies in the afternoon, it could have something to do with that coffee you drank with breakfast.

In addition to increasing cravings for sweets, raised cortisol levels have been linked to increased storage of abdominal fat, a lower immune system and higher blood pressure among other things. Caffeine has also been linked to increased insulin resistance, the scary precursor to diabetes, not to mention the lesser side effects of jitteriness, anxiety, heart palpitations and fragmented thinking.

Conclusions
Not everyone reacts to caffeine the same way. Even amongst the Gym Buddies, there are large discrepencies. I am super sensitive to caffeine and feel like I'm having a heart attack, a panic attack and diarrhea all at once but Gym Buddy Allison loves her caffeine pills to help her power through her workouts. Gym Buddy Krista seems to have built her tolerance up so high with Mountain Dew that even when she took 3 of Allison's pills, it didn't faze her a bit. It all depends on your level of sensitivity to caffeine, what dose you take and how often, and for what purpose you are taking it. If you just like your cup of joe in the morning or use it as your secret weapon in that sprint triathlon you are competing in, then more power to you. Just don't count on it to help you lose weight. And, also, don't count on the GNC salespeople to know anything.

What are your experiences with caffeine? Hate the stuff? Can't live without it? And what's your preferred form of delivery?

5 Products I Swear By....

1. BOOMI BARS (Almond Protein Plus or Cashew Protein Plus)- it's no secret that the majority of protein bars out there are garbage- pure candy in hiding. And in fact, even if the macro counts are on par and the sugars low, 9 chances out of 10 they're loaded with sucralose or other Frankenfood sugars including partially hydrogenated oil, corn syrup, etc etc. BOOMI BARS are gluten free, hand rolled, and include three ingredients- honey, almonds, whey protein isolate. PERIOD. They are the purest bar I've found with whole natural low glycemic ingredients your body can recognize and metabolize.

2. CELCIUS ENERGY DRINKS- We all need a little energy boost- ALL of us. Celcius Energy Drinks provide the best boost out there- and because their proprietary blend includes EGCG, Ginger, Calcium, Chromium, AND vitamins, it's a huge fat burning boost as well. The drink optimizes metabolic activity, tastes delicious and is actually backed by solid scientific studies! They're sugar free, sodium free, sucralose free, aspartame free, and high fructose corn syrup free! I drink one a day, pre workout for an extra push, especially when I'm dieting!

3.JAY ROBB WHEY PROTEIN- This is the BEST (emphasize BEST) tasting protein powder I've ever tried, not to mention it's not loaded with hidden junk or chemicals. It is derived from grass fed cows NOT fed bovine growth hormone, has no fat, no cholesterol, no sugar, no aspartame, no sucralose or other artificial sweeteners, is made with stevia, and is msg and gluten free! Not to mention it tastes PHENOMENAL and blends well!!!

4.Steaz Zero Calorie Sparkling Green Tea- I love carbonated beverages and in the past have been quite the diet soda junkie (not a very good habit to get into). I discovered Steaz Zero Calorie Sparkling Green Tea in the organic food section of my local Giant and fell in love. Although a bit on the pricy end, this stuff is well worth it. Not only does it satisfy my need for a carbonated beverage, but it's made with stevia so there's no aspartame or sucralose. With flavors like Black Cherry, Blueberry Pomegranate, Orange, and Raspberry- it's DELICIOUS! And it won't kill your waistline!

5.Fit n Fresh Containers- Food prep is KEY to success on a nutritional plan. Period. I can never emphasize this enough to my clients. Yet standard containers can be messy and a pain, and it can become a hassle when you're constantly toting large coolers everywhere. FIT N FRESH makes fun containers with pre- measured compartments and custom ice packs that come included with each container! Breakfast, snack, dinner, sandwich, and salad containers are all manufactured BPA free by Fit n Fresh! They also make a wonderful filtered water bottle, chilled shakers, portable drink mixers for protein shakes, and a hoard of healthy food prep products including a food scale and smart portion prep center! I LOVE their products!

Supplement THIS!

Time and time again I get asked "what supplements do you use?" As competitors, we are constantly looking for an edge, and looking for ways to enhance our bodies through outside sources. Even if you're NOT a competitor, if you weight train and exercise consistently, chances are, you have an interest in supplements as well. Although I do my best to get the most of what I need through whole, natural food sources, I too, am in possession of a "full to the brim" cabinet full of supplement fun.

What I supplement with will change throughout the year, depending on where I am in my contest prep, as well as what my physique goals are. For instance, if my goal is fat loss, my supplement intake will be different then if my goal was to gain lean muscle mass. The following supplements are 11 (yes I couldn't narrow it to just 10) of my favorite, which I use on and off throughout the year depending on my goals. I am partial to specific brands, as you'll see in my listing, but if I had to settle down with 11 supplements for the rest of my life, the following would be my choices!

