Eating Fat Does Not Make You Fat

Confession #1: Today I stopped and bought my boys t-shirts at a garage sale to wear because I haven't had time to do laundry for two weeks now and everything they own has been worn twice. (Once right side out and once inside out - for the latter, I just tell everyone they dressed themselves. I don't add that I told them to dress themselves that way.)

I hang my motherly head in shame. But that is nowhere near as shocking as my next confession. If Charlotte-from-10-years-ago knew what I was about to confess, she'd have had me committed then and spared me this horror. In fact, the only reason I will even admit to this in black and white is because the other day Gym Buddy Allison 'fessed up to doing it - and liking it - too. So here goes...

Confession #2: I eat beef fat.

Not only do I eat it but I love it. I crave it. You know all that white stuff all around the edges of a steak? The stuff that everyone from Dr. Oz to Dr. Phil (to Dr. Oprah-spawn) tells you to trim off? Well, I eat it.

My road to debauchery started out innocently enough with a simple cow (don't all roads to debauchery start with a cow? No??). Gym Buddy Krista was talking up her favorite local beef farmer and since I started Geneen Roth's guidelines, as I explained before, I've stopped being vegetarian in favor of eating what my body - not my mind - says it wants. So I signed up for one of those grass-fed-and-finished, antibiotic-free, hormone-free, organic, kissed-by-angels bovines.

Upon retrieving the dead carcass from the super friendly farmer (any local peeps who want his info, I'm happy to pass it along! Poor man hasn't discovered the Internet yet and has no website but he raises awesome livestock so we'll forgive him.) I learned two important things. First, cows are insanely huge animals. My Bessie was 920 pounds. The smallest portion he'd sell me was 1/4 - those of you good at math (update: this group will not include me as in the original version of this post my cow and cow quarters didn't even remotely add up. I blame the tireds.) will realize that left me with 230 pounds of animal - so thank heavens Gym Buddy Megan split it with me. Second, Mr. Farmer informed me that while fat from traditionally farmed cows (read: cows fed with grain) is terrible for you, fat from grass-pastured cows is fan-freakin'-tastic with a huge ratio of those Omega-3 fatty acids health nuts are always crowing about.

Me being me, I couldn't just take some farmer's word for it, even if he is the coolest farmer I have ever met (which is only because I've never officially met the Bag Lady) so I checked out the research. And you know what? He's right. Mark Sisson of Mark's Daily Apple gives a better breakdown of all the current research and arguments than I could so check out his article "The Definitive Guide to Saturated Fat" for all the nitty gritty. Say what you will about The Primal Blueprint (and heaven knows I've said plenty!) but that man does his homework. For too long we've been conditioned to believe that adage about Good Fats and Bad Fats. Turns out all naturally sourced fats are good fats. Even saturated ones like coconut oil, heavy cream and, yes, animal fat (as long as it isn't conventionally farmed). The only bad fats are those man-made monstrosities like trans-fats and interesterified fats.

While I've embraced the "good fats" a la avocado, nuts and olive oil for several years now, I'm brand new to the saturated fat love fest. Reader Deb asked me what this looks like in real life for me. For a couple of weeks I tried to eat 50% or more of my calories from fat but after jumping on the Geneen Roth train (and quit counting calories) I still eat a lot of fat but I think probably more like 40%, depending on the day. The upshot of this mini-experiment is that eating lots of fat keeps me satiated longer and helps reduce my cravings for sugar (because while it turns out saturated fats aren't correlated with coronary heart disease like we all thought, sugar sure is!) Consider me a convert! I love my real whipped cream.

I still don't like bacon though.

What are your feelings about saturated fats? Do you ever eat the fat on your steaks or chops? Anyone else just hate bacon? And if you want to tell me about the time you bought new clothes/dishes/underwear rather than clean the ones you have, that might make me feel better;)

Your Insurance Company is Trying to Kill You... With Fast Food

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No matter where you fall on the spectrum of personal responsibility versus our obesogenic environment as the primary factor in the obesity crisis, there is one thing we all seem to agree on: Fast food is awful. Whether you think it's your fault for choosing to eat it or the companies' faults for engineering such addictive concoctions of fat, salt and sugar, everyone knows that fast food will kill you by inches. That's not up for debate.

And yet there's a reason there is a McD's, Burger King, Taco Bell or any other edifice with a drive through window at every major intersection in America. See, fast food is the Charlie Sheen of nutrition; we all love to vilify him and yet everyone giggles watching Two and a Half Men, even though it's so stereotypically stupid that butter knives look sharp by comparison. So how would you feel if you knew Charlie Sheen was actually an assassin bankrolled by some of the most powerful companies in the world and sent to kill you for their profit?

Ok, took that analogy one step too far. Back up to fast food. Actually back up one step higher - to the companies who buy stock in fast food. According to "Harvard Medical School researchers, 11 large companies that offer life, disability, or health insurance owned about $1.9 billion in stock in the five largest fast-food companies as of June 2009." Yes, you read that correctly. The people whom you are paying to be invested in your health are actually invested in ruining it.

One one level it does make a certain amount sense. The harder your arteries and the bigger your belly, the more money they make in bypass surgeries and drugs. The Harvard researchers emphasized this:
"The insurance industry cares about making money, and it doesn't really care how," says the senior author of the study, J. Wesley Boyd, M.D., an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, in Boston. "They will invest in products that contribute to significant morbidity and mortality if doing so is going to make money."

They don't actually come out and say your insurance company is trying to make you sick but then again Charlie Sheen was just spotted with a shaved head - the new universal symbol of crazy a la Brittney. Some things just don't need to be explicitly said.

The insurance companies, naturally, disagree. Their first point - that their stock portfolios are made up of many diverse stocks of which fast food is only a very teeny tiny percentage - is a good one. Heck, I don't even know what all stocks are in my portfolio and I'm only working with a few thousand bucks. For all I know I could own stock in Al Qaeda Airlines. But all this talk of index funds, subsidiaries and parent companies is boring. Frankly I'm more interested in their second point which is that it does not serve their long-term financial purposes to go killing off their customer base.

"Health insurance companies get profits if they invest in tobacco and fast food, [but] these are some of the top drivers of mortality in the country," says Sara N. Bleich, Ph.D., an assistant professor of health policy and management at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, in Baltimore, Maryland and who researches obesity policy but was not involved in the current study. "They are essentially killing off their consumer base, so it's not a sustainable model in the long-term. Long-term goals should be consistent with health, because that ensures a large population from which to draw consumers."

I love that we are having a national discussion about whether or not sickening one's customers is a "sustainable business model."

The study authors call for insurance companies to jettison the fast food stocks which makes for good news bites, I suppose. Unfortunately this introduces a whole other set of ethical dilemmas. If insurance companies are barred from - or guilted out of - investing in any companies that are possibly detrimental to their clients' health then Wall Street is going to see a mass dumping of stocks for everything from Jim Beam to Willy Wonka to Charlie Sheen's Production Company. While this is an entertaining take on the health care debate, it's not a very meaningful one. Let's put the focus back where it belongs: pearl-clutching over KFC's latest abomination, the double down (that'd be two pieces of fried chicken bracketing two pieces of cheese and two strips of bacon).

