Nothing Says Fun Like Getting Punched in the Face

Scientists may have had other ideas but I think the Internet was invented for the express purpose of circulating cultural memes. (Incidentally, that's pronounced "meem" not "me-me" like I've been saying for years. You're welcome; it is my calling in life to be a cautionary tale to others.) This is great when it comes to things like the Surprise Kitty:

Oh I know you've all seen it. But I can't help it - I lurve this kitteh! It makes me smile every.single.time.

Between all the fun shenanigans of "literal videos" and sharks with people teeth and Twilight Rifftrax (SO hilarious!), I sometimes forget all about the dark side. And then something like this comes around to remind me:


This clip, taken from Jersey Shore, some MTV reality show that I've never seen (not that I'm going to be all high and mighty about that because we both know if it were on during my a.m. treadmill time I'd totally watch it), shows a girl named Nicole Polizzi a.k.a. Snookie taking a closed-fist punch to the face from a man. The details are predictable, as MTV explains:

Polizzi, who suffered bruises and swelling as a result of the punch, said the clip is hard for her to watch, but that she's glad MTV is including it in the series.

"It should be out there. Everyone should know that it can happen," Polizzi told The News. "But also, a positive came out of it. It brought [the cast] closer together."

Polizzi says the man who hit her was drunk and had been bothering her and her friends at the bar. When she spoke up to ask him to leave, he hit her.

Another day, just another example of people being stupid, right? What bothers me about the clip - besides the obvious violence - is the reaction of people on the Internet. This clip spread like wildfire not out of moral outrage but rather from entertainment. People think this is funny.

Comments on various sites range from blaming her for being an annoying "guidette" (the female version of a guido, I'm assuming) to laughing at the way her head snaps back to a more chilling general hatred of women in general. One commenter named Cletus Van Damme (martial arts for rednecks?) writes:

Well chicks want equal everything so here ya go Snookie. Equal being what it is when dudes talk a bunch of sh- they have to back it up or get knocked the f- out. Welcome to being equal Snookie. I'm guessing I won't see you lined up to collect combat pay anytime soon.

But while Mr. Cletus is no gentleman, he certainly wasn't the worst. In a weird twist, the men over at bodybuilding.com - a site that although heavy on the crap supplement ads has many great workouts, several that I've featured on this site - seem to have a particular love for this clip. 'Roid rage, perhaps? To a one, they all conclude that not only did Snookie deserve it and it was hilarious but also that they would still bang her and she should thank them for the privilege. Then the thread degenerates into a discussion of her imagined sexual proclivities.

It frightens me that this kind of thinking even exists much less gets written in a public forum. Violence has become one more currency in the world of entertainment and I find it chilling that it is taken so lightly. Consider all the appropriate uproar a few months ago over Chris Brown's beatdown of Rihanna. But what has happened since then? Chris Brown and his ridiculous bow-tie went on Larry King Live and stumbled through a confused apology - pretty much what I would expect from a celeb in his situation - but Rihanna has come out with a new single. Go girlfriend! Show the man he can't keep you down! Show the world that you're strong and resilient and you're not going to take any crap from a man! Oh wait, her new song "Russian Roulette" is about how she gets talked into holding a loaded gun to her head and pulling the trigger by a man she's in love with. Part of the lyrics say:

As my life flashes before my eyes
I'm wondering will I ever see another sunrise?
So many won't get the chance to say goodbye
But it's too late to think of the value of my life
...
I'm terrified but I'm not leaving
Know that I must pass this test
So just go on and pull the trigger

Um, excuse me?! It's too late to think of the value of your life? As long as you are still alive it is never too late! Especially when you are the one holding the gun to your own head! Not to mention she appears on the cover naked and tied up with barbed wire. I don't want to judge her but glamorizing violence against women hardly seems appropriate.

Set me straight: is watching Snookie get cold cocked funny? Is there any context in which that would be called for? Am I missing the subtle subtext of Rihanna's new song? And what is with sexualizing violence against women?

What To Watch on the Treadmill

If you get this via e-mail or RSS, click through to see The Evolution of Dance. If you've not seen it yet, funniest 6 minutes of your day, I guarantee it!

On our honeymoon, my husband discovered something shocking about me - something he never saw coming. (And that folks, is officially the worst opening line to a post I've ever written!) No it was not a vestigial tail or third nipple. Rather, this is how we started our first day of wedded bliss together:

Him: You ready to go?
Me, eyes glued to the TV screen: Just a sec.
Him: Wait, what are you watching? Is that... MTV?!
Me: Yeah, it's The Real World reunion.
Him: The what?
Me: Shhhh!
Him: Don't you want to go to the beach?
Me: Just give me 37 minutes.
Him: You've got to be kidding me.

Being poor - and very busy - college students we never watched TV which is why he never knew that the girl he committed to spend the rest of eternity with was harboring a secret penchant for crap TV.

Most people assume when the husband and I tell them that we don't watch TV or movies (it'll be 3 years come January!) that it's due to some well thought out moral stance. Um, no. The real reason is a) we're both too ADHD to sit still for an entire show, much less a movie and b) crap television sucks me in like a vortex. (It probably stems from the same personality flaw that makes it impossible for me to walk by a People magazine without at least looking at the cover.) There are 2 exceptions to the no-TV rule: BBC documentaries and anything involving dancing.

It was the latter weakness that got me today at the gym (Yes, I went. All I did was walk. No, there was no more bleeding. But I suppose that tells you how well I'm doing with the no exercise prescription. More on that ball of anxiety and tears in another post.) I was drawn like a Kardashian to a camera crew to our brand new treadmills. They have built-in TVs. There's even a headphone jack so I don't have to share my terrible taste with the rest of the Gym Buddies. And sure enough, they get MTV!