1. JAY ROBB VANILLA WHEY PROTEIN POWDER- this is the only protein powder I use anymore. Jay Robb Whey Protein powder is a delicious whey isolate that is free from aritifical sweeteners, synthetic hormones, and other chemicals. One scoop holds 110 calories, zero sugar, zero fat, and 25 grams of protein. It has no sugar, no cholesterol, no aspartame, no sucralose, no artificial sweeteners, no casein, no gluten, and no msg. To top it off it's sweetened with Stevia AND the cows the whey is derived from are rBGH FREE (meaning they are grass fed cows that are steroid FREE- not treated with bovine growth hormone!) CLICK TO BUY
2. JAYBAR PEANUT BUTTER BARS- I use these bars when I'm not dieting for a quick and easy meal replacement. These are pretty much the only protein bars I eat, for the same reasons I use the Jay Robb Protein Powder. The bars are REAL bars, not candy in disguise. They are made with organic ingredients and formulated without corn syrup, sugar, casein, artificial sweeteners, malitol, evaporated cane juice, sucralose, or aspartame. Each bar has 240 calories, 15g of protein, 11g of fat, 5g fiber, 6g sugar (from low glycemic organic agave syrup), and 12g carbs. CLICK TO BUY
3. MRM CLA 1250- Conjugated Linoleic Acid (CLA) is a naturally occuring free fatty acid found mainly in dairy and meat- in trace amounts. CLA has been proven to build muscle while reducing bodyfat. Several studies back this claim, and I use CLA in my supplement routine both pre contest, and when I'm not dieting. I happen to like MRM's brand of softgel CLA the best: CLICK TO BUY
4. NOW LIQUID L-CARNITINE TRIPLE STRENGTH- Liquid L Carnitine stimulates the breakdown of fats. L-carnitine transfers long-chain fatty acids, such as triglycerides into mitochondria (a cell's energy powerhouse), where they may be oxidized to produce energy. L-carnitine promotes growth and development, and it is also used for fat-burning, increasing energy, and improving resistance to muscle fatigue.It helps to build muscle and it is also great in dieting, as it reduces feelings of hunger and weakness... I use this supplement year round as well. CLICK TO BUY
5. TWINLAB YOHIMBE FUEL- Although Yohimbe is most commonly thought of to support a healthy libido, it also has been shown to be useful in increasing fatty acid mobilization by decreasing fat synthesis.....and (here's the main reason I use it) ESPECIALLY from fat stores in women's hips and glutes! Twinlab Yohimbe Fuel is the best product I've tried: CLICK TO BUY
6. DYMATIZE GUGGL COMPLEX- Guggl is a non stimulant based fat burner which works in the body by preserving or increasing thyroid output, preserving and increasing your metabolic rate, and lowers bad cholesterol, raises good cholesterol. Since it's not a stimulant, you won't get any jitters from it, and you can stack it with other stimulant based fat burners for a more dramatic result, which I do when dieting. When not dieting, I still use Guggl. CLICK TO BUY
7. SPECIES NUTRITION SOMALYZE- I swear by this and have since day 1 of it's release. Smalyze is a night time sleep aid that doubles as a fat loss aid as well. I use it mainly for its sleep aid properties- it's the only sleep aid I've tried to allows me to fall asleep and wake up ready to go- I never feel hungover or zonked the next morning. I take this especially when dieting since hunger often keeps me up late at night. CLICK TO BUY
8. BETANCOURT NUTRITION'S BCAA CHEWIES- BCAAs (Branched Chain Amino Acids) are essential in that they are metabolized directly into the muscle- they are anabolic (build muscle) while at the same time work to be anti-catabolic (stop muscle breakdown). I like the Betancourt Chewies because its a nice change from swallowing a pill or choking down a chalky powder- CLICK TO BUY
9. BETANCOURT NUTRITION'S GLUTAMINE CHEWIES: Glutamine supplementation has been shown to minimize the breakdown of muscle tissue while supporting protein metabolism. Glutamine supplementation helps your body avoid being catabolic (breaking down muscle) through strenuous exercise. I like the Betancourt Chewies because its a nice change from swallowing a pill or choking down a chalky powder- CLICK TO BUY
10. OPTIMUM NUTRITION 100% NATURAL CASEIN in Chocolate Creme: I use this at night if I get hungry. This casein protein has no artificial sweeteners in it. It DOES have evaporated cane juice (unfortunately) but it's still the cleanest version of casein I've found. I mix mine with water to create a pudding and freeze for 20-30 minutes before eating. If I'm not dieting I add some agave syrup or raw honey to sweeten it up a bit. Casein is a slow digesting protein which helps retain muscle and is especially beneficial overnight when you are in a forced fast state. CLICK TO BUY
11. NOW MCT OIL (100% PURE)- MCT Oil ROCKS, and I use it especially when dieting. It's a weight management thermogenic that helps to spare lean muscle tissue. Other oils contain MCTs (medium chain triglycerides) such as coconut oil, but I use NOW MCT Oil because it's 100% Pure, meaning it doesn't contain MCT's, it IS an MCT. MCT's are more easily and rapidly digested then other types of fats, because they require lower amount of enzymes and bile acids for intestinal absorption. They are metabolized very quickly in the liver and have been reported to increase energy expenditure, while decreasing fat storage. There have been numerous studies that suggest the substitution of MCT Oil for other fats in a healthy diet may help support healthy body weight and body composition. CLICK TO BUY

And there you have it- the 11 top supplements I could not live without in my supplement cabinet!

Drink Click!

I always love sharing new products I find with you all! While sweating it out on the stepmill yesterday I was reading Oxygen and stumbled across an ad for a coffee protein drink. Considering that I'm a coffee ADDICT I was stoked, but apprehensive because most products that boast 'yumminess' are loaded with fat and sugar, making them no better then the full fat and sugar version of espresso drinks you can get at Starbucks.

So when I got home I hopped online and visited the website: http://www.drinkclick.com/ to check it out for myself, and see if it was worthwhile.

