Five Steps to Peace?

For a good while now, I have been searching, urgently - almost desperately - for a sense of inner peace. The past year has been tremendously difficult. It's been a time of almost unbearable upheaval and uncertainty. While I want more than anything to be a positive, loving influence on those closest to me, I've caused, perhaps, the most damage. But I've learned a great deal about myself as well. Much of what I've learned has been humbling. But then, of course, that means I needed to be humbled. What better condition to be open to learning then to realize how little you know?

This morning my earliest client cancelled, so I took the opportunity to meditate. Boy, did I need it. And when I was nearly ready to pack it up (I hadn't been able to find even the slightest sense of calm or relief - only distress from dwelling on everything that I felt was "wrong"), in that moment, something came to me. Five words surfaced in my mind and seemed to effortlessly string themselves together in a gentle, purposeful sequence:

Presence, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Love, Peace

These are ideas that I believe in deeply but have only advanced marginally in practicing daily. In a single moment, I saw a connection between them all that for the first time aligned itself like a process I could actually put into application - something that felt like it truly fit me.

Here's the thread I saw that made this have meaning for me and gave me an immediate and pronounced sense of relief:

Presence - We are so easily entangled in regret, resentment or guilt over the past. Five minutes ago is as finished as five thousand years ago. It's done. The future, which we become excited or anxious about hasn't happened and has no true relevance yet. Only the present is real. We can only control our thoughts and actions right now.

Forgiveness - Holding grievances is the single most destructive emotional act you can experience. Guilt and resentment aren't necessary to act appropriately in the present - only our better judgement - our higher selves need be consulted for guidance. There's a Chinese proverb that says if you are bent on revenge, you'd better dig two graves. If you're abusing yourself with guilt, stop the behavior you feel guilty about and forgive yourself for the time it took you to learn the lesson. Release the poison.

Gratitude - How, once you have let go of the past or the need to control the future (and everyone and everything connected to the future), can you feel anything but awareness and appreciation for the countless blessings that surround you. That's not self-delusion - it's clarity.

Love - What is this, really? Isn't it being true to yourself and accepting everyone for exactly who they are? Isn't is allowing everything to be exactly as it is, unless it's clear that you have some responsibility to act with courage and compassion (rather than anger and viciousness)? Isn't it being open to life's lessons about hope, beauty and growth?

Peace - I believe that peace is a deeply rooted and always accessible state, although sometimes circumstances and the way we are conditioned to react to those circumstances with fear or anger can erect temporary barriers to that sense of peace. But it's always there. And perhaps the level of peace we can achieve is directly related to the enormity and the difficulty of the trials we face.

I'd like to believe that.

In any case - I wish for you today presence, forgiveness, gratitude, love, and mostly, peace.