What do you think - do insurance companies have a corporate responsibility to only invest in healthful stocks? Would you eat the Double Down (guess what - despite all the hype it has less fat and calories than one piece of Chicago style pizza.)? Also, can anyone tell me what fast food icon the 3rd one from the left in the above picture is supposed to be?? Seriously, I have no idea and I've been staring at it for 20 minutes now.

New Research: Men Can Eat Carbs and Don't Fear Getting Fat. (Women, not so much.)

File this under It's Not Fair (or, Another Reason It's OK to Steal His Comfy T-Shirts): Men can eat simple carbs like white bread, pasta and rice galore and it doesn't up their heart disease risk. Women, on the other hand, just smell the stuff and their ticker goes off like a firecracker. To pour salt on our razor-nicked legs, men aren't even afraid of getting fat - a woman's worst nightmare, second only to our Pill packs getting replaced with Pez.

Men Get Carte Blanche With Carbs

In the first study, out of the Fondazione IRCCS Istituto Nazionale dei Tumori, a national institute for cancer research in Milan, Italy, researchers found that women who eat foods high on the glycemic index - think crusty French bread, French fries and French silk pie - have twice the incidence of heart disease as their whole-grain chowing sisters. (Side note: I don't think the French have forgiven us yet for the XYZ Affair.) Men, it was found, were able to chow down on the villified white stuff to their heart's content - and their heart would actually be content. They may get fat but their hearts don't suffer.

This idea of eating according to a food's rank on the GI is not new. The glycemic index

"is a ranking of carbohydrates on a scale from 0 to 100 according to the extent to which they raise blood sugar levels after eating. Foods with a high GI are those which are rapidly digested and absorbed and result in marked fluctuations in blood sugar levels. Low-GI foods, by virtue of their slow digestion and absorption, produce gradual rises in blood sugar and insulin levels, and have proven benefits for health. [...]

Recent studies from Harvard School of Public Health indicate that the risks of diseases such as type 2 diabetes and coronary heart disease are strongly related to the GI of the overall diet. In 1999, the World Health Organisation (WHO) and Food and Agriculture Organisation (FAO) recommended that people in industrialised countries base their diets on low-GI foods in order to prevent the most common diseases of affluence, such as coronary heart disease, diabetes and obesity."

But targeting the recommendations to women is a new development. Fortunately, eating low-GI doesn't take any more diligence than does a normal healthy diet (which is to say it takes a lot of diligence but at least it's stuff you already know you should be doing): replace white grains with whole ones, avoid sugary drinks and candy, get enough good fats and protein in your diet and so forth. But then you always knew, deep down, that crunchy-yet-still-styrofoamy rice cakes weren't really health food, didn't you?

Men Aren't Afraid of Getting Fat

Anyone who has ever spent time people watching with a straight man at the mall can skip the details of this next study and jump right to the conclusion: Men aren't afraid of getting fat. Some men may fear gaining weight due to societal or health pressures but this fear isn't hardwired into their brains like it is for women. Of course. Researchers from Brigham Young University found that the brains of all women, even those with no previous history of eating disorders and self-reported that they weren't concerned with their body image (wherever did they find these rare, mythical creatures?), lit up like a Christmas tree in the area that conveys fear when shown pictures of obese strangers (and where did they find people willing to pose for these pictures?).

The point of the research was to use brain imaging technology to help in the treatment of eating disorders. Unfortunately this plan was short-circuited when even the control group of "healthy" women showed brain patterns of body anxiety similar to those of the eating disordered women. Men showed no such predilection to feeling badly about their own bodies when shown pictures of overweight strangers.

The lead neuroscientist Dr. Mark Allen concludes,

"Although the [healthy] women's brain activity doesn't look like full-blown eating disorders, they are much closer to it than men are. Many women learn that bodily appearance and thinness constitute what is important about them, and their brain responding reflects that," he said. "I think it is an unfortunate and false idea to learn about oneself and does put one at greater risk for eating and mood disorders."

The findings are more sad than surprising but I found it interesting that our thin-is-everything culture is so powerful that it actually alters our brain wiring. Bring that little tidbit up the next time someone says that photoshopped ads are harmless.

Now that I've got you contemplating your thighs and glaring at your man eating pizza, check out Marc Ambinder's nuanced look in The Atlantic about the obesity crisis. It's a must read for anyone interested in the national conversation on weight and what it means.

What do you think about the GI diet? How do you feel when you see an obese stranger? Do you immediately feel fear and shame, like the women in the research? Would you admit it if you did?? What differences have you noticed between you & your man when it comes to food and body image?

Wonder Woman Eats Right and Exercises Sensibly

Judging from this pic, I think Wonder Woman is wearing a thong - not ideal for crime fighting but I bet it sure keeps Superman in line!

Wonder Woman, sometime paramour of Superman with her bullet shaped bras (Superman has a fetish?) and athletic legs, has long been considered a heroine in her own right by millions of fans - girls and boys alike. But is she a good role model?

When my second son insisted on checking out a Justice League book from the library with she of the Barbie waist and wedgie-defying leotard on the cover, I cringed. Surely this was not appropriate fare for a young developing mind. At the very least it would teach him that DDD breasts are self supporting and GoGo boots are the footwear of choice when fighting crime - both concepts that would make a real-life woman laugh hysterically before remembering with both chagrin and nostalgia the little girl she used to be who was Wonder Woman four years in a row for Halloween. (Not that I'll ever admit to it. Or to the red, white and blue swimsuit with tin foil armbands that has grown musty with age but still has a place of honor in my memory box.)

My second son being the stubborn child he is, he made his case (loudly) and I acquiesced (quietly) and the book came home with us. That night during bedtime stories, I discovered that the first page has Wonder Woman's vital stats - because of course we judge even our Superheroines by their bust-waist-hip. But before I could roll my eyes a second time, I was first surprised and then impressed to note that Wonder Woman is (are you ready for this?):


Height: 5 ft. 11 in.
Weight: 155 lbs
Birth Date: Winter 1941
Occupation: Ambassador
Real Name: Diana













Besides being surprised that Wonder Woman is not her actual name (next thing you'll tell me He-Man is really Dexter) and that one can be an ambassador with a cloth-to-flesh ratio that would embarrass a street walker, I was impressed to note that her animators had actually given her a very realistic weight for her height. This gives her a BMI of 21, solidly in the "normal" range. (Note: BMI charts are totally fine for comparing cartoons. Just don't attempt using them on yourself. Unless you're Jessica Rabbit, you minx, you.) When you think about it, it makes sense - she certainly gets plenty of butt-kicking exercise and you never see her eating junk food. Not bad for a 69-year-old!

The other Superheroines also followed suit: "Oracle" is 5 ft. 6 in. and 126 lbs. "Queen Bee" is 5 ft 9 in and an impressive 226 lbs! Hellloooo Queen Latifa! The only ridiculousness is "Sorceress" who is "tall as a willow" and "light as a feather." Of course, she was invented in 2000 and bears more than a passing resemblance to Linda Evangelista.