I was PLEASANTLY surprised. With two yummy sounding flavors, Mocha Latte and Vanilla Latte, 120 calories per packet, 12g of carb, 15g of protein, 1g of fat, and only 6g of sugar, it's pretty clean for a "fun" protein drink! What's more, the website offers NUMEROUS fun ways to drink click, hot AND cold. Cold recipes even include alcoholic suggestions such as Click Mudslide and Click-atini. Hot recipes have the delicious sounding Pumpkin Mocha Spice and Clickamel.

I'm not sure how "tasty" it is, but I ordered the Vanilla Latte flavor and am planning on incorporating it into my diet! While the 6g of sugar prevents it from being something you can drink on a contest diet, it certainly doesn't keep you from infusing it into your nutritional plan if you're not prepping for a show!!

the "ABC's" of "BCAA's"

What in the world are "BCAA's"?? As athletes, we hear this term all the time. BCAA's are supposed to "be good for us", they are a "must have" on our supplementation regime, but what are they really? How do they benefit us? In the following article I'll explain just what "BCAA's", otherwise known as "branched chain amino acids" are, how they work in the body, and why there is truth behind that the statement that they are a necessary part of any athletic supplementation regime.

DESCRIPTION: I'll do my best to explain this using the least amount of scientific jargon possible. Branched Chain Amino Acids are known as "BCAA's" for short. They are comprised of the three amino acids; l-leucine; l-isoleucine; l-valine

The term, "branched chain" refers to their chemical structure, which sets them apart from other amino acids. Amino acids are organic compounds made of carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, and (in some cases) sulfur bonded in characteristic formations. Strings of amino acids make up proteins, of which there are countless varieties. Of the 20 amino acids required for manufacturing the proteins the human body needs, the body itself produces only 12, which means that we have to meet our requirements for the other eight through our nutrition or supplementation.

Branched-chain amino acids are considered essential amino acids because human beings cannot survive unless they are present in the diet. In layman's terms, leucine is used for the maintenance of nitrogen balance in adults. Valine contributes to the structure of proteins, and isoleucine is used in the body to produce biochemical compounds that help in energy production.

BCAA's are metabolised directly in the muscle. This unique quality means that they are very anabolic (they build muscle) and very anti-catabolic (they stop muscle breakdown). That is the number one reason why BCAA supplementation is used most frequently by body builders and athletes undergoing intense exercise.

FUNCTIONS/USES/BENEFITS: BCAAs serve as important fuel sources for skeletal muscle during periods of metabolic stress. BCAAs are needed for the maintenance of muscle tissue and appear to preserve muscle stores of glycogen. BCAAs also help prevent muscle protein breakdown during exercise.

BCAAs have an effect on all protein metabolism and during periods of stress are required by the body in larger amounts than any other amino acid. They also may help build muscle during and following exercise by decreasing protein breakdown and increasing protein synthesis. BCAA supplementation may also improve mood and the performance of difficult tasks following exercise. BCAAs have been used in medicine as part of the treatment for some forms of liver disease and following surgery and chronic illness to improve healing and recovery.

DIETARY SOURCES: Dairy products and red meat contain the greatest amounts of BCAAs. Whey and egg protein supplements are other sources of BCAAs. Isoleucine is found in most food sources and is particularly high in many meats, fish, and cheeses. Leucine is found primarily in high quality protein foods such as beans, brewer's yeast, brown rice bran, caseinate, and corn. Food sources of valine include soy flour, cottage cheese, fish, grains, mushrooms and peanuts, meats, and vegetables.

DOSAGE SUGGESTIONS/REQUIREMENTS: This really will fluctuate depending on your diet. Most diets provide an adequate amount of BCAAs for the average person, which is about 25-65 mg per 2.2 pounds of body weight. Approximately 3-5 grams of BCAAs can be taken during exercise to delay fatigue and improve exercise performance. BCAA's may need to be increased depending upon exercise levels and desired physical results.

Cleanses: Dangerous Fad or Integral Part of a Healthy Lfestyle?

Maybe the birds are doing a cleanse too...

If God had intended me to shart Depends would come in a bikini style with fun pattern options. (My buns like to be festive, what can I say?) This was my initial reaction the first time someone talked to me about doing a "cleanse" not of the deep breathing variety. See, I'm what they call a negative first responder. Me at 8: You want me to go to DisneyLand?! Don't you know the Mad Hatter is mad because of severe lead poisoning incurred from his antiquated hat-making techniques? And you want me to go on a ride designed by this idiot?!? (Side note: That trip to Disney I got mononucelosis and ended up not only not getting to ride any of the rides but also missing a month of school. See what paranoia gets you?) Me at 30: You want me to drink a bunch of crappy tasting liquid to flush toxins out of my system? Last I checked my liver wasn't broken and it'd better be doing something to earn it's keep in my abdominal cavity, by golly!

So when one of my friends sent me an e-mail with the subject line of "I can't believe I'm doing this but..." and continued on to say that she and her husband were going to try Jillian Michael's "Cleanse and Burn" my initial reaction was, well, negative. "Don't you know she's already been sued three times over those pills?" I responded shrilly trying not to sound like the bossy know-it-all I totally am. A few days later another friend with a trip coming up e-mailed asking me the quickest way to lose 10 pounds (why she would ask me, the girl still holding on to 10 pounds of baby weight, I have no idea). "Try cutting out a snack and all junk food," I suggested helpfully.