Did you know they have a show called America's Best Dance Crew? It has Randy Jackson! And Mario Lopez! (Albeit with his shirt on, ladies.) And crazy hip hop dance crews that make Step It Up look gangsta! I mean seriously, check out who won:

They have SEQUINED PANTIES with ARM WARMERS and BOOTIES and a MICHAEL JACKSON GLOVE! And check out the dance that goes with those costumes! How can you not LOVE THAT?

And then after that, MTV's True Life came on. I won't say it is particularly true to life but is sure fascinating! They had two pregnant girls! Both trying to decide if they should give their baby up for adoption! And then a girl who is a raving sports fanatic! Wheee! Next Gym Buddy Megan showed up and told me about her fave MTV show (see Mom, I'm not the only adult who still watches it!), Made, which got me so excited I got tingly.

Next thing I knew, I'd walked for an hour and forty-five minutes.

And this is why I don't watch TV.

Any of you have a weakness for terrible television? What do you like to watch when you're on the treadmill?

A Hoochie Trapped in a Feminist's Body

If I'm being totally honest, I can probably think of many ways that I am hypocritical (for example, I simultaneously hate global warming and love air conditioning) but the one that is niggling most at my conscience is music.

I know, I know, in a world where children are dying in sweat shops & I still buy sandals at Wal-Mart, I choose music to get really worked up about. But here's my problem - I love music. All kinds of music - my two favorite genres are Punk/Emo, like AFI or My Chemical Romance, and anti-folk like Joshua Radin and Regina Spektor (P.S. Her new album is really good!) . And I cannot get through a workout without it. The worst part of running long races for me isn't the hills or the heat or the surprise Gatorade on the water table (try throwing that over your head) but the fact that I can't use my MP3 player. And let's face it, classes like BodyPump, Hip Hop Hustle and my beloved Turbokick are defined by their great music. Music, I might add, that offers to "fold" me "like a pornography poster" right after rapping a list of sexual positions that would make the Kama Sutra take notes.

That song (that you are now undoubtedly singing in your head, you're welcome) is "Low" by Flo Rida. It is not some obscure rap song purchased only by pimply, Penthouse-hiding adolescent boys; "Low" hit number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 list. It is played on almost every radio station in the country. And it is all about using a female sex worker (stripper? prostitute?) to fulfill every male sexual fantasy. But hey, "that shorty, she was worth the money." At least he's frugal. I know I hate it when I get a dud hooker.

Think that's the exception? Check out the current Billboard Top 100. Number 2 is the romantic ballad "Best I Ever Had" by Drake that not only uses the F word 6 times in the chorus alone but covers oral sex in such detail that hookers are suing him for disclosing their trade secrets. Lest you think it's just the men, Lady Gaga's "Love Game"- a song that cutely name-checks the male anatomy that rhymes with "block" in a description of no-strings-attached sex - is number 6. Next on the list is Pitbull's "I Know You Want Me", another ode to anonymous sex that has the distinction of describing sex acts in two languages. I probably don't need to add that Pitbull is not interested in the nameless "mami" for her intellect or ability to cook a souffle. But who needs talents when you have an "a$$ like a donkey"?

Hypocrite confession time: Pitbull is hands-down my favorite music to workout to. And I speak Spanish so I can't even claim that I don't understand what all he's saying (although frankly the dude is so unsubtle, martians would show up to his concert with condoms). Lady Gaga? Saw her in concert and loved it. Yet, if all you knew about women was what you heard on the top ten you'd think all of us were horny, T&A popping sex toys. We're either strippers, prostitutes or wanna-be porn stars. We're bought (cheaply) with drugs, booze, and fancy cars. And all we do with our time is grind on the dance floor until some man throws us over his shoulder and takes us home (or possibly, just to his car).

Reactions
Turbo Jennie is in a unique position to comment on my quandry. A middle school health teacher by day, she facilitates the Young Women's Leadership Forum. By night she teaches TurboKick and Hip Hop Hustle - grooving to the same songs that she dissects with her teen-aged students. Oh, and did I mention she has a minor in Women's Studies? If anyone could understand my inner conflict it would be her.

Jennie says, "I find myself frequently turning the channel when I find lyrics too offensive and the offensive sh*t that the radio gets away with playing is shocking. A song like Low is pretty tame compared to some of the stuff I hear on the radio. I've had to learn to take songs at face value and listen to them strictly for the beat/fun workout tune and that it is. This is an issue that I think is so relevant and one I know would piss me off even more if I watched music videos, which I don't."

Other students (victims?) of my totally unrandom polling echoed her sentiments by saying that they usually don't listen to the lyrics, just the beat. All of them seemed shocked when I repeated the lyrics for them. But then speaking the lyrics sounds a whole lot worse than rapping them. Too bad I can't rap.

Ms. Misogyny
Tonight's my hip-hop class. I love it. Even pregnant, I LOVE it. So I'll be there. Grooving to the beat and trying not to listen to the lyrics. Like Jennie says, "[It] wouldn't be the same if I popped in Celine Dion or Maroon 5. Besides Justin Timberlake's only got 4 minutes to save the world! We must help him!!"

So now I have to know - What's on your iPod? Are you a lyrics or music person? Anyone else suffer from the same inner conflict I do with workout music or do you just stick to musicals and NPR? (Side note: I cannot listen to "Wait, wait, don't tell me" whilst exercising or I'll fall off my treadmill laughing.)

PS> Speaking of body image issues - some of the fitosphere's brightest luminaries (i.e. MizFit, Roni's Weigh, MamaVision etc.) have launched a new body image website for women called We Are The Real Deal. Definitely check them out, they are one smart group of ladies and they have a lot of good things to say!