It seems like Wonder Woman, fake as she is, at least has a good self-image. I'm not saying she's perfect but at least she has some serious muscles. Ever seen a Bratzz doll? Skinnyplasticfat. Now if she would just lose the implants and the boots, she might regain a place in my heart. Okay, she can keep the boots - I've been known to wear some impractical footwear myself.

What superhero was your favorite growing up? Was anyone else convinced they had a superpower (I was 100% positive I was telepathic because I always knew what my best friend was thinking - she was thinking that she was telepathic because she always knew what I was thinking!)?

Strangers Will Tell You You're Fat But Your Friends Won't

A waitress friend of mine recently snapped a pic of an overweight patron's meal. Why? So she could text it to several of her friends. Sure her customer's meal was appalling - One of every appetizer? Yes, please - but even more so was the realization that now, more than ever, eating is a spectator sport. People feel they not only have a right to see what other people are eating but also to pass judgment on it.

I blame the media for this. Or at least for beginning the trend with shows like the Biggest Loser that have cameras recording participants' every bite and advertising that relies on monitoring a person's food intake to sell their product a la Jared the Subway Guy. Speaking of The Biggest Loser and Jared, have you seen what's happened to them lately? Many of the finalists and winners of the former and Jared of the latter have been in the news lately for doing what most people having lost weight on a diet do: they regained it. Ryan Benson, Kai Hibbard (this link is one of the most heart breaking weight loss/gain stories I've ever read - man I just want to meet her and hug her and then throw her scale off the nearest building) and, most famously, Erik Chopin have all regained most, if not all, of the weight they lost on the world's most famous diet show. Jared The Subway Guy has also recently regained some his famously lost weight. We won't even talk about the media hoopla surrounding Marie Osmond, Kirstie Alley, and the grand dame of weight loss struggles, Oprah.

I know all this because every weight blip is broadcast to an eager audience, one I am apparently a part of despite the fact that I have never seen even one episode of The Biggest Loser (culturally irrelevant, that's me!) and the last time I ate in a Subway was Homecoming dance my junior year of high school when I got food poisoning from old ham and spent the rest of the night upchucking in the E.R. Recently pics were snapped of Jared TSG looking a bit meatier and immediately the Examiner exclaimed, "We're sure Jared will lose the extra weight in no time. After all, his career as a Subway spokesperson depends on it." highlighting the fact that we have entered the era where losing weight is an official career choice. And a lucrative one.

So I suppose it isn't surprising that all this has filtered down to the common folk. The weird twist, however, is that while we feel (too?) comfortable commenting on a stranger's weight whether it be on TV or texting their menu choices to friends, many of us don't dare broach the subject with our friends. Perhaps we are afraid of offending people or losing a friendship but my personal theory is that people are already keenly aware of what they weigh and whether or not that is healthy for them and therefore do not need me to tell them about it.

And yet.

The other day I came home from the gym and noticed during my post-shower grooming ritual that mostly involves random tweezing and lotioning my brillo-bad kneecaps (they have actually ran my nylons - back in the days when I wore nylons. Which I don't now, but I digress.) a realllly long, dark hair on my jawline. It was so bad I should have been getting better radio reception everywhere I went. It was clearly visible and so embarrassing. My first thought was: why didn't the Gym Buddies tell me I was rocking a chin-stache??

My chin-stache gave me an A-Ha moment (paging Oprah!): I wish my weight weren't an issue at all - that nobody would notice it one way or the other - but since that is not the case (not for me, not for anyone) I would rather my friends talk to me about it than a stranger.

Which would you prefer - strangers commenting on your weight or a good friend? (Sadly, "nobody" is not an option.) Do you feel comfortable commenting on a strangers weight? Would you talk to a friend about hers or his? Is anyone else's worst nightmare having a waitress text pics of your cheat meal to all her friends???

Curing the Obesity Epidemic One Beatdown at a Time

In a shocking display of honesty or hubris (both?), the immensely likable Robert Verdi recently said, "A lot of women say 'I should've been alive when Ruben was because I'm Rubenesque.' So times have changed. There are different cultural norms and values and beauty identities, and the fact that thin is in — who cares? It's why I stopped eating. I think food is for fat people and poor people. Rich people don't eat. They get dressed up and go shopping." [Emphasis mine.]

Dear Robert,
I adored you on Trading Spaces. And The Fashion Police was a guilty pleasure of mine for quite a while. I've heard (though not seen as I have a policy of never watching the movie version of a book I have enjoyed) that you were utterly charming on The Devil Wears Prada. If there was ever a man I would want to give me a much-needed makeover, it would be you! You are the rare makeover artist who can transform a person - or their personal space - without making them feel bad about themselves. That's a gift, sir. But even all of that love for your spunky knits and weird headware cannot make me overlook this.

Because this is a serious problem. See: Food is for people people. All people. This attitude that eating represents a loss of self control and is only for the déclassé is abhorrent. With one fell swoop you hurt poor people, fat people, eating disordered people, normal-weight-but-afraid-of-becoming fat people and pretty much everyone else within the sound of your voice that isn't part of the pill-n-party LA culture. As a woman of normal - sometimes even "low" - weight, I must tell you that your statement makes me sick to my stomach. Not from revulsion. From fear. I live in constant terror that were I to gain weight, I would no longer be deserving of love. It's was a primary factor in my eating disorder and remains a great source of income for my therapist. (That's me, stimulating our economy one mental health professional at a time!)

You may think you are just stating the facts ma'am but the problem is that we have created a culture where people would rather die than be fat. Why? Because it has become acceptable, praiseworthy even, to abuse, belittle and humiliate people for their weight. Take the recent case of Marsha Coupe, a British woman who was beaten to a bloody pulp by another woman for the crime of taking up two seats on a train. There are so many horrible things about this incident: First, that the attacker was another woman; Second, that the train was practically empty; Third, that the motive for the attack was clearly and specifically targeted to the victim's weight as evidenced by the attacker screaming, "You big fat pig" before kicking Coupe in the face.

Coupe explains, "The government and the press have created an atmosphere where people think they have a legitimate right to go up to an overweight person and tell them how to live their lives. To them we are all the anonymous pictures of fat people they see in the papers and are the cause of all society's ills, as well as a drain on the NHS. We deserve what we get. We're not people with feelings."

So back to you Robert - your statement that fat people are not deserving of one of the most basic human rights, food, is exactly how we get to thinking that overweight people deserve whatever abuse people see fit to heap upon them because in the end it's "for their own good." If only we all had the self control to just blithely give up food like you! Psychologist Ros Taylor takes on this sadly prevalent attitude saying, "There is true aggression towards overweight people and it comes down to fear and a complete lack of understanding of the issue. People think 'I can control what I put in my mouth so why can't they'. But we're not all the same, we don't all start from the same point."