"I need to drop 10 pounds in a week," she clarified.

"Well there's always Master Cleanse," I joked. "That's what Beyonce used to slim down for Dream Girls and she lost 20 pounds in two weeks."

"Perfect!" she exclaimed and started writing down the ingredients.

"Noooo!" I cried. "You might lose some water weight and a lot of poop in the short term but cleanses don't work!"

"Hmm..." she mused, half-joking, "If I'm just trying to poop a lot, what if I cut to the chase and just take laxatives instead?"

"That would be bulimia," I sighed.

And then I got an e-mail from an very sensible old Gym Buddy (old because she moved halfway across the country, not because of her age) telling me that she had just started a 30-day cleanse called Isagenix and not only lost 5 pounds and 15.5 inches in the first week but felt so awesome she did two hour-long runs after not having run for nearly a year. Finally the coup d'etat: Experience Life magazine, one of the most respected and scholarly fitness journals in the biz, ran a whole feature story about, yes, the benefits of cleansing, this time touting Ann Louise Gittleman's "Fast Track Liver Detox" plan.

I think the Universe was telling me to rethink my stance on cleansing. Either that or to stop checking my e-mail.

Do Detoxes Work?
To answer this question we need to look at two factors: the type of cleanse and what your definition of "work" is. A cleanse or detox is defined as, "any health regimen designed to remove toxins from the body." That's pretty generic and could encompass practices all the way from sweat lodges to massage to acupuncture to diets so I'm going to narrow it down here to ones that use a drink, pill and/or supplement to cleanse the body. That still leaves a lot a lot A LOT left but it's a start. Basically there are as many cleanses as you have potentially defective body parts.

As for the definition of "work", that's a little more variable. Most people I know - indeed all of my friends who talked to me about it - follow in Beyonce's stiletto'ed footsteps and cleanse to lose weight or jump start a weight loss plan. Others like Gwyneth Paltrow and Dr. Gittleman recommend detoxing for health purposes such as gaining energy, flushing out toxins, and "restarting" the body. While the latter is very subjective and is mainly supported by people saying things like "I just felt lighter and, you know, cleaner!", the former is pretty easy to quantify. Either you lose weight or you don't. Given those criteria I think it's safe to say that most cleanses work - Beyonce and my Gym Buddy certainly lost plenty of weight.

Jillian Michael's Big Unanswered Question
One big problem with these plans is that you can't "cleanse" forever. And what happens when you return to eating again? A popular theory is that since the weight loss is mainly water and poop as soon as you start drinking and eating again the weight will return as well. Beyonce gained all 20 pounds back - not that she seems at all sad about it, to her credit. But my main issue is that most detoxes are oozing with quick-fix smarminess. Jillian Michaels recently did an interview with a local radio station and before she came on the air, the radio show hosts explained that her P.R. rep had specifically forbade them from asking her any questions about her controversial pills. I was disappointed because I have wondered how someone who tells people every week on The Biggest Loser that the way to lose weight is through very hard work in the gym and a lot of self control in the kitchen can start schilling diet pills without her brain imploding from the contradiction. Instead we got to listen to five minutes of her promoting her new yoga DVD.

Perhaps she prefers to let her Cleanse and Burn system speak for itself. Martha Edwards over at That's Fit tried it out for the full two weeks and reported that while the cleanse pills made her "get the runs" and the burn pills made her "jittery" the side effects did lessen over time and she lost 3 pounds which made her happy although she qualifies her weight loss by explaining that she also made an effort to clean up her diet despite being told by the PR folk, "that's one of the selling points of the product ... no special diet is required." So what of my friend and her husband who also tried it out? My friend quit after the second day when she was knocked out by diarrhea and stomach cramps. She wasn't sure if it was the stomach flu which was making the rounds or rather really aggressive cleansing action from the pills. Either way she didn't finish her pack. Her husband however went through the whole thing and reported similar feelings to Edwards saying that he "pooped a lot" during the first week and spent the second week on a caffeine buzz. He did not lose any weight.

Conclusions
I have no conclusions for you. Honestly I am really conflicted about this subject still. And normally I would try it out myself (oh yes I would!) so I could see how it made me personally feel but I'm nursing and I'm not about to take any risks with Jelly Bean's food supply. On one hand, there is no reputable research that cleanses and detoxes lead to long-term weight loss or health improvements. But on the other hand there are a lot of people who certainly think they do. So now I'm asking you - any of you tried a cleanse or detox? What was your goal in doing it (i.e. weight loss or health improvement)? Did it work? Anyone ever lost a bunch of weight really quickly for a special occasion like a cruise, wedding, or reunion?

Vitamins For Better Health! Or Death! Whatever! [Help a Reader Out]

Recently my friend N joined a gym. As part of his new gym experience, he got a meet-n-greet with a personal trainer. This gym, being of the swanky variety, offered him something better than a New Gym Smell car freshener. (No, I've never heard of those being offered but can you imagine how motivating that would be if every time you got in your car you smelled B.O., rubber and Head & Shoulders?) No, N's personal trainer-for-a-day started him out with a standard spiel and then worked into recommendations that went something similar to this (I say "similar" because I wasn't there and also I enjoy making up dialog for people.):

Personal Trainer: So if you really want to see a difference you need to take a really good multi-vitamin, some quality fish oils, a solid protein powder, some creatine...

N: Wait, wait, do you sell all this stuff?

PT: Of course! We have an excellent line of supplements!

N: Well, I have a problem taking supplement advice from people who sell them.

PT: Wha...? Why?

N: It's called a conflict of interest.

PT: You are no fun.

So then N did what any reasonable person would do - he asked me for advice. Because I am a good friend and because I delight in giving opinions on things which are not in my area of expertise (which is apparently obsolete computer skills), I gave him my best answer: "I don't know."

To Supplement or Not To Supplement
That is the question. And it's a valid one. Long touted as a way to fill in the "gaps" in one's nutrition, multi-vitamins and other supplements have been pushed on every demographic imaginable. Prenatal vitamins alone sell millions of pills a year. And for pregnant and lactating women, the advice is supported by research. But what about the rest of us who either don't have a uterus or aren't using it except for chocolate cravings every 28 days?

This is where it the research gets mixed. Individual vitamins have been studied and found to have many positive effects but it is nearly impossible to isolate the vitamin from the food that delivers it and from the interactions with other substances and/or lifestyle issues in human beings. Take vitamin E for instance. For years it could do no wrong and was touted as a wonder "nutraceutical" for everything from scar tissue to high blood pressure. People were encouraged to eat more almonds, yes, but also to pop thousands of milligrams a day in pills. The vitamin E bubble popped when researchers showed that excessive amounts of the vitamin actually increased mortality from all causes, by up to 20%.

The news about multi-vitamins is similarly disturbing. Researchers in Copenhagen found that in a meta-analysis of several large vitamin studies, taking a multi actually increased the risk of an early death. Critics, notably those in the supplement industry, have called the study flawed and warn that people who do not get adequate nutrients from their diets need to supplement for good health.

To further muddy the waters, some vitamins seem to really have a positive effect. Fish oil's life-lengthening properties, for example, have been born out in several studies. And vitamin D, like I have discussed before, while it has not been shown to necessarily increase life span, a deficiency has been shown to decrease it thereby throwing it in many people's minds into the "better too much than too little" category.

For me, the fundamental question in all of this is: Is it possible to get all the vitamins and minerals your body needs to be healthy from a balanced diet? Surely not even the most enthusiastic vitamin-peddler would say that a vitamin could make up for the ill effects of subsisting on junk food and watching back-to-back marathons of The Real World. But what about those of us that eat healthy most of the time? Is it enough?

Anecdotal Evidence
A year and a half ago when I decided to stop taking Wellbutrin I also decided that I was done with pills altogether and quit taking my multi, calcium, fish oil, and vitamin C at the same time. What happened? Nothing. Of course I am a healthy eater most of the time. And, also, 6 months might not have been a long enough experiment. I know that I liked not having to take a fistful of pills every day. However, I also know that I am still in my fertile years and spina bifida is not pretty, so even though I'm no longer pregnant I'm still taking my multi. Plus a fish oil because it's good for the baby. And a vitamin D because, you know, all the kids are doing it.

In the past I have experimented with almost every supplement out there. I've done L-Carnitine (which works for some people), CLA, all the B vitamins, creatine, protein powder, Bragg's amino acids and many others in addition to the standard ones. Nothing has ever made a noticeable difference in my health. And yet because I didn't notice anything doesn't necessarily mean they weren't helping on some cellular level, right?

It is in the midst of this confusion that the supplement industry has stepped in. I think that they take advantage of our uncertainty and the lack of definitive research and then play off of our worst fears. The net result is spending a lot of money on things that we probably don't need and may possibly be hurting us.

Unless they're helping us.

PS> N - "chelated" in reference to vitamins apparently means firmly bonded to some other compound. Is that a good thing? According to this expert, "For some minerals, a chelated compound is better than some other forms. For some it is similar or worse and therefore a waste of money." So, yeah, there you go.

Your Chance to Help
Reader Shellie recently wrote me asking, "I have always been against diet pills. They don’t tempt me because I know they are a scam. I don’t bother with health supplements because I am cheap. But I am actually considering trying Acai berry supplements. I thought you did a post on this, but I can’t find it so I am asking you. What do you know about these things? What I have read almost sounds too good to be true, so I am skeptical. But my weight slowly keeps creeping up and even though I haven’t had my cholesterol checked in a while, I have a feeling it’s back up to where it’s not supposed to be, too. What do you think?"

Acai is one of the few I've never tried in supplement, although I have bought the dried berries before from Trader Joe's - they're delish! Any of you tried? Seen results? So what's your opinion on vitamins? Do you take anything? If not, what would your "Gym Smell Car Freshner" smell like?

The Supplement Your Personal Trainer Won't Tell You About

Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight I'd like to present to you to the 1992 winner of Molecule of the Year. (Yes, that's an actual award. No, I don't think you get a trophy or a modeling contract out of it. Yes, I know I'm a geek.)

Nitric Oxide (NO)
Tired of getting confused with it's hilarious-at-parties-but-really-vacuous-cousin N2O (a.k.a. laughing gas), this sexy little number plays a big part both in polluting our atmosphere and in running our central nervous system. It is also involved with how much hair you lose, penile erections, and acclimating to high altitudes. But aside from these nifty accomplishments, NO has another very interesting effect - it is one of the best vasodilators we have.