I'd like to think you were just being glib and silly, in the way that you so often got people to laugh at the silly and unflattering clothing they were hanging on to. Except that your statement and the attack on Marsha Coupe are two sides of the same soul-destroying coin. This time people are getting hurt, really hurt and it's not entertainment anymore. So I say with love: Please shut up.

Sincerely,
Charlotte

Saturated Fats: Now With Less Evil!

Armageddon has arrived. I know it is the end times because I currently have this sitting on my counter:


That's right, at this very moment, a brick of honest-to-goodness liposuctioned-from-swine lard that I purchased and brought into my own home of my own accord is sitting in my kitchen. I know, I can't believe it either. This little brick of Babe encapsulates everything I have tried to avoid for the past ten years. Aw heck, make it the past 20. It's fat. Not just fat but saturated fat. Animal fat! Fat purely for fat's sake!!

I blame the apples.

On Saturday, in an effort to appease the SAT gods whom I worship by grading interminable mediocre essays*, I sent the wee ones off with my husband for a little fresh air and cider at the nearby apple farm. (It's organic! It's local! It's family owned! My yuppie heart swooneth.) I was anticipating them returning invigorated, apple-cheeked (naturally) and perhaps with a twee bag of fresh Honeycrisps, also known as Apple Heaven a.k.a. The Only Reason I Can Abide a Minnesota Winter.

They returned with a bag of apples all right. A 25 pound bag of apples. "You should have seen the kids! They were downright industrious! If only they would clean their rooms with that kind of vigor," my husband explained. Yet, not even the most voracious pregnant woman could eat that many apples before they rot so we immediately started planning what to do with them. We made 5 quarts of applesauce - which me being the delinquent homemaker that I am did not can but rather froze as I do not have the faintest idea how to can other than it involves a medical sounding implement called a water bath - along with a double cobbler and muffins. That accounted for half the bag.

"What about apple pie?" my husband suggested hopefully. At first I was all set to veto it on grounds of health concerns but then I remembered I'm having a baby shortly and the Holidays That Require Pie are nearly upon us. "We could make several and freeze them!" I enthused, visions of Marie Callendar dancing through my head. Imagine me, 3 weeks post-partum, showing up to the neighborhood soiree with a home-baked apple pie! It would be a coup on par with showing up in my pre-pregnancy jeans. Or my Betty Homemaker dress and pearls.

Those of you who know me at all are laughing your butts off right now. I can barely cook much less make a pastry that is as notoriously fickle as pie crust. I called a friend who is a pastry pro for advice. "You have to use Crisco," she said bluntly. "No way, no how, sister," I refused. "Crisco is the grand dame of partially hydrogenated oil." She sighed, "Then you need lard."

Five years ago those words would have sent me cowering behind my refrigerator hoping I didn't set any mouse traps off as I wept in fear. But a few months ago, I read Nina Planck's book Real Food (you may remember my review) in which she makes the point that we shouldn't be afraid of animal products as long as they are the real deal. I believe she has an entire chapter devoted to the salutary properties of a lard pie crust (it's right after her Ode to Whole Milk). The current research on saturated fat agrees with Ms. Planck, showing that it is not the demon nutrient it has long been made out to be. And then, just this week, I read all about how The Bag Lady rendered her own lard. It's like making jam but out of pig pieces! And it's shaped like a loaf pan! Charming!

It all seemed so natural, so pioneerish, so... healthy? Okay, so apple pie is not health food. It's not meant to be. I have tried "healthifying" it in endless variations all to end up at the same place: Not Pie. Some of the apple dishes I have made in the past have tasted okay. But they just weren't pie. Now, I love me nothing more than an apple baked just to the point of warmth - can't lose the crispness! - and sprinkled with cinnamon but one can't exactly show up to a Pie Holiday with a dish of cinnamon dusted apple slices. Trust me, I've done it. They don't get eaten. Sometimes you need pie. Plus my husband loves pie. And I love my husband.

So I bought lard! A whole pound of rendered pig fat shaped like a loaf pan of my very own. And I gotta say, it feels good. Somewhere my great grandmother is grinning.

Butter! Whole milk! Full-fat yogurt and cottage cheese! LARD! Have any of you made your peace with saturated fats? Or is it still the devil nutrient to you? Anyone have any pie-making tips for me??

*Yes, by day I am a WonderMom (at least that's what I say the cape and boots are for) but by night I grade the essay portion of the SAT test. Every time I post about doing that, I get half a dozen e-mails from readers wondering how they can get the same gig. First a warning: it is the world's most boring job ever. You will want to poke your eyes out. Second: You need a minimum of 3 years teaching experience at the high school level or above. If you're still interested, e-mail me and I'll happily pass you along to HR!

Parents Told "Your Baby is Too Fat For Health Insurance"

In Colorado, an insurance company recently denied a baby health care coverage because of a pre-existing condition. Setting aside the question of if it is physically possible for an infant to have a pre-existing condition and what implications that holds for uteruses everywhere, you are probably wondering what condition was so horrible that a child so new his skin was still pruney would be denied insurance. You see, 4-month-old Alex Lange is "obese."

Read more about little Alex's health care crusade (and see a pic of the cute little butterball) in my full article over at iVillage!

Look ma! I made the front page!!

Badvertising: Mocking "Fat" Celebrities

Warning: to see the following videos, please click through. And if you don't watch the videos then this post will make zero sense.

Consider: Burger King mocking Tony Romo by way of his "blimpy" ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson.


Take home questions:
1. Is Burger King, of all companies, allowed to make fun of anyone for being fat seeing as they're half the reason for the obesity crisis in this country?
2. Tony Romo & J. Simp have been broken up for some time now and while I don't watch football I have it on good authority that he still sucks. So does it make any sense to still be blaming her for his problems?
3. How does airing a commercial in primetime that mocks an actress' weight sell football to men? Do men really care?
4. Does anyone really think Jessica Simpson is fat?

Consider: Nicole Eggert mocking herself on Funny or Die for "getting fat" by spoofing her Baywatch days.

Nicole Eggert is BACK IN BAYWATCH! from Nicole Eggert

Take home questions:
1. Does it hurt less if you beat your critics to the punchline and call yourself out for being "fat"?
2. Why would she do this? Has Nicole Eggert done anything since Baywatch? Is she pimping some new b-level movie or something? Why??
3. Are there any women who really found this funny? Are there any men?
4. Is she really fat or is she just a victim of cruel camera angles and a too-tight bikini?

Bonus question: Have you ever pretended to be dying to get someone to give you mouth-to-mouth? Have you ever received mouth-to-mouth when you didn't need it? Because I have (lifeguard class, junior year of high school) and let me tell you, it is nothing like kissing.

Go to students! I expect your homework on my desk (i.e. inbox) by morning!

Sugar Bombed: The Cheat Day Debunked

Hot on the heels of the American Heart Association's recommendation that all Americans drastically reduce their sugar intake - women are now recommended to limit added sugars to 6 teaspoons a day (for comparison, one serving of soda has 8 teaspoons) - comes more bad news about junk food. Scientists have discovered that not only can bad eating derail you in the moment but it also sets up a chemical chain reaction in your brain that blocks the hormones that signal satiety for up to three days, giving new meaning to a "weekend bender."