A vasodilator means that it works on the inner lining of your blood vessels to open them up by relaxing your smooth muscles and thereby increasing blood flow. It is frequently used in hospitals, particularly in pediatric units to treat babies with meconium inhalation lung problems. (For those of you who've not had a baby, meconium is the tar-like first poop that your precious little nugget excretes soon after birth. Incidentally only one of many strange substances that will ooze, spew and dribble from various orifices in said nugget. Some babies, however, poop while still in the womb. They then breathe in the meconium which can cause all kinds of problems.)

Who Cares?
You do. And here's why: it's become one of the hottest muscle building supplements on the market. That's right, one of the worst pollutants known to mankind and simultaneously a wonder pediatric drug, is being used to Pump You Up.

What does it do for you, exactly? According to one product, N.O. -Xplode, it does everything but cure malaria and solve Rubix cubes blind-folded. Bask in the unfettered (and unedited) hyperbole:

"N.O.-XPLODE is an extreme pre-training energy and performance igniter. From the very first serving you will experience elevated physical and mental energy, muscle-expanding pumps, unparalleled strength and stamina; not to mention tunnel-vision like mental focus, allowing you to zone in and have the best training session possible. By combining all of these benefits in one knock-out formula, you will experience a level of training intensity that you never thought was imaginable, getting you physically and mentally dialed in for the training session of a lifetime; leaving those days of lack-luster workouts behind. Once you train with N.O.-XPLODE, you will never train without it! NO-Xplode has the unique ability to get you dialed in and pumped up for every single workout by inducing a strong and advanced nitric oxide, creatine, and body-mind stimulating surge."

(Note to N.O. Xplode - I realize that spelling is not your strong suit but let me tell you that as a chemistry teacher it hurts me deep inside to see you punctuate N.O. That makes it sound like a rapper or a euphemism for something dirty, which amount to the same thing, I know. But. It is okay to just write NO. It is also okay to just say NO. To drugs. Just saying.)

Alter(ed) Egos
Sold under various names and formulations (such as Black Powder & MuscleTek NaNo Vapor), it is generally one of the more expensive supplements out there. GNC tries to hard-sell me on it every time I walk in their door. (Well, except they are in the mall so they don't have doors. But they do have a nice little massage chair! And now suddenly I'm rethinking my decision to buy vitamins from the mall.) Anyhow - typical retail price: $63.99-$79.99 for one bottle. Although the last time I went in the salesman tried to sell me on NO2 Black... for $103.99. Dreams of a fat commission vanished before his eager eyes as I plopped down two $13.99 bottles of fish oil. Although his frown could also have been because my kids just knocked over his entire display of vita-paks and were now riding the rowing machine like a pony.

Pros
I received this tip from a reader who wished to remain anonymous. He is a mid-20's collegiate competitive athlete who tested this out for us. Mr. X (for Xplode, NOT for XXX, sickos) seemed hesitant to talk about it at first but then waxed rhapsodic about being able to up his reps, maintain his weight through an extra set, and "push through previous barriers." He added that his perceived exertion was less for the same intensity of exercise and it also helped him stay laser-focused. He admitted that this last effect might be due to the caffeine, of which there is probably a lot although no product listed exactly how much. Mr. X added that this was one of his favorite supplements (the other being creatine) and that he felt it had provided measurable muscle gains.

Cons
Mr. X added an interesting caveat: He is a personal trainer and yet he would not recommend it to any of his clients. His reasoning was that as a highly trained athlete he knows what his limits are and what his body normally feels like so if anything fishy started happening he could back off immediately. A novice lifter would not have that self insight.

Other known side effects of NO include:
- headaches (the most often reported side effect - and a known effect of vasodilators)
- "Xplosive" diarrhea (Oh how I chuckled! I love punny people. Punny lifters? Even better!)
- dizziness, light headedness
- heart palpitations ("like I was on speed" - probably the caffeine)
- insomnia (again, probably the caffeine)
- increased flushing (getting red in the face, nothing to do with toilets people)

Conclusions
This is interesting to me. On one hand I love anecdotal evidence in the form of personal experiments. As long as the person is not getting paid to talk about the supplement (and Mr. X wasn't) then their opinion means a lot to me. Most muscle-building supplements just don't work but it sounds like this one might actually do something.

One the other hand, it's air pollution. You're imbibing fruit punch-flavored air pollution. That can't be good. Plus there's the whole vasodilation thing. I kinda like my veins the way they are (even if they are a little bulge-y). I also don't like supplements much in general. And if they put it in Viagra...? Lastly - $103.99?! Egads.

Any of you try this stuff? Tell me what you think of it! I need more input!! Also, what do you think of a personal trainer who takes things he wouldn't advise his clients to?

Update: Reader FitJerk, who is a professional supplement reviewer (didn't even know they had those!) made an iteresting point about the mechanics of this product in the comments that I was worth bumping up: "There is no NO being produced in these products. They contain the ingredient L-Arginine which is supposed to be a pre-cursor to N.O but it ISN'T! Studies have proved it. In fact, the amount of L-Arginine you'd have to take to even notice minute benefits of a "pump" is about 30g. At that dose you'll have stomach cramps and upsets before a major pump. The amount of L-Arginine in N.O Xplode is a few grams... if that. So it's all insignificant. The only reason you feel anything after taking this stuff is because of the 200+ mg of caffeine (about 2 cups of coffee worth) and the fact that your body produces a natural pump while resistance training. So if that's what you want, might as well just drink a friggin' RedBull."

Using Light Therapy to Combat Seasonal Affective Disorder

For a girl who hates winter as much as I do, moving to the Land of Eternal Winter (a.k.a. Minnesota, The State That Might As Well Be Canada) may not have been the best idea. While I love snow and adore Christmas, the combination of super-cold temps and very short days have a drastic effect on my mood. My problem first started in Seattle where while it doesn't have the Dementor's Kiss-esque cold that Minnesota does, it is far enough north to have precious few daytime hours - hours that are besmirched by constant cloud cover. Come October, I'd feel the anxiety begin to ramp up every day around dusk and an inexplicable irritation with every member of my household. November brought zombie-eyed apathy and a fierce desire to sit in the one warm spot in our house and not move, causing me to neglect basic necessities like laundry and keeping a kid from shoving red craft balls up his nose that could only be removed by a doctor with a special tool (he wanted to be Rudolph, see). By December, unless the kids need something I'm pretty much living full-time in front of said heating vent and craving simple carbs. And by January I'm fully and officially depressed. I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), a depressive state brought on by the lack of light in the wintertime that afflicts millions of people worldwide.

Last year I attempted to prevent the onset of my SAD by taking vitamin D supplements, a tactic that while certainly didn't hurt, failed to provide a significant improvement. In the past I have tried antidepressants which did lift the veil of depression but at the expense of some rather strange side effects (gotta say I kinda miss those crazy Cymbalta dreams!). It also seems silly to me to start taking a drug every year in December only to drop it cold turkey in April when the sun comes out, as I inevitably do. I've also tried other remedies for depression like fish oil supplements and exercise, the latter of which works beautifully. Except that I can't do it 24 hours a day (not that I haven't tried!)

Despite a solid body of positive research on the subject, the one thing I haven't tried yet is bright light therapy, mostly due to the pricey nature of most official SAD lights. But this year I found a deal on Amazon.com with this Verilux model and so my Christmas has come early: My (SAD) Happy Light arrived today!


It's hard not to judge a product by the box it comes in and so when Fed Ex dropped it off this very rainy and gloomy afternoon, I was struck with two impressions:
1. This sucker is big. Huge, actually. I have it set up next to my computer and it dwarfs my CPU.
2. The warning says very prominently "Do not use on the genital areas." Do I even want to know why that warning was necessary? No, no I do not.

According to the directions, you are supposed to sit in front of it - but not looking directly into it - for 30 minutes to 2 hours a day depending on the distance you are from the light and how much light you need. It works by tricking your brain into thinking you are in the bright summer sunshine by sending a barrage of visible light into your eyes. You are supposed to do it first thing in the morning to avoid messing up your circadian rhythms. Undeterred (and with my pants firmly on), I plugged it in and switched it on.

I now know what it must be like to watch nuclear bomb testing. Or to attend a Kanye West concert and bask in his self-professed light. It was practically blinding. This baby is packing 10,000 lux (the average indoor light is less than 1,000 lux) - the amount designated by scientists as the base therapeutic level for SAD. It's like my own personal spotlight; all I need now is a wind machine and I'm set!

Frequently Asked Questions About Light Therapy

Can't I just tan instead?
According to skincancer.org, the answer is no. Even though many tanning salons (falsely) advertise their product as cure for wintertime blues, tanning beds, which use UV rays (not part of the visible spectrum unless you are a honey bee), actually have no therapeutic light effect - especially if you wear the goggles - and they also cause skin cancer and cataracts. Bad news all around.

I have a history of skin cancer, can I still use a SAD therapy light?
Absolutely. The therapy lights, while very bright, are only comprised of the visible spectrum and have very few UV rays which are generally blocked by a filter on the lamp. The therapy lights work by helping you take in more bright light through your eyes; contrary to popular belief they are not supposed to work through your skin. They will not give you a tan. The therapy will be unaffected whether or not you wear sunscreen.

What should I look for in a SAD therapy light?
There is a lot of confusion on this one with many products from small incandescent "natural light" bulbs to large fluorescent blue floor lamps being marketed as such.

• Choose a Light Box With 10,000 Lux of Illumination. Light boxes offering fewer lux are not as effective.
• Use a UV Filter. Most light boxes use fluorescent bulbs, which emit a small amount of UV radiation. Your light box should have a UV filter or diffusing screen to protect your skin and eyes.
• Opt for Soft, White Lights. Full spectrum lights produce greater amounts of blue light (which can harm the eyes) and UV radiation.

Are there any side effects?
It's a very very bright light so you are advised not to use it at night as it may cause insomnia. Headaches and eye strain were also listed as potential problems although I think those could be avoided by not staring into the light itself. If you have known eye disease or other eye problems, you should consult a doctor first. There was also that whole genital thing although I'm not exactly sure what effect that is supposed to prevent.

How much do they cost?
Most medical models seem to be around $400 (for an ugly lamp?! I know.) but cheaper ones can be found. You just have to be careful that they still meet all the criteria. The one I found on Amazon was $175. Still steep but I told my husband that was all I wanted for Christmas. You can also find used ones on eBay and Craigslist. Some insurance providers will cover the cost if you get your doctor to write you an actual prescription for one (although my insurance wouldn't - jerks.)

Does it really work?
The research supports it. As for myself, I have only used it for one day and whether it was just the placebo effect or the light itself, I did feel like it made a definite difference in my mood and energy. The pamphlet said to use it for 10 consecutive days before the full effect would be achieved so I'll certainly let you know how it goes from here. For once, I am really hopeful going into fall!