Dr. Clegg, the lead researcher says, "What we've shown in this study is that someone's entire brain chemistry can change in a very short period of time. Our findings suggest that when you eat something high in fat, your brain gets 'hit' with the fatty acids, and you become resistant to insulin and leptin." She adds, "Since you're not being told by the brain to stop eating, you overeat."

While I find this news depressing, I am actually relieved that someone scientific (and by scientific I mean not just wearing a lab coat in a Hydroxy ad) found this connection because this is the number one reason why I have always had an uneasy relationship with the "cheat day" concept. A core principle in many diets, you are advised to eat perfectly clean 6 days a week and then go hog wild on the 7th. It has never worked for me. The problem is getting back on the wagon after a day of deli-fueled debauchery. I'd always end up the next day huddled over the tub of ice cream swearing I was only going to "finish up this last tub." Either that or I'd go back to clean eating but jones for sweets for days afterward.

According to this research, I'm not the willpower-less freak I'd always assumed I was! After spending six days clearing the crap out of my system I was basically undoing all my hard work by throwing my hormone levels out of whack for three days. I had a sugar hangover. By the time I finally felt good again, it was time to start the cycle all over!

So what's a healthy living girl to do? I am not one of those people that can just say, "I will never eat sugar, flour or processed foods ever again for the rest of my life." Therein lies the way to bingeville and angry self-recriminations. And yet the cheat day doesn't work. So what does?

I'm still trying to figure that out for myself - I'm really good at finding what doesn't work for me, not so good at the reverse - but I have noticed a few things about myself:

1. I need something sweet every day.
2. I can usually limit myself to one sweet.
3. If I eat it earlier in the day, it doesn't seem to affect me as much.

Knowing that about myself, I eat dessert after lunch. Every day. Most often it's some dark chocolate. Sometimes dunked in peanut butter. Or it will be ice cream. Or Extreme Sour Patch Kids (thanks Anna!). But whatever it is I enjoy it and don't feel bad about it. But I also know my limits and eating anything sugary at night is likely to send me on the 3-day round trip to the Isle of Insulin Hell. Which isn't to say I never go there, I'm just not buying lakefront property is all. It's a fragile peace but so far it's working.

Have you made your peace with sugar? Does the "cheat day" method work for you? Here's how some (seriously funny) kids deal with the temptation (click through to see the video):

Oh, The Temptation from Steve V on Vimeo.

Scale Junkies: Are Daily Weigh-Ins Harming Your Health?

Did you know that some women lead perfectly happy and healthy lives without ever stepping on a scale? There are women out there who don't even know what they weigh! If you are one of those women, as I'm sure some of you are, then you will spend the rest of this post shaking your head in bewilderment. See, I am not one of those women. I have had a long tumultuous history with that little number, my weight. About a year ago I was weighing myself multiple times a day and driving myself crazy with the implications, ie. "That was the biggest poop ever! How did I not lose any weight?!" I was even one of those nuts who would waste precious alone time in the bathroom recalibrating, checking, and even relocating my scale in case the gravity was more favorable on the other end of the room. (Note: this doesn't work. You'd have to relocate to the moon to see a noticeable effect on your weight.)

I am not proud to say how much that number meant to me. A high number spelled doom for the rest of the day. A low number was good but made me panicky to figure out what I had done to get it. I obsessed about that number, worried about that number, and finally broke down and had one of those gut-wrenching cries that leaves you so puffy eyed that you're embarrassed to go in public, all over that stupid number. As I sobbed to my husband I had a realization: I've got to get over this number.

My therapist and I came to an agreement: the end goal, which seemed too scary to approach at the moment, was to give up my dependence on the scale. In the meantime, however, I would limit myself to just one weigh-in a day. Unlike some of the things my therapist has asked me to do, I surprised myself by being able to do this one and stick to it right away. It was a relief, actually, to not be such a slave to my scale. But I still had my once-a-day ritual to keep the anxiety at bay. Because after all, everyone knows that one of the proven ways to keep from regaining lost weight is to weigh yourself every day. The number still drove me crazy but it was a more controlled crazy.

And then, like magic, my scale disappeared. In a house with three tiny tots things are often relocated on irrational whims. (Salad dressing in the piano bench? Crayons in the heater vent? My eyelash curler in the toilet? Why not!) This time, however, I strongly suspected my husband. Despite several days of whining, cajoling and begging none of the males in my house 'fessed up nor relinquished my scale.

Fine, I thought angrily as the anxiety mounted - there was Halloween candy in the house, people! - I'll show them. I'll just get another scale. And so, being a cheapskate, to the thrift store I headed. Long story short: the same place that sells lead paint (right next to the baby spoons) and 8-track players and half of a sandwich maker, doesn't sell scales.

"It's a sign," my husband commented dryly. "The universe doesn't care how much you weigh." The thought was overwhelming. I just wasn't ready yet!

It's not good to obsess about your weight. We all know that. We all also know that we live in a weight-obsessed culture where being fat is wrongly equated with being lazy, stupid, lacking self control, and even dishonesty. Where fat people are villified, skinny celebs can do no wrong despite being caught on camera boozing it up, neglecting their children, and saying outrageous things. The fact is that your weight does not determine your character. We know this and yet we still believe the popular media myth if we were thin, then everything else would be right. We'd be smart, have glamorous jobs, make witty conversation at black-tie cocktail parties and, natch, be having all of the sex.

What is the price of all these mental go-rounds? According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (you know, the folk who remind you to get your flu shot every year? Which, btw, I totally did. And I still got the flu.), people who worry about their weight are more likely to feel physically and/or mentally unhealthy, even causing them to take more sick days. Although both genders were affected, unsurprisingly, the results were more pronounced in women.

Hollywood Lies

Why would we worry so much about being skinny, even at the expense of our health? Here's one answer from Personal Trainer to the Stars, Gunnar Peterson:

"I had one actress who trained with me and took six Spin classes a week. And all she ate was lettuce and Swedish Fish. When the press asked her how she’d "transformed" her body, she said, "Oh, I do yoga and hike with my puppy." That made me laugh. Don’t lie about how much you work out, because other women are going to think, I walk my dog, why don’t I look like that?"

Another gem from Gunnar:

“One client I had would stave off eating as long as she could — it was just coffee, coffee, coffee all day. She’d have a practically zero-calorie salad in the afternoon, skip dinner then go booze with her friends. Her organs were so stressed that when we trained together, I could literally hear her heart pounding away in her chest. Working out was a waste because she was so exhausted.”

Skinny Does Not Equal Healthy

Just like skinny does not automatically make someone more loveable, more honest, or more intelligent, it does not equate to health either. The New York Times sums it up nicely:

"We need to re-engineer what public health agencies are telling people,” said Dr. Peter Muennig, the lead author of the study and an assistant professor at the Mailman School of Public Health at Columbia. “The ‘diet and exercise’ part is good, but the ‘get thin’ part may be dangerous.”