Anyone else get SAD every winter? Have you tried a happy light? Any Canadians want to tell me to stop whining until I've experienced one of their winters?

Adderall: The Perfect Life - in a Pill?

Better living through chemistry!

I was first introduced to Adderall a few years ago by a friend deep in the anorexic abyss. At the time I wrote it off as just more evidence of the all-consuming nihilism of the disease. Not only was she starving herself, working out hours every day and popping diet pills like candy but now she was taking prescription meds too - just one more thing to maintain her tortuously thin frame. To her though it was significant: it allowed her to maintain her focus and mental functioning during an illness that is notorious for compromising both. Yet, I wrote it off. Anorexics will also tell you to punch yourself in the stomach every time it growls and to drink vinegar to dampen your hunger. Crazy talk. (And you know that being stuck in the revolving door of eating disorders myself, I mean that with love.)

Other than the occasional mention of it in relation to superskinny celebs (ahem, Lindsay Lohan), I forgot about it until today when an acquaintance of mine brought it up again. To encapsulate a very lengthy conversation, the general idea is that while she does not have ADHD - the disorder for which the drug is legally prescribed - she takes it every day and sees huge benefits from it. After hearing about it from another friend (and trying out a couple of Friend's pills), she managed to wrangle a scrip from her doctor under semi-false pretenses. But oh was it worth it, she raved. Not only does she have laser-sharp focus now but she can get an entire day's worth of work done in 5 hours!

In addition to making her the Energizer Bunny, it's also made her a Playboy Bunny. "I never worry about my weight now!" she exulted and then chastised me in the same breath: "You're too obsessed with your exercise and food. You just need to learn to chill out about it, like me. I eat whatever I want and exercise when it feels good and I'm 15 pounds lighter than I was in high school!" Which is true, incidentally. I have long admired/been irritated by Girlfriend's ability to maintain her modelesque figure without any apparent effort.

"But you're taking drugs," I replied pointedly.

"So?" She was entirely unremorseful. "They're not addictive and they're not diet pills or anything. In fact, all they do is make me more me!" I must have looked incredulous because she continued, "You know those days you have when you're totally on? Everything runs smoothly, you have tons of energy, you don't forget anything and you do the best work of your life?"

"Um, yeah." While few and far between, I do have those days. They're awesome.

"Well with Adderall you can have those days every day."

Some scientists actually agree with my friend. In the December 2008 issue of Nature magazine, several researchers posit that we should be promoting Adderall and other cognitive enhancing drugs saying, "Society must respond to the growing demand for cognitive enhancement. That response must start by rejecting the idea that 'enhancement' is a dirty word." They make the case that these drugs have very few side effects and provide a lot of benefit even for people without the illness or disorder they are designed for. This off-label, Brave New World use of the pharmaceuticals has been popular for a decade with college and high school students looking for an edge, not to mention the Hollywood starlet set.

Think of it: a pill that not only increases your energy, mental capacity and functioning but also makes you effortlessly thin! It is kinda perfect, right?

My mind has been rolling that one around all day. I've talked before about all the pressure pregnant women are under to gain little weight and then lose it as fast as humanly possible afterward. I am after all the girl whose very first purchase upon finding out I was pregnant again (my fifth child!) was a Taut belly wrap to use post-partum. That's right, I didn't buy crib sheets or adorable little shoes or even a new maternity dress. I bought a glorified Ace bandage that is supposed to help flatten my mummy tummy faster. (But hey, it worked for Brooke Burke!) This is especially on my mind now as I'm in the last month of my pregnancy and so the weight is piling on - all while I'm still on restricted exercise.

In addition to the weight issue, the thing I remember most about new motherhood is the mental fog I walk around in for about 4 months after the kid is born. A combination of crashing hormones, time-consuming nursing sessions and sleep deprivation, my brain is so mushy that I once took the same wrong exit three times in a row on my way to pick up a friend from the airport. It takes me a solid six months to get back on stable footing after my kids are born and at least a year before I feel like a shell of my old self again.

And you're telling me a pill can fix all that?

My gut still thinks it's a bad idea though. So today I've been looking up all the bad things about Adderall on the Internet. And the Internet being, well, the Internet, there are plenty of bad things out there. For one thing, Adderall comes with the ominous "black box warning" from the FDA meaning it can cause death or serious harm. There are also reports that it increases anxiety - something I certainly don't need any help with - and heart irregularities. Not to mention that these drugs haven't been around long enough to know what their long-term effects are going to be. And I'd be lying if I didn't add that part of it is just jealousy. It's not fair that I have to measure up to these perfect medicated women!

Still, these things seem small in comparison to my friend's Perfect Life.

This is where I need you guys to save me from myself. I'm already terrified of "not living up to my potential" but this self-medicating - it is a bad idea, right? I'm not talking about taking drugs for medical problems that you legitimately have - I have no problem with that. I'm talking here about using stimulants to give you a leg up. Have you ever done it? Would you ever do it? Is it really not that big a deal? Would you ever finesse the truth to your doctor so you could get a prescription for Adderall (which incidentally my friend gave me detailed instructions on how to do just that)? My brain just won't let this one go.

PS> I am not now taking Adderall nor have I ever done so in the past. Just wanted to make that abundantly clear.

UPDATE: An anonymous reader posted their personal experience with taking Adderall in the comments below (they are the second anonymous commenter, about 10 down the list) that is an absolute MUST READ. If you have ever considered taking this drug, I beg you to read their comment.