I wish I could say that I've totally kicked my scale addiction but being pregnant, if anything, has only made me more attached to that magic number. Knowing that my doctor is going to weigh me every time I come in and that that number can be affected by what time of day it is, what I had for lunch and my clothing, it seems even more important to weigh myself at home so I know the "real" number. What's your stance on the scale? If you have managed to kick your addiction, how did you do it?

Halloween Candy: To Give or Not to Give?

I am the official Halloween Grinch. Mostly it stems from a hatred of all things scary and icky. My theory is that between Iran's second nuclear facility and OJ Simpson still roaming free there is plenty frightening stuff in the real world stuff. Roman Polanski apologists, anyone? (Off topic but you really have to click thru that link and watch the video. Hilarious!) My point: I don't need a horror flick to make me pee my pants; I can do that just fine on my own. Although a trampoline helps.

Haunted houses, being the worst combination of scary and icky, are the bane of my existence. I haven't been in one since I was twelve and was chased by a guy in a Forever 21 S&M bondage suit with a glow-in-the-dark whip. Being still in my pre-Rave days, I kicked him in his magic 8 ball(s), ran out and have never been back since. One of the most ill-advised dates I ever went on involved me hiding under a blanket during the entire hour and a half it took whats-their-names (oops, spoiler alert!) to kill everyone in that stupid house in Scream. (A garage door? Seriously?? Where did these people get that door from because mine would go off its tracks if a mouse jumped on it much less an idiotic cheerleader.) I cried. Needless to say that guy never asked me out again.

Gummy eyeballs, spaghetti brains, slutty costumes, zombies, fright nights, faux front-yard cemeteries and yes, even sparkly vampires: I hate it all. Except for one thing. Twee little children dressed up in costumes going door to door and holding out plastic pumpkins with their dimpled fists. I adore trick-or-treaters. I only have two rules: they can't be old enough to grow real stubble for their hobo costume and also, they have to have a costume. As long as they meet those two criteria, I will pour sugared confections into their buckets all night long whilst cooing momisms like "Aren't you just the prettiest little princess EVER?!?"



Lately however I've been having a crisis of conscience. With the obesity crisis growing (or at least the media coverage of it) and a child culture that is already inundated with treat-giving occasions, is it in the little Tinkerbells' and Pirates' best interests to hand out Pixi Stix, which if you really think about it are just straight sugar packed in a tube so you don't even have to bother chewing it?

If you've been in a grocery store lately you will note that alongside the 5,000 different bags of candy lining the shelves there are a few non-food options. Like really expensive stuffed animals, marginally expensive Play-Doh tubs and cheap pencil erasers. But what kid wants a pencil eraser at Halloween? At least when dentists give out toothbrushes its something that has a real use. Those "erasers" don't even erase! They just crumble! So every year I've just gone with the candy and tried not to wince when my own children came home with bags so full they break and then collapse on their loot an hour later in a candy coma.


This year my friend Beth - uber-resourceful mother of 5 - pointed out another option to me: the Oriental Trading catalog. This paean to cheap plastic wonders that many already know and love for their 6$ coconut bras has a wide selection of candy alternatives that make even my frugal heart sing. My favorites were the glow-in-the-dark and glittery tattoos but they also have neon bouncy balls, rubber snakes and lizards and those nifty finger traps that we always called Chinese handcuffs when I was growing up because we were un-PC like that.

I asked my kids if it was a lame idea and they loved it - so long as I got at least a few gummy eyeballs. So what's your opinion on dealing sugar crack to kids for a night? Am I making too big a deal out of "just one night so let them be kids already durnnit"? What are you planning on giving out this year?

Body Fat is Not Like the Limbo

Personal Trainer to Gym Buddy Allison and I: You wouldn't believe it, this morning this guy had his wife in here to get her body fat measured. But get this - he said he was training her and wasn't going to let up until she reached... five percent body fat!

Allison and I: *B horror movie gasp* Was he kidding?

PT: No, he was very serious.

Me: What's she at now? (Thinking perhaps she was a competitive body builder and he was the Ike to her Tina.)

PT: 35% Plus, she's 38 years old. He's got her working out 3-4 hours a day.

Me: What's he at?

PT: Dunno, he didn't want to be tested.

Me: Of course he didn't.

Allison: Does he work out?

PT: If you can call it that. He takes two hours to do two exercises. One chest press, rest 11 minutes. Two chest press, rest 11 minutes... you get the idea.

All of which begs some interesting questions:
1. Does he want to stay married?
2. Is he trying to kill her?
3. Has he ever seen a woman at 5% body fat?

Elvira says she's at 7% here. I'm just saying.

And 4: Most importantly, is that any way to motivate a person? I'm not saying that 35% is particularly healthy (normal for women is 20-30%) but 5% is beyond ridiculous. Even in competitive male bodybuilders 5% body fat is rare. And bodybuilders only stay in the low single digits for a competition. In their off-season they are significantly higher.

How Low Can You Go?
Despite our society's well-documented obsession with thinness, body fat is not like doing the Limbo. In fact, my gym's body fat chart actually says less than 16% is "excellent". So 0% would be ultra-excellent, right? As long as your definition of excellent is dead.

Body fat is necessary for survival. Our internal organs are cushioned with fat. Our nerves are coated with a myelin sheath made out of fat. Men need a minimum of 3% body fat for survival while women need a minimum of 10%. Anything lower than that and your body starts to break down, even to the extent of cannibalizing your heart muscle.

In women, amenorrhea (the cessation of menstruation) occurs somewhere between 7 and 14% although a woman with very good nutrition can go somewhat lower and still keep her periods. From my personal (ahem) experience, I lose mine around 12-13%. Amenorrhea leads to calcium loss and osteoporosis, not to mention fertility problems.

In addition, there are several other inconvenient side effects:

- You have no boobs. Boobs (men take note) are made up of fat. There is always silicone but without some subcutaneous fat they will just look like grapefruit halves wedged under your skin.

- You are cold all the time. Fat keeps you warm. That's what it's there for. You and me baby, we ain't nothing but mammals!

- You have skeletal pain due to the loss of padding between your bones and hard surfaces. I have never experienced this but according to a bodybuilder friend of mine, when he was at his lowest (4%) it was actually physically painful to walk barefoot. His words, "Those huge muscle-bound guys you see up there? Weak as kittens. After a competition half of them are going to walk off the stage and faint. You could beat up the other half."

- You lose the hair on your head and gain hair (called lanugo) all over your body as it tries to keep itself warm.

Now Here's a Funny Gym Story
Gym Buddy Allison and I come across this joker, "accidentally" whack him in the knee with an olympic weight bar, and then while he's distracted whisk his wife away to the nearest battered women's shelter. And then - this is the funny part - make him work out 3-4 hours a day until he can't walk.

I'm all for helping someone get healthy (as long as they are asking for your help, that is) but this guy's technique was certainly lacking. What do you do to help your spouse/child/friend/pet make healthy choices?

The Fallacy of Normalcy

Puerile. That would be the best word to describe the radio show I sometimes listen to in the a.m. Most mornings I'm very grown-up with my NPR and my unsweetened oatmeal but occasionally a girl needs some good Hollywood gossip - complete with a quiz where they tazer the person on the butt if they get the answer wrong - to go with her Cap'n Crunch. (You know what's really awesome? Cap'n Crunch cooked in with Rice Krispie treats. Mmm... craving.) In addition to a self-deprecating lead male D.J. and a psychic who says things like, "I see an aura around you... There's going to be change coming in your life! You feel that warm feeling spreading down you? That means I'm right!" (What - change? In life?! No way. And I love how he describes psychic vibes in the same terms the rest of us use to discuss peeing our pants. Anyhow.), they also have a female co-host, Lena, who is spunky, funny, and adorable - albeit with a few cringeworthy girly-isms.

I blame the latter trait for her announcement the other morning, in typical girly fashion: "I need to lose weight! I'm going on South Beach." One of the premises of the whole morning show is how freaking hot this chick is so I went and looked her up. This is her hosting the New Kids on the Block at a recent Mall of America event:

What. A. Cow. Right? Ahem. If she needs to lose weight then somebody alert Cindy Crawford that she'd better join the Jenny Craig team. At first I thought she was just pulling the lame-but-oft-used pretty girl trick of whining about your weight to garner compliments but apparently she is serious as she and her co-hosts have been going on and on about how great she looks now that she's dropping pounds. Finally, after days of this, one of them asked, "So how much weight are you going to lose?"

Her reply? "Until people tell me I'm too skinny and they're worried about me."

The guy agreed with her, "Oh yeah, that's how you know when you're finally looking good - when people start pulling that 'I'm so worried about you' line." Then he summed up the popular opinion of the day, saying something along the lines of, "Normal sucks. Normal isn't gorgeous. You have to be super thin to look good." And the anorexic in me was screaming, "I knew it!!"

My husband will tell you that I'm notorious for missing when people are joking but I'm pretty sure these two were serious. Mostly because they are not the first people to say this. Normal is so last season - and it isn't just weight. Nobody wants to be described as "average" or "ordinary" or, heaven help you, "just fine." People would rather be anything but normal, no matter how awful the alternative - a fact that Tila Tequila has banked her entire career on.

But what is so wrong about normal? From a weight standpoint, normal is the best place to be. It is the very heavy and, oh yes, the very skinny who have the highest mortality rates. Unlike in fashion, if you are interested in good health, then there is such a thing as too skinny. From a life standpoint, while we laud the exceptional, normal has a lot to recommend it.

Recently I came across a story about Paige Epler, a thirteen-year-old at George Mason University who has the distinction of being the youngest person to earn a high school diploma. I am not impugning Ms. Epler's achievement but I do worry about a girl who not only graduates high school at 13 but speed-reads a book in 15 minutes, plays the violin so expertly that she was featured at a luncheon for President Obama, designed and implemented a shark exhibit for the Smithsonian and in all her free time plays "everything from Little League and soccer to karate and flag football, in which she is 'a really good quarterback.'"

Not knowing Paige at all, I can't speak to her mental health or how she's handling all of her success but if history is any guide, the world is not kind to grown-up child prodigies. What can you hope to accomplish at 30 when you set that kind of precedent at 13? As I discovered myself on a much smaller scale, no matter what you do, inevitably people will accuse you of not living up to your potential. Already there are people pointing out that while Epler may be the youngest person to graduate high school she is not the youngest to start college. See? Who does she think she is being all proud of graduating at 13 when March Tian Boedihardjo started University at 9 and Alia Sabur graduated from college at 14?

I'm not saying that people shouldn't be encouraged to maximize all their talents. Achievement is good but it's not everything. Rather, I'd like to see society encouraging people to be happy, to be healthy, to be kind to others. It took me a long time to notice because they are not often acclaimed but the happiest people I know are not those who are the skinniest or the smartest or the highest-paid or even the most talked about. But they are the wisest. Unfortunately normal doesn't sell magazines or up radio show ratings.

What makes you happiest? Anyone else cringe a little when people insist their child will read before Kindergarten or their 5-year-old will practice soccer for ten hours a day? How do you draw the line between "becoming your best self" (thank you Oprah) and just making yourself crazy?

If You Had the Thin Gene, Would You Want to Know?

It's pretty much useless to try and be thin if you don't have the (much coveted, soon to be cloned at a store near you) "thin gene." Based on a study of over 3,000 pairs of female twins -- the gold standard for both researchers and teenage boys -- scientists have concluded that over 50% of womens' variances in weight can be predicted just by looking at their genes. The remaining percentage can be predicted by looking at their jeans. (Sorry, that one just wrote itself. It's a gift and a curse.)

It's not all doom and gloom though. Professor Livshits (I know, I giggled too), lead researcher of the study published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism 2007, says, "The bad news is that many of our physical features, including our weight, are dependent on our genes. The good news is that women still have an opportunity to go against their genetic constitution and do something about it."

But lest that ray of hope be too cheerful, he adds, "It's important to not have high expectations. Women need to know that what they can do about their body weight -- especially when they age -- is relatively little, and they will do it only with much difficulty."

The proposed solution, of course, is to come up with a "thin gene" test to see who won the genetic lottery and who will be suing their parents in the near future for pre-gestational negligence. Officially the test will be used to let women know what kind of battle they'll be up against so they can decide if fighting themselves over every bite for the rest of their unnatural lives is worth it. (Strangely, the test is proposed just for women -- apparently men don't care if they are fat.) Unofficially, the test will be used to narrow down future supreme court justices, screen kiddies for the really good preschools, and select mail-order brides.

All snarking aside, if there really was a thin gene test would you take it? And would it finally release fat people from the lazy-no-willpower-fat-is-contagious stereotype that our society is so fond of -- or would it only make it easier to pick them out for vilification? What if a skinny person took it and discovered they have the thin gene- would it take away their sense of moral superiority? What if a fat person took it and discovered they have the thin gene - would they lose weight with this knowledge?

One thing I do know -- marketers all over the country are having some very sweet dreams tonight.

Is This Woman Plus Sized?

Picture from bathing suit spread in Glamour Magazine

Crystal Renn, whose story of going from normal teen to anorexic supermodel and then to number one plus-sized model in the world is an inspiration on so many levels. By all accounts (I haven't read it yet but really want to!), her book Hungry is a well-written and honest look at how the modeling and fashion industries use and abuse women and how she reclaimed her sanity along with her career. She certainly deserves all the praise and success she is being showered with.

And yet. Every time I see a picture of this drop-dead gorgeous woman I think to myself, "This is 'plus sized'? Really??" According to her profile with her modeling agency she is 5'9" and a U.S. size 8. I understand that the modeling world operates in a different universe than the rest of us but I thought that the term "plus-sized" had a very specific definition: any size over a U.S. 14 (although some lines start at a U.S. 16).

In addition, her stats - not that that is a good measure of a woman but is useful when discussing her inclusion in a group known for being a specific size - are a curvaceous 39-32-43. While it is well known that having a super-skinny catwalk-model shape is quite rare - about 5% of the population naturally have this body type - it is equally as rare to have proportions akin to Renn's. What I'm saying is that the Marilyn Monroes and Kim Kardashians of the world, with their tiny waists and large hips and busts, are as unlike "real" or "average" women as their Agyness Deyn or Audrey Hepburn counterparts.

I'm thrilled that Renn is getting high-profile work. But the question must be asked: Does it serve us any better to replace one unrealistic standard with another? Or is providing an aspirational yet unattainable ideal simply the role that we want fashion to play? If it is the latter, then we'd better stop whining about the skinny models too.

What do you think - is Renn a progressive step in the right direction of promoting beauty in different shapes and sizes? Or is it just one more beautiful face and body packaged in a pretty, albeit, different box? Lastly, do you look at Renn and honestly think "plus-sized"??

Want to Lose Weight? Lose the Debt.

Normal weight loss research focuses on small-scale stuff like how taking smaller bites and drinking a glass of water before you eat will help you lose weight. Wusses. German researchers announced today that they found a significant link between people who are heavily in debt and people who are heavily overweight.

After conducting the not-terribly-rigorous-but-still-very-interesting study, researchers from the University of Mainz concluded that being in serious debt - defined as not being able to "pay off debts in a reasonable time frame" - puts you at an approximate 2 - 2.5 fold risk of being overweight or obese. At least if you are German and are honest in telephone surveys. (Who would ever lie to a stranger over the phone about their weight or their money problems?? )

The researchers readily admit that there are compounding variables not addressed in this survey. For example, a low socioeconomic status (i.e. being poor) has already been correlated with both a higher BMI and a greater amount of debt. Correlation is not causation; I get it. But on a certain level the debt-obesity connection just makes sense. It has been well proven that stress exacerbates weight problems and what could possibly be more stressful that having a slew of creditors breathing down your neck? I recently acquired a new phone number (not for nefarious purposes but thanks for asking) and with the new digits came all the collections-agency phone calls accrued by the previous owner of the number. At least five times a day I get an automated voice insisting that I put "Robert Imigraio" on the line immediately. I'm about ready to chuck the phone through the wall and it's not even my debt!

In addition to the stress factor, being in debt is a clear sign of money issues and as anyone who is short on cash knows, the last thing you are worried about is whether or not the "froot" in your loops is organic much less low sugar. Not to mention that being in debt is also depressing and, hey, some people eat when they are depressed.

Another nuance that interests me, but was not addressed in the survey, is that poor people are not the only people with debt issues. Just using Google Earth's new "foreclosure" feature shows me that plenty of wealthier folks are losing the debt war. At least in America, debt is becoming the great equalizer.

So what's the point of all this, beyond morbid curiosity? Not to go all Oprah on you but it's another angle at helping people live better lives. Fat shaming certainly hasn't reduced the level of obesity. Neither have well-intentioned educational programs. Nor has scary you-will-die-young-and-also-destroy-the-environment-if-you-can't-shut-your-piehole statistics. So why not try addressing one of the possible causes by helping people get out of debt? I haven't done any surveys on the issue - not to brag or anything but I do know 9 people in Germany plus I have a phone - but it seems that resolving debt could have many positive effects, not the least of which is on your waist line. Gives a whole new meaning to "the debt diet" no?

PS, if you have any tips on how to make these collection people stop calling please let me know! Just don't call me though because I've stopped answering my phone.

How to Solve the Obesity Crisis, Fix Health Care and Save the Environment (All at the same time!)

DiPlease read the preceding disclaimer first. Read the following at your own risk:

"Outside of gastric bypass surgery, no system has ever produced any significant long-term weight loss. None. "

So says Megan McArdle, channeling Paul Campos and Gina Kolata, in her article "Thining Thin" in The Atlantic Monthly. She adds, "Every single study which has attempted to make overweight people get thin without very risky surgery has failed completely and utterly. Fewer than 1% of patients ever keep the weight off."

She rebuts the predictable argument of "But I'M thin! Therefore there must be a way to 'make' fat people lose weight." with the hilarious "And I'M tall! So there must be a way to make you shorties grow!" Speaking with chutzpah I can only admire from a non-confrontational distance, she adds,

"I fearlessly predict that more than one person will respond with some variation on 'there were no fat people in concentration camps/but I told you, I totally lost 20 pounds last year by taking up marathon running!' Yes, we could solve America's obesity problem by putting everyone in the country on sawdust bread and cabbage soup. We could also just shoot anyone whose BMI is over 28. Are these good solutions? Because short of that, we don't have much."

Read her entire article to get the details of her argument or just accept the parsed version: Despite decades of scientific research into why some people are fat and why some aren't, we really don't have any practical answers.

Assuming the validity of her premise, I'm going to ask the obvious question: So why doesn't every overweight person just get gastric bypass surgery and be done with it? Sure, there's the "dumping" and the lifelong vitamin deficiencies and the pain of major surgery and, oh yeah, that pesky 2% mortality rate. But I'm willing to bet that people would accept all those risks and more to be guaranteed to be thin for life.

Well, maybe not for life. Gastric bypass surgery, while more successful than other weight-loss interventions, still doesn't work for everyone. In fact, most patients gain back a significant amount of the weight they initially lose. Even though their stomachs can only 2 tablespoons of food.

Even still, the promise of losing any amount of weight is enough to tantalize more than 205,000 people into going under the knife in 2007. So I'm going to postulate that it isn't the riskiness of the surgery nor the mixed results that's holding people back. I'm guessing it's the $20,000 - $25,000 price tag and only spotty insurance coverage for it. Which is why the government should sponsor gastric bypass surgery. To heck with "a chicken in every pot"! How about "A band on every stomach!"? Think of the publicity coup for any politician who supported that kind of health care reform. Not only are they lowering costs for all Americans by Winning the War on Obesity but they're prettying up the joint too.

That's ridiculous (and offensive) you say? Well then the only options left to us are to continue doing what isn't working (i.e. good hearted but sadly unproductive programs like diet and exercise education, early childhood intervention and reality television shows/celebrity-endorsed diets) or to admit that we don't know the way to make people lose weight and keep it off.

McArdle sums it up by saying,

"You do not have better willpower than they do. You do not "care about myself" more. You are not more "serious about a healthy lifestyle" because you took off the eight pounds you gained at Christmas. You are no more qualified to lecture the obese on how to lose weight than I am qualified to lecture my short friends on how to become tall. You just have a different environmental and genetic legacy than they do. You're not superior. You're just somewhat thinner."

All of which isn't to say that obesity isn't a problem. It is. The negative effects from being obese are well documented. I'm also not saying that we don't need health care reform. We do. The system is deeply flawed and unstable. What I am saying is that we need a little more compassion and lot more creative thinking. Anyone ever read that short story by Orson Scott Card where aliens discreetly turn suburban malls into fat farms by providing endless buffets of decadent food and then harvesting the resulting pudge for energy? Solves two problems in one! People get to eat what they want, stay thin and it's green energy to boot! Too bad it ends up killing off the humans in the end. I know what we need: smarter aliens.